friendships...

So, last night I found out that a once "best friend" of mine got married on Sunday. Aside from being happy for her, which I am... I know this guy is an amazing guy and she's deliriously happy with him... I was hurt. Hurt that I didn't even know she got married, didn't even know she was engaged! Clearly the wedding must have been quickly planned, because I talked with her a year ago (a little over a year actually) and she told me all about him, but they weren't engaged yet.
We stopped calling each other just because of our schedules, I started taking on more at work, and just got really busy and she was in school getting her masters. Then I would text her and hear nothing.

I figured out last night that she changed her cell phone number, because I texted her to say Happy Birthday and received a message back saying the message couldn't be delivered.

I know etiquette says that if someone invites you to their wedding, you should invite them to yours... what is the etiquette on being in the wedding. She was one of my bridesmaids... shouldn't I have at least known she was getting married.

Those are my first thoughts... Then I go through the "stop being selfish - you know how expensive weddings are, you hadn't talked to her for a year and it was 5 years ago that she was in your wedding... a lot changes."
I also pretty much reminded myself that she was in my wedding, because I had promised her she would be (even before we were engaged!) I realize now that if I were to do it all over, Amber would have been in my wedding. She always should have been... I didn't keep my promise to Dawn (another friend who I had promised would be in my wedding years before it happened) so why did I feel the need to keep it with Julie. I guess, I thought it was different. Amber and I had a lot of ups and downs in college and a little after, but I should have known that our friendship was built on the love of God so it would have lasted. I hate having that regret; about the wedding. I think Amber knows, though, now, that I would have done things differently.

Anyways, I can't dwell on what I can't help. And really, I don't know why I got so bent out of shape. I guess it goes with my need to know things!! I hate being the last to find something out!! But really, who cares that I didn't know... what matters is that she's happy, married, and had a great day for her wedding day!! I'm so happy for her.

This also made me realize that I need to make a better effort with my friends. I need to let those that matter really feel like they matter. Visit with them, email them, call them (although I just hate talking on the phone, so that will be hard!)