at a loss for words....

... not because something bad happened (which is usually why someone says that phrase), but because every time I have a chance to blog, I can not for the life of me think of things to blog about.  However, when I am going through my every day life, I will do something or see someone and think, "that would make a great blog entry". 

A few things are going on lately that I'm apprehensive about.  Mostly with my work.  As you've noticed, I love my job.  I love most of the people that I work with, and I love working at this school and with this department.  Ryan is in a good school system and there is potential for him to stay there and continue moving up.  Madison is in a school system that so far (its only been a few weeks) she loves.  I don't want to have to introduce her to a new system when she's in second or third grade.  I always felt so bad for those kids in school...

So, two years ago, while the Housing Operations Coordinator was out on maternity leave, I got to do her job as an interim position.  I loved it.  I continuously joked that if she ever left, I'd jump at the chance to do her job.  I knew, though, that she'd never leave.  Her husband also works for BSU and they just bought a house in the area. 

However, she just gave her two week notice last week and accepted a job with a software company.  As you can imagine my heart started beating wildly when I heard this!!  seriously, is this a possibility??  Would I even be considered to apply for this job?  I really want that job.  I loved it so much when I did it when she was on maternity leave... LOVED IT! 
all these thoughts run through my head... wait, am I ready to move up, well, I know I am, but do my supervisors feel that I am?  Have I done enough to prove myself to the people that matter?  More importantly and really more the issue: am I ready to move off.  Currently, although I don't get paid much more than peanuts, I don't have to pay rent, utilities, internet fees, cable, ANYTHING... it's all included.... SO really, wherever I move, if I do go off, will result in a technical pay cut.  Something that is not going to be easy.  We're currently living paycheck to paycheck as it is.

There are so many what ifs that still surround this whole thing...

Firstly, they might be reorganizing the whole department because of this vacancy now... If they do that and create an assistant director position, I'd want to go for that job too.  If I did that, would it be summer conferences?  Does that mean I can't take a vacation in the summer?  I do live for my summer trips... however, not vacationing in the summer would save us money... I did a great job at the summer conference portion of my job; in fact, there were many times last summer that I had to pick up the slack for others and I did that pretty well too!  I don't mind that stuff, when I know what I'm doing, I like to do it!

Then again, they're not sure if they'll reorg the department so if they don't, will they increase the current salary for that position?  If not, can I afford to go for the job.  I've figured out a certain amount that we can live off of, and the current salary is not it!  And... all of this is so uncertain!! I haven't even heard formally what they're doing, if they're doing anything, and actually, I haven't heard from her mouth that she's leaving... just rumors....

So yes, there's a lot on my mind lately.  Mentally, I am very ready to move up.  I'm ready to supervise professional staff members and not students.  I like working with students, but I am definitely feeling the age difference when supervising them. 

I'm ready to move up.  I'm ready for new challenges.  I'm ready for the Lord to direct me where He wants me to go.  I'm listening Lord...