Running

I'm back to running every morning. I think it is good for me both physically and mentally. I need that half hour or so to clear my head that the beginning of the day, have a chat with God and just prepare for what is ahead.

I realized that I have a hard time figuring out my feelings; but my mood tells when I have them. I've been pretty moody the past two days and haven't been able to figure out why. While running this morning, I think I realized what it is.

Ryan is home with Maddie all day, and if you've read previous posts, you know that she's a handful. I realized that I have a lot of guilt that he deals with her by himself all day long. Then when I get home from work, I'm exhausted from dealing with other people's "stuff" and I'm not really sure where to jump in as far as dinner/watching/ playing with Maddie/cleaning/how much TV has she seen already, has she been outside a lot... and as a Mom, I feel like I should know and be doing all of this.
Don't get me wrong, Ryan doesn't make me feel guilty at all, its all on me... but then that reflects in my mood.

I know this is stuff that could be easily talked about, but when you don't even know that's how you're feeling, its hard to talk about it.
So... having just realized this early this morning, I think I'll bring it up tonight and find out how to fix it.

And maybe it is because I know that I would not want to be a stay at home, that I feel bad that he is. I love my girl, but I love my work and I love my time away too. Funny thing is that I never go far. The nature of my job is that I'm literally 40 steps away from my apartment when I'm in my office. Maybe that plays into it too. I don't know...

Either way, I'm sick of being moody and need to fix it.

The running, hopefully, is helping.

We are going camping in Portsmouth, RI this weekend. Its going to be nice weather, so we should have a fun time.

I wish we could be that family that takes a tent, sleeping bags, a cooler and is on their way... However, I have a list that covers one whole page (three columns wide) of things we need to bring! It gets even more cumbersome with a child... The pack-n-play, stroller, toys, high chair clip on seat, etc. They all make for a lot to pack for 2 days!! It will be worth it though. I like to get away every once in a while.

For now, I need to prepare (mentally) for staff training. A full week of professional development with my fellow RD's and office staff... I love it!