I've wanted to blog about this for over a month, but my parents read this, so I couldn't...
Back in June, after my father's birthday, Becky and I started talking about my parents next anniversary. December 26th will mark 40 years for them. We knew we wanted to celebrate in a fun way. For their 25th anniversary, we had a small gathering at their favorite restaurant (at the time - the Lafayette House in Foxboro)... Everyone paid for their meals and I think Becky and I paid for Mom and Dad's meal... It was small, maybe 10 people or so.
We didn't want to do something huge, because my mom is not a showey person, doesn't like to be the center of a lot of attention, but they both love their friends and family and really love time with them. So, we decided we would do a dinner for them and invite their closest family and friends... Where do you cut the line when you're inviting a bunch of people? Well, we decided, friends that they had hung out with over the past three or so months and then all the family that is within driving distance.
Then we talked about when and where to have it. Mom and Dad are close with their longtime friends the Bilodeaus (I was the flower-girl in this couple's wedding about 25 years ago and mom and dad have stayed friends with them ever since)... They bought a restaurant The Sagamore Inn about three years ago, and mom and dad have eaten there almost once a week since!! They really enjoy it and we knew it would be very easy to get them there without suspecting anything at all.
Then we knew they were heading to Alabama on a trip in their motor home in the middle of October. They haven't set a date to come home, and they're having the motor home worked on while they're out there. So, really, not knowing how late they'd be coming home, we knew we needed to do something before they left.
Next weekend we're heading to NH with them, so this weekend was the perfect date.
Sometime in June, I stopped in to the Sagamore Inn to talk to Suzanne and ask if she'd be cool with us having the party there. She was very willing and quite accommodating for what we needed. We wanted to be able to afford the whole thing without having people pay and Suzanne helped us with that. Back in August, we sent out the invitations, inviting about 40 people and making sure the invite let them know it was a surprise.
Thirty of the forty invited guests RSVP'd which we were expecting (the room we were in wouldn't have been very comfortable with more than 30 people!) At first, we were hoping that Mom and Dad's best friends (Carol and Ron) would be able to just invite them to dinner at the Sagamore Inn, but they had a vacation away planned and weren't able to make it to the party. Then we had to do some improvising.
We didn't want to plan anything too early with them, and have them wondering... So I sent them an email about a week in advance (I couldn't do it in person or on the phone - I can't lie to my parents... but the only way I could was to do it through email!)
We use the same financial advisor as Mom and Dad and that was our alibi! His office is less than a mile from the Sagamore Inn. So, I emailed Dad and said, "hey, we've been trying to set up an appointment with Rich... when we do, would you like to meet for lunch or dinner at the Sagamore Inn?"
Knowing darn well, they wouldn't pass up a meal with us at their favorite restaurant. It was a bit scary at first because Dad responded with: "Sure, lunch would be better..."
So then, we had to come up with a reason that we couldn't do lunch before our non-existent appointment.
This is where my job comes in handy sometimes!!! ON DUTY!! Yes, we'll say I'm on duty and can't get anyone to cover until 3pm. That way we can't get to the "appointment" until 4pm so we'll have to do dinner.
Perfect.
In planning the timing of the party, we figured that we'd tell mom and dad (at this time, we thought we'd have Carol and Ron telling them that they'd meet for dinner at 6pm)... and knowing my parents are obnoxiously early to everything, they'd get there at 5:45pm; so we put 5:15 on the invite for guests to arrive.
Once we had the scam set up, I emailed Dad again (on the Monday before the party) and said, "hey, we finally got an appointment with Rich. He can do this Saturday. I have to stay on campus on duty until 3, however, so our appointment is at 4pm. Rich said to plan on an hour and a half, so why don't we meet for dinner at 6pm."
Dad emailed back a day later (four days before the party) and said, sounds like a plan, I'll check with mom, but it should be fine.
Phew... (mom wouldn't say no to dinner with us!!)
On Thursday, Dad called my phone to talk about something else (I was having a hard time talking to them and keeping a secret, so I let the call go to voicemail) and his message said, "We're looking forward to Saturday, we'll probably get there around 5:30pm... if you're not there, we'll just go in and socialize for a while"...
PANIC!
5:30pm?!? That only gives guests 15 minutes to get in and not be seen!! Ahhh...
I quickly sent an email and facebook message to all guests and said, "if you can get there at 5, please do so, Mom and Dad are going to be earlier than expected!!"
We had worked out some details during the weeks prior: decorations, centerpieces, favors, cake, etc. The decorations were minimal: balloons, 40 signs, a Happy Anniversary banner. The centerpieces were red roses in square vases on each table. (40 is ruby, so we went with the red theme). The cake was great! Becky made a replica of their wedding cake and it came out great!!
The favors, we tied into things that mom and dad love: wine, peanut M&M's and popcorn...
We did wine glasses filled with a bag of microwave popcorn and the M&Ms...
So all was set to go...
As if I wasn't a nervous wreck already, the night before the party, our babysitter found out that her grandfather (who had been sick for almost a year) was actively dying and would probably die within the next day or two. She told us, "I'm not really sure what's going on, but I'm still hoping to be able to babysit tomorrow."
We didn't have a plan B. Everyone we trust with Maddie and that Maddie knows was going to be at the party... Ahhh... We had also already told our cousins that it was an adult only party (not the easiest conversation or feeling at all... but I didn't want to show up with my 2 year old after I told them they couldn't bring their kids!!
So we prayed, selfishly, that her grandfather made it!! And he did... until just after the party! Phew... thank you God!!
We got to the Sagamore Inn at 4pm to set up. We decorated, got the favors ready, got the cake put together, centerpieces on the table, got dressed and all the guests (with the exception of one couple that was late and another that was sick and couldn't make it) arrived with plenty of time!!
They were having a good time mingling for about 20-30 minutes before Doyle (Becky's Boyfriend) announced, "they just pulled in".
Suzanne (the owner) was waitressing that night and agreed to meet them at the door and tell them that she had put us in the back room and walk them in...
As they walked in, they only saw Ryan and Me sitting at the table and Mom looked so happy to see us. Then she looked to her left and realized that she knew everyone at the same time as everyone yelled "Happy Anniversary!!"
Dad's face was a little bit of "what the hell is going on" and "wait, who's fricken anniversary?" (Remember, this is 2.5 months before their actual anniversary!!)
I immediately hugged mom and said, "you're leaving soon, we wanted to celebrate before you leave!!"
Mom had a look of terror and then disbelief!!
Dad is almost always in control, so for him to have NO IDEA was incredible and must have been a very surreal experience for him!!
All night long, Dad had that, "wait a second, how did I not know about this" look on his face!!
A few times, he got up to thank people for coming and explaining how important everyone in the room is to both Mom and Dad...
Becky and I gave a toast to their 40 years together and specifically highlighted what we've learned from their marriage over the years.
This is going to be a very long post, but I'll include the Toast Here: We highlighted our parts and went back and forth!
Anniversary Toast
Becky: As a toast to Mom and Dad, we wanted to share some things we’ve learned over the years from their marriage.
As you all know, it’s not only impressive for a couple to stay married for 40 years, but it’s more so impressive for them to still like each other and enjoy each other’s company after all those years. But Mom and Dad do. SO much so that they can spend weeks at a time in a motor home and not need a break from each other.
We consider ourselves very blessed to have this marriage as our example.
Amanda: We’ve learned from mom and dad what a happy and loving marriage should be and what it shouldn’t be.
When mom and dad took their vows, I’m sure they had no idea that the better or worse might mean staying by each other through some really tough times… Supporting me through all that comes with nine surgeries to correct a birth defect and loving me through losing a child and learning to love myself, finally… They certainly have had their share of challenges. Through each and every challenge, they are able to find God and look for His purpose in each situation. Something we try to emulate.
Amanda: No one could have imagined that in sickness and in health would mean multiple hernia surgeries, gallbladder removals, back surgeries, knee replacements, heart surgeries, cancer and carpel tunnel issues (and that was just years 36-40!) We’re all proud of mom that she didn’t trade him in for a newer model!
And no one could have imagined that for richer or poorer would entail saving and investing so that their dream of living on the cape and traveling the country in a motor home could actually happen. Or that they might be trading that three month old motor home because the oven wasn’t big enough to fit a turkey. Or it might mean going in for an oil change and coming home with a new vehicle.
Becky: You’ve all hung out with mom and dad, so you all know a few things are inevitable when you’re with them… if you go to their home, you’re sure to be offered a glass of wine (or a whole bottle, in some cases). If you’re at their house during lunch, they’ll have a huge spread or at least a bag of microwave popcorn, mom’s favorite. And if you’ve got a sweet tooth, we’re sure you’d be able to find one of dad’s stashes of Peanut M&M’s… Oh, that reminds me, don’t forget to grab a favor before you leave.
Amanda: But back to the point: We’re all here to celebrate mom and dad and recognize their forty years together… The couple that would drop what they’re doing to help you out. The couple that always has a place at their dinner table or the spare bedroom, or the pull out in the motor home for you. The couple that would help counsel you through any problem that you’re going through but be sure to pray for you while you’re going through it. They’re the couple that doesn’t miss a Sunday of church (or a Wednesday or Thursday at church, for that matter!) They’re always up for a dinner out or sharing a meal at their home.
Becky: We’ve learned a great deal from mom and dad and by watching their marriage over the years. A few themes play out over and over. We’ve narrowed them down to a top five.
Have Patience – with each other and with the Lord’s timing.
Amanda: Choose your Battles – Mom, you’re the pro at this.
Becky: A sense of Humor is a necessity – Laughter can make even the toughest situations a little better.
Amanda: Life’s too short to sweat the small stuff – Why wait to celebrate 50 years when 40 is a huge accomplishment!
Becky: And the number one thing we’ve all learned from mom and dad:
Both: God is Good, Always
Mom and Dad cut the replica cake as we sang to them... So cute.
As Dad and Mom went around the room thanking guests and saying hello, Becky and I were reveling in our success!!
We had the waitress take a group picture (and a group silly picture) and then the night was over... just like that!!!
Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! Thank you for the great example you set for us!!! I love you!
