Taste and See....

I've started reading the "Forward Day by Day" that my parents left in my apartment (not accidentally I'm sure) when they were here. Yesterday's passage was Psalm 34: "Taste and see that the Lord is good: happy are those who take refuge in him".

The woman talks about tasting the Lord and what the Lord tastes like for her... that alone is a little weird to consider for me... But I get it, I feel like the Lord or the personal relationship we have with Him is different and feels different (or for her, tastes different) to everyone. Just as food does, I mean if things tasted the same to everyone, we'd all like or dislike the same things. I like strawberries, don't really understand how someone else doesn't, but Ryan doesn't... so it's like our relationship with the lord, I see it one way, and Ryan sees his another.

My relationship with the Lord goes through waves I think. Most of the time, he's the person inside my head that I talk to (pray to) daily, during stressful and happy times. I cursed him a lot this weekend and then felt guilty about that.

Ryan failed his MTEL (teacher test) for the 3rd time this weekend. It was by 9 points. NINE fricken points... this is the second time he's failed it by the SAME exact score! It's so frustrating too because he's been offered a 1st grade position for next year, but he HAS to pass the test.
The next test date is July 11th, and that's the last time he can take it. That date is also the memorial service for my Aunt Marsha; which neither of us wants to miss. I need closure, and so does he. So, he's going to have to go to the memorial service, then leave after about an hour, to go take this dreaded test.

After he got his failing score this weekend, he was so down... so down... and he's never down. I finally decided that I need to be more active in his studying. And I have been. I created an outline for him, breaking down what we "Think" will be on the test into subareas and I am his study group.

We each take different subjects each night and research them... then next week, we're bringing what we've learned back to each other and sharing/teaching the other what we've learned. Then I'm going to have him re-teach me what I shared with him...
It's one way to try studying... I just figure, what he was doing before, which was studying alone, was not working... so this way, I am trying my best to be supportive.

He just has to pass.

I prayed so hard for him to pass the last test and got so mad at God when he failed... Which isn't fair really... there's a reason for all of this, I just don't know what it is.
I mean, maybe this experience of us studying together is what we needed.
We're pretty effective when we work together, I think we've known that, but we've never done something like this before, studied together (he's 2 years younger so we were never in the same classes or anything) so this is a new experience... we're learning together.

I just pray to God this pays off and he can pass this test. It doesn't help that he's not a great test taker, has wicked test anxiety and blanks when he gets into the test mode... I pray to God that doesn't happen this time. He's going to be so prepared, I'm making sure of that, I just need him to be able to focus enough to pass it. 9 points, he just has to do 9 points better!! Please Lord, let these efforts work!