A Day in the Life of this Working Mom

It feels like I haven't blogged in forever, but I have a good excuse... I'm a working mom of two now... and this stuff is busy!!  So when I was thinking that I never blog, I thought, "well, that's because I have no time to blog"... and tried to think of when the next time I could sit and write something... then I thought that helping you to see my typical day might explain why I haven't blogged in a while...

3:45am - Isabella wakes, hungry.  Sleepily, I feed her (on one side) and after about 20 minutes of eating, she falls asleep and I put her back in her cradle.
4:15am - I'm still full on one side, so I must get up an pump.
4:45am - I finish pumping and bagging and cleaning everything up and if it is a rest day for running, I head back to bed.  If it is a run day - I'm up for the day!
I start to get my things ready for the day and at 5am, Ryan's alarm goes off.
While he goes for his run, I do abs...
When he gets back from his run at 5:30, I get dressed and go for my run.
5:45am ish - I run three miles.
6:20am ish - I get back and get in the shower.
Once out of the shower, Madison is up, I make her breakfast.  While getting ready, Maddie eats and/or entertains Isabella (if she has woken up again).
By 7:20am, I am trying to get Maddie to decide what to wear (some days this is a much longer process than others - she's in a wicked Diva stage!)
7:35am ish - I finish getting lunches ready (Ryan starts this process, I just get anything out of the refrigerator and put the lunches in our bags for the day).
745am ish- I brush my teeth, fill my water bottle and feed Miss Isabella one last time before I head out.
8:15am- my mother-in-law shows up.  I hand Isabella over, give her Zantac
and race to finish getting ready.
8:30am - we are off.  It takes about 20 minutes to get to Bridgewater and I love my time with Maddie in the car!  We play I Spy and the slogan game...(we make up slogans for the day) like "when Mumma doesn't run in the morning, she usually forgets everything she needs" -I don't remember when this game started, but Maddie loves it!
By 9:00am I have dropped her off at school and am walking into my office to "start my day".
9:30am I close my office door and pump for the first time of the day.
My day consists of meetings, solving issues, preparing for other potential issues and I try to fit four pump sessions in there somewhere.
At 5pm, my day is done at work.
I walk in the door at 5:30, drop my bags and feed Isabella.  I try to remember to use the restroom at work before I leave because there literally is no time for me to go before feeding her!
Ryan is pretty amazing and will have dinner just about ready when I walk in, so most days I feed izzy at the table while we all eat.
If Isabella finishes eating in time, I clean up from dinner - if not, Ryan does it all.
Ryan and I take turns each night with the tub and stories routine.  On my night, after dinner 6:15pm is tubby time.  I tubby the girls, get teeth and hair brushed and read stories and Maddie is in bed by 7:15 or 7:30pm.
Many nights I am feeding Isabella while reading stories or Ryan has to do stories so I can feed her.
I feed, then in about an hour, I give her some cereal, which does not help her sleep- contrary to popular belief!!
Ryan is in grad school, so he either helps me do everything or I have to force him to go downstairs and do his schoolwork.
Most nights Isabella and I are on the couch nursing from about 7:30 or 8 until  10 when we all go to bed.
For the most part, Isabella will sleep from 10pm to 3 or 4am... And then our day starts over.

Notice I didn't mention laundry or cleaning anywhere in there... I used to fully clean the house each night after dinner/before bed.  It drives me crazy that I can't do that anymore.  I clean when/if I can.  Ryan does it otherwise

So that's the reason for lack of posting... Even as it is, right now it's 3:49am and I'm pumping - so this was the only time I have had to post!

And just because I don't like a blog post without pictures... Here are some from Isabella's birth that we didn't share with the general public...

Photo Book

I got a coupon for a free Photo Book, and I've done one each year for Madison except for this past year.  SO, I decided, it was a pretty big year.  Well, then I didn't have all the pictures I wanted to post of the whole year, so I just did the summer.  I'm pretty excited and I like the way it came out.  The book is usually $29.99 with $8 shipping and handling.  So, a $37 purchase just cost me $8.  I can't say no to that.

If you want your free book, use the code SUMMERBOOK - but you have to do it before Wednesday, so go quickly!!

 

Click here to view this photo book larger

You'll love Shutterflys award-winning photo books. Try it today.

Admitting defeat...

I am just not good at keeping this thing updated!  I've admitted it, and now I'm moving on...

I wanted to post a lot on my maternity leave, but it felt like there was never any time.  Eleven weeks went by so fast.  I've been back to work for two weeks already and I'm swamped with work.  I literally have to mark off time in my calendar for lunch and pumping or I'll get scheduled into back to back meetings and not do either.

Speaking of pumping - that is my challenge so far.  Thank God Isabella takes a bottle well - because she really has no choice.  Pumping at work is interesting.  I have to close my door and everyone in the outer office knows that if my door is closed I'm doing "motherly things".  I somehow feel dirty when pumping though.  I know it's completely normal and necessary, but it just isn't convenient and it takes up about a half hour of each day (I pump twice, so 15 minutes each time).

It's also weird having someone call my office and talk to me while I'm indisposed.  But, my beautiful baby is totally worth it.

Let me tell you about my girls at this point in their lives.
Madison is 4 years and 8 months old.  She's amazing.  For the most part (and I mean most, there are rarely times where this isn't so) she is very polite, funny, and well tempered.  She loves being around people - always asks if we can have people over for dinner and if we're going to see friends.  She loves to dance and sing and is pretty good at both!  She's starting to read - using sight words and making up whatever she can't figure out.  She is obsessed with chapsticks, headbands, flip flops, tank tops and does her hair and changes her clothes about four times each day.
She's a diva, and I did not do it!

Best of all - she's an amazing big sister.  She entertains her for me when I'm getting ready in the morning, she lets me know if she's crying when I'm in the shower.  She tries to calm her down in the car and she is very protective of her.

And my Isabella, my 3 month old bundle of cuddly love.  Isabella is such a great baby.  She is on baby zantac which makes her so much happier than she was a month ago.  Prior to this, she would scream nightly for about 3 hours at a time.  Now, she has occassional fussy times, but she's a baby, that's normal.
She is my sleeper - thank GOD!  With Madison, she just would not sleep at night.  She would rest a lot during the day and cry almost all night long.  I even remember someone telling us we needed to flip her - so we did.  We literally held her one way before bed, and turnred her upside down and back around.  It didn't work.  She cried at night for almost 9 months.
Isabella on the other hand has slept at night since the day we brought her home from the hospital.  THANK YOU GOD for that!! I mean it, I know how it is the other way, and I am so blessed.
She goes to sleep around 10:30pm and wakes up sometime after 4am, which is fine with me - I get up to run after 5am, so most mornings it works out perfectly.  I nurse her and then head out.

She is so happy, almost always smiling and she even laughs (at Ryan, but soon I'll get her to laugh at me too!)  She takes the bottle so well, but definitely lets me know I was missed when I get home from work.  She pretty much nurses off and on all night long from 5pm -10:30pm on weekdays.  Which, I really don't mind!! :)

She loves her sister.  Madison only needs to be in the room for Isabella to light up and look around the room with a smile on her face, trying to find her big sister.
She is starting to teethe, so she's drooling like crazy and chomping on her hands non-stop.  Even with a drooly mouth and slobbery hands, she's incredibly cute.

I just feel so blessed. Thank you Lord for these two amazing blessings.  And thank you for Ryan - the most amazing best friend and father I could have ever dreamed of.

Vacation

Considering I have to take vacation time for my maternity leave, I figured why not enjoy it and get the most out of it as I can...

Last week we spent the week in New Hampshire on Lake Winnepesaukee in my parents' friends' house.  It was a great week, with great weather.

We spent a good deal of time in the lake and one day we went to Story Land... My parents were troopers and did the rides with Maddie.

Madison wasn't so sure about this ride and I think my mom took the brunt of most of the splashes!









 
  The flume (Bamboo Shoots) was another one that Maddie looked scared stiff on, but she hasn't stopped talking about it since!









I wore Isabella in the moby wrap for most of the day - but there were a few rides I could do with her, so that was fun.

Madison was beyond excited the whole day.  She didn't ask for anything, she didn't whine (it was pretty warm and then there was a crazy thunderstorm with torrential rain in teh middle of the day which threatened us leaving) but she was excellent the whole day!)

There was Cinderella's castle and she was so happy to be able to meet Cinderella!! We honestly almost didn't get to go to the castle because of the rain, but I told my parents that I NEEDED to let her go to the castle before we leave (when we were going to leave due to the rain) and I am so glad we did.  Not only did we make it JUST IN TIME for the meet and greet, but the rain stopped and the sun came out after we were done.  Totally avoided an epic fail as a mom and I am thrilled about that!!

She was in her glory hugging a princess!

Ryan and Dad ran around in the mist hut to cool off!

My aunt and uncle who live in NH came and spent the day with us on Tuesday.  Maddie has only met them once, but she was not shy at all and loved telling them all about the previous day, at Story Land.

She got out the brochure and map to show them exactly what we did and where we went!! 

 

 

Of course, Ryan and I had to find a brewery (it's our thing I guess, wherever we are on vacation, we try to try out new breweries).  We went to two.  Woodstock Brewery, which we had been to before, and Moat Mountain and the beer and food were delish!



All in all, it was a great week.  We've had a great maternity leave so far.  I can not believe I only have 2 weeks left, but am so glad I'm using my time well!

I forgot...

Just how stressful a newborn can be...
I forgot how frustrating it is to not know why your baby is crying or how to solve whatever it is that is causing these fits.
I forgot how tough it is to have a colicky baby...
I forgot how stressful breastfeeding a colicky baby is... (they act hungry, eat for a minute, then pull off, and cry uncontrollably - thus your milk supply is hampered).
I forgot what it felt like to be completely exhausted...

You might think that if I did remember all of that, I wouldn't have had another...
Not true...
Not true because I didn't forget how wonderful it is to have that little baby snuggle up on  your chest.
I didn't forget how great it feels to have that baby light up when you walk in the room...
I didn't forget how incredibly adorable it is when my baby holds on to me with both hands while she is nursing...
I didn't forget what a miracle it is that Ryan and I created this little person together, and she is a complete product of our unfailing love.
And I didn't forget that unconditional love that can only come from a baby who knows only what I have shown her.

I am so blessed.

I can even find blessings in her four consecutive hours of crying - at least it stops at midnight and I was able to sleep from 12:30am-4:15am straight... and then she fell right back asleep and dint' wake up until 7:15am.
For that, I am so thankful.
I do know what it is like to have a baby cry all night long (Madison cried 12-8am non-stop for a few nights) so I will be very grateful and thankful for what I have.

After all, how can you be upset when you look at this love:

Isabella's Arrival (part 2)

With the next contraction, I pushed with all my might and I'm pretty sure I screamed like some sort of animal! The tough part about pushing is that you know its going to be the worst pain you've ever felt, but you are the one who has to do it to yourself. I can only think that cutting off your own arm or leg would feel something like this.
At one point, I had to ask Ryan to stop squeezing my hand (I was squeezing his pretty hard and he was squeezing back out of reflex) but other than that, he was just perfect - cheering me on, giving me water after every contraction, and helping me get through this.
At another point, I started to panic because my arms and legs went numb and I was shaking uncontrollably. I said, "I can't feel my body" and the nurse asked Ryan, "what did she say?" He repeated it and I said, "I can't feel my arms and legs, they're numb" to which the nurse told me to stop breathing so fast, that I was causing that to happen. So I tried hard to slow my breathing but I was in a lot of pain, and I guess I couldn't help it.  I remember thinking - Oh my God, those noises are coming from me!?!?  I was making some crazy noises with each contraction - but couldn't help it!
They gave me some oxygen through a mask and I have no idea if it actually helped or just made me feel a little better - but either way, I think I could feel my arms and legs better because I finally gave it my all and pushed with everything I had. Suddenly, I felt that intense relief and the nurse told me to stop pushing.

At 7:13pm,Ryan tearfully said, "it's Isabella!!" and I was elated, I forgot about the pain I was in; I didn't care that there was still more to do, I was just so happy!
Ryan was able to cut the cord this time (with Madison, he couldn't because it was wrapped around her neck) so he was really happy about that.
They immediately put Isabella on my chest and let us have skin to skin contact for an hour. They only took her off of me to give her the shot and eye medication she needed and then gave her right back to me to start nursing.

The tough part about labor is that you want it to be completely over once the baby is out - but it isn't! The nurse, whom I found out later was actually a midwife was great for the rest of the process - even though it was painful, she made it as comfortable as she could.

I missed that $5 by 13 minutes. But, she didn't leave right then - she took her time with me, cleaning and repairing what needed cleaning and repairing and finishing the amazing job she started with our delivery. In fact, she finally came in around 8:30pm and hugged me goodbye. I couldn't believe she stayed as late as she did for us. She was amazing!

Ryan made all of the phone calls to our family and posted what he could to let people know that she was here. Her middle name is after my mother's mom, Eleanor and I am sure my mom never expected that - so Ryan said she cried when he told her what the name was. I'm happy that we were able to honor my mom's mother. She was an amazing woman and my mom is a lot like her.

At about 9pm (actually I have no idea what time this was, but I'm assuming it was close to 9) they moved us to a recovery room (basically on the maternity ward) that we would be in until we went home. The accommodations were very nice - even the pull out bed wasn't bad for Ryan. Visiting hours were over, so no one could come visit that night but, we were actually happy to have the night to ourselves.

All of the nurses were incredible to us, and we felt so well cared for. It didn't matter that we already have a child at home, I still felt like I had no idea what to do with her!

Nursing was a bit of a challenge, as I would assume it always is - baby and mom have to learn together. We're still working on this learning. Her latch is not perfect and we're trying to get her to learn to latch better - but she's back up past her birth weight, so that is what matters!

We had the whole family come visit on Saturday along with our bff's and Ryan's cousin and family. Other than that our visitors waited to come see us at home - which was nice. Sometimes it can be stressful to have people coming to the hospital (especially when you're trying to learn to nurse and nursing every 2 hours or so), so I was just as happy to have people wait and come to the house.

So that is the story of her arrival.
Madison is adjusting to being a big sister, she's testing the waters as our attention is shared (which is to be expected) but she is being great to her sister. We're trying very hard to give her a lot of attention and make her feel included in everything that has to do with the baby.
I was slower to heal and recover this time than last time - but my body went through a lot more trauma this time than last time, so I guess that's why. Its also funny how much you forget - I forgot about the after care that is required post labor - not fun!

I'm also dying to run - but will give it a little longer before I do. I know I wont be able to jump into a 3 miler like I'd like to, but I just want to get out there and go. Timing my run with nursing will be tricky, I'm sure, but I'll figure it out. Hopefully once I do, I'll fit back into my clothes. Currently I am still wearing maternity clothes because my pants wont fit up over my hips (so annoying). I did gain 47 lbs so I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I am so impatient with this part - I just want my old body back!! I have 30 lbs to go, so it wont be easy or quick, but I'm hoping once I do start running it will come off steadily!

Maternity Leave.... Part 1

I promise I will get better at blogging.  Who likes to go to a blog with no pictures?  No one, right?  I know... my excuse is two fold.  Firstly, I couldn't find the cord to hook up the camera to the computer and then when I did, I couldn't find the camera.  Secondly, since we got the Ipad, we almost never use the laptop... but typing large amounts on the ipad is a little annoying - so those are the two reasons I haven't blogged in over a month.
Plus, I hated my last post - it was way too long... In fact, I know it is a little late, but I just went back and split it into two posts.  So, for anyone who hadn't read it yet, it should be a little less to take in one read. 

Anyways... I don't want to forget how amazing my maternity leave has been so I am determined to get blogging more.

Here's the start to that:
Clearly, it started on June 1st when I had Isabella.  We came home from the hospital on June 3rd and my mom, who had been staying with Madison at our house, had dinner ready for us and all of our laundry done (that's right, she's pretty amazing!)  She had also taken my niece for the night so that Madison had company - which I think was great, it was fun for the two girls and actually when they are together, it's almost easier for my mom.  She took them shopping and they had a ball together, with Mimi.

Two days later, we celebrated our 8 year wedding anniversary.  Even as I typed that I had to double check.  It just doesn't seem possible that we've been married for that long.  And yet, I don't remember life without  him in it (probably because it was almost 20 years ago that I had life without him in it!)
By celebrated, I mean that we took Maddie to school and then hung out all day at home.
Boy have things changed now that we have children!!

My recovery from delivery took longer than I had expected.  Ryan was a little frustrated with me because I just really wanted to be able to be up, moving, and do things - but I was pretty much confined to the house (and couch) for two weeks.    In addition to my body recovering, I was nursing Isabella  - and that was my full time job (still is).  She is not on a schedule (most people think they eat every two hours) instead, I feed her on demand - when she's hungry, my life stops.  Which at this point is every hour with maybe a 3 hour stretch during the day...

Most of you know that I was determined to have Isabella early because Madison's recital was on June 10th and I was adamant that I would make it to that.  Well, I am pleased to say that I did!
I had Isabella in the moby carrier for part of the day, but then I was a back stage dance mom for about 2 hours and Isabella slept in my mom's arms in the audience the whole time!
I am so proud of Madison - back stage, the majority of girls (young and teens) were complaining, crying, whining about their costumes being itchy, them being tired, hungry and wanting to sit in areas they weren't allowed.  However, Madison was smiling and happy the ENTIRE time!
At one point, it was about 5:15 (show started at 3) and she still had about an hour before she went on stage, I asked her "Hunny are you hungry?" and she said, "why, do you have any food for me?"  I had packed some pretzel sticks, veggie chips and goldfish as well as a water - well, clearly she was starving because she scarfed!! But I wouldn't have known, she didn't complain once.  We shared those snacks with her dance mates who were just as  hungry but were much more vocal about it!!

Here are some pictures of my dancing beauty!!

Putting lipstick and mascara on a 4 year old is much harder than it looks!

with her two bffls in dance, Ava (next to her) and Cayla

I can't figure out how to flip this one!

She did such a good job and she LOVED being on stage!!  The theme for the show was I Love New York - their dance routine was to the song "Boy from New York City" so now we still hear her singing "ooooha oooha ooooha ditty, talk about the boy from New York City" while she dances infront of the tv (to see her reflection, naturally!)
She is just so cute!

Isabella Eleanor is here!

I love looking back at Madison's arrival story so I knew that I would want to blog about Isabella's arrival too.  I've been meaning to do this post basically since we got home a little over a week or so ago, but my computer is at work and we've been using our phones and the ipad for internet needs - neither of which are easy to type on.
I finally broke out Ryan's laptop so  here goes!

Some of this might be TMI, but if you know me, you know that I don't hold back, and this post will be the same.

On Tuesday, May 29th I had been having contractions all night long and all weekend had been experiencing what I thought could be leaking of amniotic fluid.  I checked online and everything said that if your baby is still moving as usual, you should be fine.  But finally on Tuesday morning, I decided I should call the doctor's office and just see what they say.  Well, they told me to head to the hospital to be checked.  I called Ryan and he met me there.  Apparently there were multiple emergencies in the labor ward that day - so we waited a few hours before being seen.  Once we were seen they did a three part test to see if I was in fact leaking amniotic fluid.  All three tests showed that I was not.  So they sent me home.  On Wednesday morning, I had been experiencing contractions throughout the night but at about 8 minutes apart, they ceased.  However, when I woke up around 4:30am  I was bleeding.
I jumped the gun and called my parents asking my mom to head here.  Then called the doctor on call.  Well, I should have done the opposite and called the doctor first, because he stated that due to the exam the day before, the bleeding was pretty normal.  He stated that if it became constant and heavy, that is when I should come in.
So I called my parents back, apologized for waking them and was frustrated but headed back to bed.
Throughout the day I lost my mucous plug - but that can happen weeks prior to giving birth, so I couldn't get too excited about that either.
On Thursday I was determined to go to Zumba on my lunch break.  I've been doing Zumba every week for the past four or five months and I love it.  I made it to Zumba, and even though my movements were a little less emphatic than usual, I didn't experience any pain or anything.
Friday, June 1st, I woke up at 6:30am just as Ryan was leaving for work and there was a decent amount of blood.  I didn't want to worry Ryan, so I sent him off to work and said, I think it's just more of my plug.
Then I called my mom at about 7:30 who was coming to watch Madison for the day anyways and said, "you might want to bring an overnight bag" and explained the situation.
When my mom got there at about 9:00am, I called my doctor and stated, "I have my 39 week appointment at 10am, but I am bleeding so I didn't know if I should still come in or what I should do."  The receptionist said, "oh, Amanda, you should head straight to the hospital - I'll let them know you are coming".

So, I called Ryan at work (who was on a bike!- Long story short, it was "bike to school day" and he was just finishing the bike ride with all of his kids!)
He left work immediately, my mom drove me to the hospital so we'd only have one car there, and I kept apologizing to them saying, "if this isn't the real deal, I am so sorry".

We waited about 25 minutes and then were taken in to be seen.  The same woman who checked me earlier in the week was there and checked me this time.  After checking she said, "well, you're 3 cm dilated and 90 % effaced.  Are you ready to have this baby today?"
YES!
I was ready, so ready!!
Ryan and I were thrilled and I got teary eyed once it all hit me that this was really it...
At that point one of the nurses asked if I would be having an epidural - I said no and that was it.  She let me know that they have an anesthesiologist on site so there was no urgency to call someone in if I changed my mind, I could change it at any time.  But that was the only talk about pain medication - which was nice.  When I was in labor with Madison, they kept saying, "this is it for pain meds, if you want something, now's the time."  And over and over, I'd say no - but I was annoyed at that.

They moved us from the triage room into a labor and delivery room where they hooked me up to a monitor to monitor my contractions - which were about 4-5 minutes apart (but I was barely feeling them at that time).

I turned to Ryan at one point and said, "I think its a girl" and he agreed.  Something just made me feel that it was going to be a girl.  But only that day - all through my pregnancy, I had no idea and kept going back and forth.  But it seemed like everyone else was SURE I was having a boy...

I was such a baby about the IV. I knew I was not going to have any drugs, so I knew I wouldn't need the IV but it is pretty much their policy to give you an IV in case they need it - they don't want to waste time trying to get it in if there is an emergency. I HATE IVs and NEEDLES!
I made them slow the drip to almost nothing because it was bothering me so much. I was complaining about it a lot - I just hate IVs and I knew I could drink as much water as they needed me to in order to hydrate myself - but I do understand their reasoning for needing it in - and had there been an emergency, I would have been happy to have it - but at the time, it hurt and I was pissed I had to have it!

We walked the hallway a little after they put the IV in and I heard the charge nurse at the nurse station say to another woman, "I need you to call everyone that has ever done labor and ask them to please come in - we need as many people as we can get today". Come to find out - there were three c-sections going on and four of us in labor. However, you'd never have known that, had I not heard them - I never once felt like they were swamped or that I was one of many - I felt like they were catering to me the whole day.

At about noon, I made Ryan go get some food for himself - just thinking, I can't have him nauseous for this, and he gets crabby without food :) (really, who doesn't).
So at that point, I called my mom and told her it was the real deal and that I'd keep her posted. I also told my sister who was headed to New Jersey for a wedding. She was bummed that it was happening while she wouldn't be here - but clearly I understood.

When Ryan got back, the nurse came in and said that in a little bit they would break my water. So we just sat back and watched Law and Order SVU for a while while we waited. I kept having Ryan look at the monitor because I wanted to know if I was having contractions - which I was - but again, could barely feel them. At this point they were about 3 minutes apart and were pretty good (according to the monitor).

As in every room, there was a dry erase board where the nurses put their information up - well, Ryan decided that was a great board to play hangman on. So he was up putting words up there and I was guessing. Naturally, the words were 'birth', 'contraction', 'delivery' and other labor related words! It kept me distracted for a while!!

A little after 4pm, the nurse came in a broke my water and checked me again. I was only 4 cm dilated at that point - which was disheartening. She stated that the contractions should get better and we'd hope that I would dilate more. I asked if there was anything I could do to speed up the process, like sit on a yoga ball. They went and got me a ball to sit on and I leaned on the bed while bouncing on the ball.
Immediately the contractions picked up and I was soon clutching the bed about every minute or so. Ryan was great, holding my hand, massaging my back, and talking me through each contraction. The nurses were coming in and out and every time they did they were praising me "You're incredible, you're doing amazing, you're doing great!" That was so nice - it definitely helped me feel like I could continue.

At about 5:30ish, I needed to lay down as the contractions were really intense. At that point I asked Ryan to pray that the pain didn't get much worse. He leaned over my head, kissed my forehead and began to pray to God that I could handle the pain and the labor. Around 6:30pm, the nurses (Diane and Tami) came in and checked me again - I was 8cm. Diane said, "lets see what we can do with this next contraction" and basically did what needed to be done to get me to dilate more. She also joked that she would give me $5 if I could "get this done by 7pm" as that was what time she needed to leave to pick up her son.
I knew it was time to start pushing and told them, "I think I'm ready to push" and they said, "go right ahead - when you feel ready".

To be Continued...

Long Lost Update

It has been a while, and I don't really have an excuse other than I've just been so tired lately and wasn't sure what to update.

Things with the pregnancy are coming along great.  I'm officially 36 weeks tomorrow -  This pregnancy is a bit different though, than my pregnancy was with Maddie.  I really hate to complain, but here goes.  I am in a great deal of discomfort.  Every movement this baby makes has me jolting upright.  Sleeping is tough - my hips are so sore and I can only lay on my left side due to an intense pain felt on my right side when I lay on my right.  I would love to lay on my back, but that's not allowed.
I get so frustrated that I can't do as much as I want.  I get winded just walking up stairs.  I can't even make the bed without needing a break - that is so frustrating.
I've gained 35 pounds so far - which is way more than I wanted, but at least I'm creating a healthy baby - that's what counts.
Now that my complaining is done - I'll share the fun parts.  I love that my belly moves with this baby.  Maddie moved, but people could barely feel it on the outside, let alone see it.
This time, my whole stomach quakes and shivers and ripples with each movement.  I think the baby senses Maddie's presence too.  It moves towards her whenever she is on my lap or talking near me - which I think is just so cute!  I can't wait to see their relationship.

Ryan has been phenomenal with my aches and pains...But that isn't surprising.  He doesn't let me carry the laundry upstairs, I have to fight him to let me wash the floors (but I want to - I'm nesting and want to make sure everything is the way I want it!)  He has taken the polish off of my toes twice now because I can't reach.  That's love - and a great man...
I don't know what I'd do without him.  Actually, lets be honest, I wouldn't be in this situation without him!  But really, I do know how blessed I am and I do not take that for granted!!

I think that's the best I can do for an update right now - I'll try to be better at this.

Planning...

I'm a planner.  I like to know "What the plan is"... Don't get me wrong, I can go with the flow on most occasions, but I am definitely a planner.  Which, I guess is why so many people are surprised that we didn't find out the gender of either of our babies.
Ryan definitely had a lot to do with that - but I do love the surprise!

This need to plan and know what the plan is - well, you see, that's making me a little neurotic about when this bundle of love decides to make their debut.
We have asked two of our close friends (who live about 1 mile away) to be our primary contact if I go into labor at night.  They will come and stay with Madison until my parents get there.  My parents live an hour away.  They will come and stay with Madison until we get out of the hospital.

Even with this plan, there are so many if's that are driving me nuts!!  My parents have a trip to Florida planned currently for the end of April into the second or so week of May.  I'm so afraid I'll go into labor in mid May.  We don't really have a back-up plan.  There are some unresolved issues with Ryan's parents that make them a non-option.
Then there's the possibility that I go into labor at work (Lord, please no!)  Madison is at preschool while I'm at work so I'd have to call the preschool and arrange a different pick-up option (either my mom or a friend at work).  With that, I'd need to leave a car seat at the preschool so that someone can drive her home.  I'd need to leave my house keys for my parents - somewhere.

Even the small details are bugging me... I need to put clean sheets on the bed so my parents have a clean bed to sleep in.  I want to make sure the house is nice and clean to come home to.  (which isn't a huge issue, I'm a little neurotic about cleaning the house on a weekly basis, but just having things put in their place... it would bug me if I knew it wasn't done!)

And don't even get me started on work. (too late, I've started!) Part of my work responsibilities include coordinating Summer Conferences.  This starts in late January - so I've been planning for the summer knowing I won't be here.  Trying to make sure there will be no loose ends to tie up and no missed pieces is keeping me awake at night - I know, its nuts, but its true.

Then there's the aspect of what to do when I have to go back to work.  We were blessed with Ryan's mom watching Madison when I went back to work after having her.  I worked right down the hall from my apartment - so I was able to come home to breast feed and didn't have to pump much at all.  I really want to breast feed for 9 months or so like I did with her, but this time, we'll have to find a daycare (that's on my list of things stressing me out) and I'll need to pump at work.  I work with many women, and they're all pretty supportive, but its not something that I think I'll enjoy!

The daycare thing... how do people leave their 10 or 12 week old with a stranger?  How am I going to do that?  And, when do I start interviewing people or looking for the perfect daycare? 

Ok, now that its all in writing, I guess you could say that reality has hit me and I'm starting to panic a little about having this munchkin. 

I do know that it will all work out - it always does.  The Lord never leads me astray, but I just tend to stress out when trying to follow his plan...

Breathe... deep cleansing breaths... I can do this... it will all work out!

What a Scare!

All pregnant women fear it... most runners do too!

And it happened...

I fell... face first on the pavement on Friday night.

To answer everyone's first question - Yes, I am ok and so is the baby.  Thank God.
To answer everyone's second question - No, I was not running.
I have given up running for the time being - it was just too painful and I didn't want to chance it anymore (the pain wasn't a natural pregnancy feeling - it was telling me something wasn't right).

Here's what happened.

We live about 1.5 miles from a really good ice cream place.  Peaceful Meadows.  So, Ryan suggested walking down there after dinner on Friday night and it was still pretty nice out.  We put Maddie in the jogging stroller (because 3 miles is a little much for her to walk) and headed out.
I didn't change out of my flip flops because its not like I was walking for speed or anything and I'm just comfortable in flip flops.
We made it to the shop, enjoyed some ice cream (well I got a shake) and were heading back.  We had walked about .75 miles when I stepped on a stick with one foot, bringing the other end of the stick up and causing my other foot to trip on it.
I was holding my shake and just went face forward towards the pavement.  In that very instant, I knew just how bad this could be and yelled "oh Shit!"  something I NEVER say in front of Maddie.
And hit the ground.
I realized at the time that Ryan had let go of the stroller to bend down and help me up - but the stroller didn't stop... so I heard Maddie screaming "Mumma..." and crying... I kept telling Ryan to get her and that I was ok.  So I was getting myself up off the ground as he ran up to grab the stroller.  When he did, the stroller pulled back towards me but Maddie wasn't buckled (don't judge our parenting on that one - she would never get out without asking permission and we weren't walking fast enough that she could ever have gotten hurt - with this rare instance being a total exception!) and she went forward, falling out! 
Ryan quickly picked her up and she was bawling at this point, but kept saying "Mumma, is the baby ok?"
I kept telling her that the baby was fine and that I was fine (although I wasn't quite sure of either of those things at that point!)  I knew my elbows and knees were pretty hurt and I had gotten up so quickly I couldn't tell if I had actually fallen on my stomach or not.  I know I ended up flat on the ground, but I didn't know if my stomach had actually made impact or not.  It didn't hurt but I just didn't know.
Ryan carried Maddie the rest of the way home (which is no easy feat, she weighs about 40 lbs and we still had .75 miles left to go!) because she was so scared.    The entire way she kept asking if I was ok and if the baby was moving. 
(sidenote: I could not get over how concerned and in tune with the fact that the baby was the #1 concern she was.  This concern lasted all weekend - and even this morning it was the first thing she asked me when she woke me up!)
So, we got home and I immediately sat on the couch with my feet up, as this is the position in which the baby usually shows the most activity.
I felt very slight movements - but am used to huge kicks and was pretty much freaking myself out because the movements weren't huge.

Ryan was great (as always) and grabbed a bowl of soapy water and cleaned up my elbows, wrists, and knees which were pretty badly scraped up.  I had to act like it didn't hurt like a b*tch when he poured the hydrogen peroxide on them because Maddie was already so freaked out... So instead of crying, I laughed, and said it tickled.  IT DID NOT TICKLE (for the record).

Then after Ryan calmed Maddie down and got her to bed, I texted my sister just an FYI, saying, Hey, Just so you know, I fell tonight but am fine.  The baby is moving but I thought I'd let you know.

She immediately texted me back (I knew she was at a church thing - otherwise I'd have called her) and said, "Amanda, please call the doctor."

I think I subconsciously texted her because I knew that would be her response.  I didn't want to be an overreactive mother - but I also was a bit nervous.

Her next text was what got me on the phone with my doctor's office.  She said, "Amanda, I don't want to panic you, but please call the doctor.  I fell two days before Christian was born - I just need to know from the doctor that your baby is ok".

For those who don't know, when my sister was 6 months pregnant with her first child, she spontaneously went into labor and although they tried to stop it they were unable to stop the labor.  She had a baby boy, Christian who lived for 2 hours and then passed away in her arms.  His lungs just weren't enough to sustain him.  I wont go into the pain and suffering that she faced from this - but her text was certainly enough to get me to call.

I called and after a little mix-up with my phone number, I finally heard back from the on call doctor who stated that I was probably ok especially if my hands and knees were beat up and that I was feeling the baby move, but if I wanted to be reassured, he'd be happy to have me come in and go on a monitor.

I said to Ryan, "I just don't want to regret that I didn't go" to which he said, "ok, then you need to go".
We debated having our good friends (who live 5 minutes away) come to watch Maddie so Ryan could come with me - but I knew I could be a big girl and go by myself!  Plus, I knew how scared Maddie was already that if she ever woke up and we weren't there, she'd have freaked!

So, I drove to the ER at 11pm and got right into the maternity ward.  They hooked me up to a monitor and it took like 10 minutes to get the baby's heartbeat - which scared me but I could feel it moving, so I knew it must be there!!
They finally got the heartbeat on the monitor and they wanted 20 minutes on the reading so I just laid there for 20 minutes listening to my beautiful baby's heartbeat and laughing as it was moving all around!

Thank you God!!

Since we're at a new hospital (from when we had Maddie) I was very curious about the labor and delivery rooms and the nurse that worked with me was so nice - she gave me a little tour of the ward just before I left.
I'll admit, it got me very excited for when its time for this baby to make its appearance!!

So, alls well, but it was quite a scare!

My wounds are very sore (and very gross) but I'll take that if it means that my baby was well protected!

Sometimes you're the windshield...

Today, I'm the bug...

Well, that's a lie, tonight - I guess...

So, today I had an awesome day shopping with my mom.  First we picked out material for her to make Easter Dresses for the girl cousins and curtains for the baby's room.  We could have stayed in Jo-Ann Fabrics for hours... In fact, I don't know why we didn't shop around more... But, maybe that will give us an excuse to go again soon.

Then we went to the Vera Bradley outlet and I picked out my birthday gift!  I got the Metropolitan bag that I've been eying for quite some time!  I love it...

Next we had to hit carters and check out the baby clothes.  We bought Madison a "Big Sister" t-shirt, because she has a long sleeve shirt, but will need a t-shirt for when the baby comes in the spring!

After that we had lunch together and hit Kohls.  They don't have a Kohls near my mom, so she always likes to get there when she can... and really, who doesn't!

While we were out though, I got one of those dreaded emails from my boss.  You know, "we need to talk about this"... email.  Seriously, why do people do that through email?  And on your one day off where they know you're celebrating and enjoying the day.  So, I was in a panic all day...
The email stemmed from another email I was waiting to hear back on - so I kept checking my email on my phone to try an avoid any further issue with my boss.  Knowing/Hoping it was an easy fix, but still worrying.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't let it totally ruin my day - I just hate that I was preoccupied with work bs when I should have been completely work-free enjoying the day with my mom.

Later in the day - that issue was resolved, and what I had hoped would happen, did- so I was able to make the whole thing "not a situation".

Then at night, I happened to check email again (mainly because I hate walking into work with a huge inbox full of emails that I wont have time to get to) and I had another email basically asking if I did my job correctly?
seriously?
I'm not sure how it was intended to make me feel, but I can tell you, I was in tears.  Basically feeling like I had been punched in the stomach....

Of course I did what I was told to do - the issue was actually caused by someone else not doing THEIR job... and lucky for me, I had email proof of that - but still - my integrity was questioned and I felt quite hurt and distrusted.

There are most days when I love my work.  Today is one of those days where I do not feel valued and I wasn't even at work to receive this treatment... that's what sucks.

I'm not sure if my boss reads this blog, I'm pretty sure she doesn't - and I'm not saying anything bad about her - what I'm saying is how her actions made me feel.  And its hard to say face to face - "when you emailed me, you made me feel like crap.." So I don't know that I'll necessarily be able to address the issue... but it just was a pretty crappy thing to have happen ...   especially during and after such a great day with my mom.
I also am pretty sure that she's not intending to hurt me or cause me so much stress - but clearly it does...

I know that I should not read email at home or on my phone... for these exact reasons... but sometimes it does help to alleviate stress while at work... In this case, it completely added to stress that didn't need to be there...
And yes, I do know that I can be overly sensitive and take things way too personal.  That's part of my issue with people at work - I care too much what they think and want to please them.  I have to realize that I just can't please everyone all the time.

I also need to not let work get me so upset.
I have an amazing husband, a great daughter, a wonderful mother and father and just so many fantastic family members that all make my life complete.... why do I let work take over and stress me out?!?

A lot of times I wonder about another job and then I have to remind myself that it is probably this way everywhere - there are good days and bad days at work... My goal at my work is to help students, to make them feel comfortable... if I am doing that, I'm doing a good job - and if my efforts are in that direction, than I'm doing my job correctly.  I don't need anyone's approval or pat-on-the-back about it...

Thanks for letting me vent... I try not to do that on here, but sometimes I just need to get it out...

what's kicking?

More baby news... I'm really feeling the baby kick lately and sometimes it's a lovely feeling, while other times, I literally jump out of my seat because it is so uncomfortable.

Ryan and I laid in bed last night just laughing at how hard the kicks were - while he was laughing, I was cringing, but laughing too.  I do love it, I love the feeling and knowing that I'm growing a life inside of me, but man does it hurt sometimes!!!

When I was pregnant with Maddie, I remember at about 6 months, I got this terrible burning/cramp/tearing pain under my right breast.  I was so thankful a few weeks ago when I realized I didn't have that pain with this baby...
I spoke too soon.

It literally feels like something is ripping or burning inside.  And it comes and goes (thank God it isn't constant) but gets worse after I eat anything.

You'd think that would help me not eat as much, but that couldn't be further from the truth!!  Fact is, I can't stop eating!! I'm hungry all the time!!  My weight gain is ridiculous too, but I'm trying not to be too crazy over it.  There isn't much I can do other than try to make healthy choices when I do eat (ok, the ice cream sundaes from Friendly's are not healthy at all, but they're soo damn good!)

I'm pretty sure I've gained about 20 lbs so far.  I'd really like to keep it around 30 total, but I have three months left and at this rate, I don't know how that will be possible!!  As long as my baby is healthy, though, I'll do whatever it takes to get the weight off afterwards - I did it before, I can do it again!

Ryan got the nursery all painted and set to go while he was on break last week and it made me so excited and just "ready" to move forward.  I am 6.5 months and feel like I am ready!!  Which means the next three months are going to be tough!
We actually have a decent amount of clothing, so we're pretty set.  Maddie was such a big help preparing the nursery too.  She was wiping the changing table and monitor down with a clorox wipe because "it all needs to be nice and clean for the baby".

Last night when the baby was kicking at dinner, she jumped out of her seat and put her hand on my belly to feel it (of course, the baby stopped kicking then) but she's so cute!

I did take another picture last week, so when I get a chance at home, I'll post. 

Baby Belly...

I was told that I was not doing a good job of keeping people up to date with my belly pictures.  I will admit, I'm not doing a good job at all.  I only have two pictures!

By the time I remember to take them, I'm ready for bed and too lazy to grab the camera!

Here they are though -

This was taken at about 14 weeks

This was 20 weeks.  (don't mind the see through shirt!)

So there you have it.  I didn't notice that the shirt was see through until I went to post the pictures and thought, "what the heck, I can't go back and take another" (it was 2 weeks later).

I will try to be better at taking them and posting them.

My funny 4 year old

Sometimes Madison means to be funny... other times, she had no idea just how funny she is or even, why she's so funny...

While driving to school/work today; Red Solo Cup came on the radio.

"*Gasp* Mumma, we love this song!!"  she said with a huge smile on her face and she immediately started singing along.

"Mark says we shouldn't sing this song Mumma."

"Mark who?"

"Mark, my cousin, Mark.  Why shouldn't we sing this song?"

"Well, the song is a silly song about drinking - and a lot of people use Red Solo Cups when they play drinking games or drink a lot - I guess that is why he said not to sing the song. But you can sing it, just don't sing it at school, ok?"

"Yeah, I won't. Because I don't drink a lot at school anyways."

running again

Knowing that I've been using my pregnancy as an excuse to eat like crap and pig out recently, I finally decided that I needed to start running again.

It is so hard to start up again, but I really do love it - so I just did!

I ran really slow and only did 2 miles - but it felt wonderful.  Actually, it was tough, but I felt wonderful that I did it!  My lower stomach hurt a bit during the run and I realized that my abs have separated (half on the bottom of my baby bump and half on the top)... so that pain I felt (which was more uncomfortable than pain) was actually my abs.   You might not know this, but when you run, you actually engage your abs without even trying.  So, my abs, having not been used in over 10 weeks finally got a little action...
Also, my lower back has been causing me some trouble over the past few months and during my first run it was a bit sore too.
My breathing was great (I was running pretty slow - 11:30 pace) so I am sure my heart rate was where it should have been and when I got home I felt so refreshed!!

I took the next day off to let my muscles recoup a bit and ran the day after that.  My pace increased and my back pain was almost non-existent.  My lower ab pain was hardly noticeable this time and again, I felt great!  The next few days were very cold and it snowed about 8 inches, so I had to take a few days off. 

Tuesday, I was back at it.  I ran 2.5 miles this time and my pace was just under 11 minutes.  This time, the back and stomach pain were completely gone.  I did feel tired when I got home (which is not typical for me unless I run 8+ miles) so I do know that I'm a lot less in shape than I should be - but overall, a great run.

Today, I ran 2.5 again and felt great.  No pain, no discomfort, and my breathing was fine the whole time.  Also, at lunch HR offered a zumba class today and I took that.  I loved it.  It was my third or fourth time taking zumba and it's so much fun.
The instructor was great and she made some adjustments for me (basically just with abs) knowing I shouldn't be doing anything with abs.  She also had me use my own disgression with the jumping... I took it easy.

I just think the more active I stay, the better I feel emotionally, physically and mentally.  I've already gained 15 pounds and I know that I gained a lot at the end of my last pregnancy, so I'm trying to keep that under control as best I can. 

Its just so hard because I work my butt off to stay the size I am (when not pregnant) and I don't think I will ever be just ok with gaining weight - even when I know that it's normal and required... it's still very difficult.

I'm very focused on making sure my baby is healthy, let there be no mistake about that.  But I want to make sure I'm keeping myself in check and healthy at the same time...

I'm also wondering if and how I will be able to keep up my running and training (I plan to do another Half Marathon in October) with two kids.  I'm actually wondering how everything will be with two kids.  I feel like if I were going to be a stay at home mom, I might be a little more at ease, but I have to worry about how I'll go back to work - daycare, managing getting two kids and myself out of the house in the morning on time... There's a lot to think about... and I'm at that point right now of wondering how I'll balance it all.  (don't get me wrong, stay at home moms have plenty to worry about and I couldn't do what they do - but the work aspect and daycare/preschool aspect are two areas I am worrying about that I might not have to as a SAHM).
Thank God I have Ryan... He's pretty supportive about my running (well, recently he's not all that thrilled that I'm running again - but he understands it.  He worries the whole time I am out there; its 6am and still dark out, cold, and clearly he worries I'll fall or something.) 
I am smart about it.  I want to be healthy about it too.

So that's my running rant... I'll keep it up as long as its comfortable.

Cancer

Did you know that one in three people will eventually be affected by cancer?  Isn't that a terrible statistic?  It makes my stomach turn.
When Ryan and I went for our Genetic Counseling appointment we had to go through a whole family history and Ryan and I realized that there is a lot of cancer in our families.  My maternal grandfather had colon cancer, my maternal grandmother had skin cancer and My father HAD bladder cancer.  Ryan's cousin had caner (I can't remember which type), his uncle had testicular cancer, his grandmother has cancer and we're praying the cancer stops there!!
When I said at that appointment, "Wow, I never realized how much cancer was in our family"  the genetic counselor said, "Well, one in three of us will be affected."  And I just stopped and stared at her!  Ouch.


Why am I writing about such a downer topic... well, I have had a week that is cancer full, or not cancer full - however you look at it.

Tuesday, while sitting at my desk knee deep in writing html code at work, my cell phone rang.  It was my dad's cell phone number - my parents rarely call me at work so immediately, that pit in my stomach returned.
Much to my surprise, he was jovial, but I could tell he was choked up.  "I just wanted to tell you that I had my cystoscopy and the doctor said that it was clean - not a trace of cancer... I don't have to go back for another year"... I will never forget that phone call. 
We have been praying for two and a half years that this would happen... and here it was!!  Thank you God for your blessings!!

Today, was not as great.  Two weeks ago, one of my RAs from last year came to me and told me that while at the dentist, he was told that his xray showed a tumor above his teeth, behind his nose; in his head.  He would need a biopsy.  At that time, I thought, "he's only twenty one, there's no way this is going to be anything scary."
The next day he had gone in for a consult and came home and said, "They're saying it's likely cancer"... No no no, he's only in his twenties, this can't really be.  I told him, "Don't worry about this until you know whether or not it is really something to worry about.  They haven't tested it at all, so don't worry yet."  It seemed to help. 
A week later, he came in practically bouncing off the walls.  "It's not cancer!! They said that based on what they saw when they biopsied that it was 98% not cancer".  He knew he'd still have to have it removed and the results from the biopsy hadn't come back yet, but just hearing that there was only 2% chance made him so much better.

Today, he came walking into my office with tears in his eyes.  My heart sunk.  The biopsy results showed that it is cancerous and rather than waiting until March (spring break) to have it removed, he goes in for a consult in 6 days to have it taken out immediately.  They believe they can get the whole thing, but he's still scared out of his mind.  This poor kid...  He's such a fun, happy, goofy young kid and he doesn't deserve this - not that anyone does... I don't know why I say that, but he's dealt with a lot of crap these past two years and he is in store for some good things... certainly not this.

He asked me today, "Why me?"  I told him that it is because he is strong enough to handle and beat this.  That these things happen to people who can handle them and that he will beat this and his story will give someone else the strength and courage they need to get through something like this. 
I honestly believe that.

My boss talked with him after I did and then came and talked to me.  She told me that she said to him, "Amanda's dad is a prime example of how keeping a positive attitude and determination to beat cancer really works."  I was so proud that someone who doesn't even technically know my dad knows how he handled this horrible disease.

She did forget one thing, prayer and faith in God.  My dad's faith in the Lord's plan for him is really to be credited.  That itself gave him his determination and positive attitude (which, might not have been positive ALL the time, but it certainly was positive on the outside more than not)...

I ask that those of you reading this would please say a prayer for Chris.  And a prayer of thanks for my dad, because the Lord certainly has blessed us. 

Pregnancy Update

I was reminded the other day by a friend that I haven't updated much about the pregnancy... which is pretty funny to me, in a way, because I don't eat, sleep, and breathe this pregnancy like I did my last one, so not blogging is probably just a product of that fact.
My last pregnancy, I guess, being my first, was all I could think about.  This time, until recently (now that I'm really showing) I haven't been obsessed with it.  In fact, there are times (mostly when eating) that I actually have to stop and remind myself, "wait, you're pregnant, can you eat that?"

It certainly isn't because I don't care - I do!  I can't wait for this baby to be here.  I don't' know that I ever wanted anything more.  From the moment we started trying to conceive I wanted this baby with a fiery passion.  And now, its pretty hard to think I have to wait another 4 months before he or she will be here.

I'm feeling pretty good all around... just still very tired.  I supposed working 8 hours a day and being a mom to a spunky 4 year old will do that to me - but I'm used to having a ton of energy so it's just frustrating at times.
We had a Level 2 ultrasound yesterday to determine whether this baby has cleft lip and/or cleft palate and I'm so relieved to say that all signs point to no.   God is so good.  What was really sad was in the genetic counseling appointment, the counselor asked if we were finding out because we would terminate if the baby DID have cleft lip and palate.  I can't imagine having that mind set.  I had it a little rough growing up with a birth defect (or as they call it 'birth difference') but I would never terminate a pregnancy because of it.  Don't get me wrong, I don't judge others for terminating for their own reasons, but I just don't think that cleft is a reason for me to do that.  The reason we were there was to better prepare ourselves if the baby were to have it.

My parents weren't prepared at all.  They had no idea that I would have any defect and then had no idea what was in store for me once I was born with this.
I can't imagine how scary and traumatic it was for them - I like to be prepared... having a baby is life altering enough... That's why we were there...

So that's my update. We have a healthy baby developing in there... and no we are not finding out.  We don't peek at our Christmas presents either!!
We're waiting and will relish in the surprise! 
And no, we're not sharing the names that we pick out either.  I don't care what you think about the name I pick and if I tell you now, you're bound to tell me what you think about it...
Ok, that sounds harsh... We like secrets, and we like surprises!  I know for a fact that if I had told people we were thinking of naming our girl Madison the last time, some people's reactions would have offended me to the point where I would have contemplated changing my mind about it - and I don't want to a.) feel guilty that you don't care for a name I pick or b.) let someone's reaction change what I want for my child.

People keep asking me if I feel that i'm having either a boy or a girl... I have no idea - honestly.  I mean I guess I lean towards girl, but that's only because it is all I know...


On another note, my other baby turned 4 on Tuesday.  I can't believe I have a four year old.  If I knew that this delivery would go just as hers did, I'd be so excited.  I still relish that as the best day of my life...

Madison's Delivery... Not to be lost

I just realized I didn't have this on my blog, but don't want to ever forget it... so I'm putting it in here... 

Hello all! So many of you have asked how the whole delivery went and what happened, since I was 15 days early... so I figured, the best way to share our story is by blog. I'll warn you, I'm not going to leave out any details, so get ready!!

Ok... it started, I think Wednesday evening when Ryan went Jammin with his dad and cousin, I was debating going to the gym or not ( I hadn't gone that morning and was feeling guilty)... So I texted Michelle asking if she was going, and I'm very glad she encouraged me to go with her! We went to the gym and walked on the treadmill for a while, and although I didn't say anything, my back was hurting a good amount as I was walking. I thought it a bit strange, but wanted my workout in, so I kept walking. We didn't get to do weights because the gym was closing, so after our walk, I came home and took a nice hot shower. After Ryan came home, we went to bed around 11 ish... and at 1:45am I woke up to go to the bathroom... a pretty usual occurance this late in my pregnancy. I realized that something wasn't right, I had either broken into a pretty intense sweat or my water might have broken.
After going to the bathroom, I realized that there was some pink visable in the toilet... knowing that I don't usually pee pink pee, I realized something might be going on. I went out to the living room, grabbed my What to Expect Book and looked up "How to know if your Water Breaks"... basically it told me if I thought there was some blood to call the doctor.
So, I grabbed my cell phone and called my doctor's office. However, no one picked up. Not even an answering service. Wondering what the heck to do now, I thought that I might have a different number than their main number, so I googled my office and found the same number. I tried again, and this time, thank goodness, the answering service picked up. I told the poor woman who just wanted my name and date of birth everything that I was thinking and nervous about... and she told me the that the on-call doctor would call me back. As I was spilling my guts to the answering woman, Ryan woke up and called out to me. I went into the bedroom and explained what was going on, and jumped back into bed with my cell phone... (ok, I didn't jump, I couldn't have jumped if you paid me... I waddled my ass back into bed groaning the entire time!)
A few minutes later my phone rang and the on-call doctor listened to what I had gone through and said, "Ok, you know where Morton Hospital is, why don't you head here and we'll check you out to see what's going on." I asked him, "ok, should I rush?" and he said "No, no need to rush, take your time and we'll see you when you get here."
So Ryan and I got up, and we decided that even though this was probably a false alarm, we'd bring our bags. So we finished packing the bags, grabbed the GPS (because neither of us could remember how to get to the hospital despite our 4 previous trips!) and headed out the door. The whole way to the hospital, I kept saying, you don't have to go to work tomorrow on 3 hours of sleep, sorry if this is nothing... etc. about it not being the real thing.

We left our bags in the car, knowing we'd be headed home in about an hour and went in to admitting. The on-call dr. had let them know we were coming, so our check-in process was very quick and smooth.
Once we got to the labor and delivery unit, two nurses (Janet and Debbie) met us and were so sweet! They explained everything they were doing and calmed us down!
They hooked me up to a fetal monitor (monitoring the baby's heartbeat) and a uterine monitor (measuring for contractions.) They they did a "dipstick test" to see if my water had actually broken. The test was basically inconclusive, the second line that was supposed to show if the water had broken was very faint and they just couldn't tell. So, they called the doctor and he came up and said that he needed to examine me in order to tell. This was at about 3:45am now.
This exam was traumatic, maybe more for Ryan than for me! Metal clamps??! Really, you can't tell me that there is no better way to check a woman's insides than metal clamps!! But, thats what happened... So he checked, and said, "Hmm... I'm not so sure your water broke. And your cervix is closed tight. Oh wait, I think I see hair." Then he stopped the exam checked again, and said, "I need to do another exam just to check." Great, I thought, two for the price of one! Hello again, metal clamps!
"Yes, that is baby's hair..." (he was Indian, I'm bad with accents, forgive me!)
The nurses then took over.
"Ok, your water broke, you're here for good. We'll probably start potocin in a bit to get you contracting. Lets get you back on a monitor."
If you're wondering what the baby's hair has to do with my water breaking, so did we, so I asked.
Janet explained that my cervix was closed, so they couldn't really see much, but that if the baby's hair had been pushed through the cervix than something, the fluid, had done that pushing... so it was still attached to her head, but it had been pushed through!
So, they hooked me back up to the monitor and said, "Oh, you're having contractions."
And, I thought, "this is great, if I'm having contractions and can't even feel them, this is going to be so easy!!" HAHAHAHA so wrong!!
At that point my contractions were about 5-8 minutes apart, and I couldn't feel them so much.
They moved us from a "Labor room" to a "Labor and Delivery Room"... and we just hung out watching Saved By the Bell episodes for a few hours. At about 7:30am, I sent Ryan to get himself some breakfast.
At about 8:30am, I could definitely feel all the contractions and they were about 4 minutes apart, so the nurse checked me and I was 3cm. dialted and 90% effaced. They came in and took some blood and put an IV in. If you know me, you know that I have a very bad history with IV's (including veins that collapsed and episodes of passing out when just seeing someone with an IV) so this was almost the worst part for me. They tried 3 times to find a good vein, bruising 2 in the process, and finally got it in. Well, as always, I felt like I was going to pass out, so they had me breathing slowly, drinking water, and trying to calm myself down. It worked, and I prayed the feeling away!
We decided we'd call our parents and Becky and just let them know what was going on, but not to head to the hospital until we had the baby (we wanted time to spend with our new one, without worrying about people waiting for us.)
We walked the hall outside the labor and delivery unit for about an hour until my contractions were getting too much to stand up.
Ryan reminded me now, that I was peeing every few minutes at this point. (I forgot!)
We went back into the LDR room, and they checked me again, this was at about 10 or 10:30 am. At that point, I was 8.5 cm dialated! We were pretty happy that we had gone 5.5 cm in just two hours! However, with that came wicked strong contractions. So, the new nurse, Darlene (I kept calling her Dolores by mistake!) got me a yoga ball to sit on and breathe out the contractions. Which, if you want advice, I strongly suggest the birthing ball, it was great!! I sat on that on the end of the bed and Ryan massaged my back through each contraction, which were about 2 minutes apart at this point and really getting stronger.
They offered me an epidural and some pain meds, but I was determined to do this o-naturale! I had a hard enough time with the IV, the epidural itself made me want to pass out, just the name!! So I declined all drugs! I was even pissed that I was getting fluid through the IV, I told them if they took it out I'd drink all the water they wanted me to, but that didn't work!
So... at one point, maybe about 11am, I really had to go to the bathroom, but the nurse said, "let me just check you before you do that, you may be more dialated than we think and it might not be that you have to go to the bathroom."
So, she did, and she said, "Yeah, you don't have to go to the bathroom, you're fully dialated, and you're ready to push!"
Ok, in all the movies, the women are so happy to be ready to push and so set to push the baby out... not in this movie! I was scared shitless and didn't know how to push...
It took a few tries to get the hang of pushing.. well, I don't know that I really got the hang of it... I know that it killed!!
Ryan was awesome! I can't even put into words how much his support meant to me and got me through the whole ordeal, especially without drugs!
From telling me how proud of me he was, to rubbing my face and head with ice cubes and giving me water after every contraction, to telling me to keep pushing when I just seriously wanted to give up...and praying outloud with me for the pain to ease and the birth to come quickly... he's seriously the most amazing husband I could have ever asked for. Not that I didn't know that already, but a situation like this completely reminds you how lucky you are!
Finally, I gave it my all, pushed until I saw stars (literally) and honestly thought I was killing myself, and out the baby came!!
From watching the movies and A Baby Story, I had expected it when they told me to stop pushing for a minute and just pant, but this was a lot different when they said that... But I did, I panted like crazy and then pushed when they said to, and she was completely out... (see below for how this is relavent!)
Ryan was crying, I was crying and in awe to the point where i couldn't really comprehend, but I heard the nurse say, "its a girl" and totally perked up!!! A GIRL!!! I so badly wanted a girl!!!

They put her on my chest and I instantly fell in love... I know, it sounds cheezy, but its so true. Then, I got to shower!!! While the nurse was helping me shower, I heard Ryan on the phone and I heard him say, "oh yeah, I don't know why, they didn't even ask me if I wanted to cut it."
So I asked the nurse, how come Ryan didn't cut the cord.
Darlene told me that the cord was wrapped very tightly around her neck that the dr. had to cut it from the neck, he couldn't even unwrap her!! There was no time to ask Ryan to cut it.
I was so glad they didnt' tell us that, he just told me to pant and not push, so he could cut it and clamp it. We would have freaked if we thought there was something wrong.

The parts they don't tell you is the after birth process. I mean, the birthing instructor went over it, saying, after you deliver the baby, they want your uterus to contract, so they'll push on it and give you some potocin to contract it... but they POUNDED on my stomach to get it to contract... well, the problem is that I was bleeding too much and they were afraid I was hemoraging, so they had to work quickly to get it to contract.

Either way, they got it to do what it was supposed to and they were just monitoring me for a few hours afterwards... I was too focused on Madison to even really care, other than the fact that I was really pale!

After about an hour or 2, my parents showed up with roses and tears! They moved us to the Maternity ward and we were in our room by 3pm. They made me eat some lunch before I could do much, but I just wasn't hungry, I wanted to be with my girl!

And, I think the rest is probably boring to you all... like my battle with breast feeding that I'm still waging! The size c/d boobs are great but the pain of engorgement is soooo much that it's not worth the looks!! Hahaha... seriously though, the recovery for a birth is so much more than I thought it would be! if you know other recovering moms... be good to them, they're in a lot of pain!!

Well, I think that's the gyst of my experience... and I wouldn't trade one piece of it for the world! My next child will be a drug free birth too, I now know I can do it!