Long Lost Update

It has been a while, and I don't really have an excuse other than I've just been so tired lately and wasn't sure what to update.

Things with the pregnancy are coming along great.  I'm officially 36 weeks tomorrow -  This pregnancy is a bit different though, than my pregnancy was with Maddie.  I really hate to complain, but here goes.  I am in a great deal of discomfort.  Every movement this baby makes has me jolting upright.  Sleeping is tough - my hips are so sore and I can only lay on my left side due to an intense pain felt on my right side when I lay on my right.  I would love to lay on my back, but that's not allowed.
I get so frustrated that I can't do as much as I want.  I get winded just walking up stairs.  I can't even make the bed without needing a break - that is so frustrating.
I've gained 35 pounds so far - which is way more than I wanted, but at least I'm creating a healthy baby - that's what counts.
Now that my complaining is done - I'll share the fun parts.  I love that my belly moves with this baby.  Maddie moved, but people could barely feel it on the outside, let alone see it.
This time, my whole stomach quakes and shivers and ripples with each movement.  I think the baby senses Maddie's presence too.  It moves towards her whenever she is on my lap or talking near me - which I think is just so cute!  I can't wait to see their relationship.

Ryan has been phenomenal with my aches and pains...But that isn't surprising.  He doesn't let me carry the laundry upstairs, I have to fight him to let me wash the floors (but I want to - I'm nesting and want to make sure everything is the way I want it!)  He has taken the polish off of my toes twice now because I can't reach.  That's love - and a great man...
I don't know what I'd do without him.  Actually, lets be honest, I wouldn't be in this situation without him!  But really, I do know how blessed I am and I do not take that for granted!!

I think that's the best I can do for an update right now - I'll try to be better at this.

Planning...

I'm a planner.  I like to know "What the plan is"... Don't get me wrong, I can go with the flow on most occasions, but I am definitely a planner.  Which, I guess is why so many people are surprised that we didn't find out the gender of either of our babies.
Ryan definitely had a lot to do with that - but I do love the surprise!

This need to plan and know what the plan is - well, you see, that's making me a little neurotic about when this bundle of love decides to make their debut.
We have asked two of our close friends (who live about 1 mile away) to be our primary contact if I go into labor at night.  They will come and stay with Madison until my parents get there.  My parents live an hour away.  They will come and stay with Madison until we get out of the hospital.

Even with this plan, there are so many if's that are driving me nuts!!  My parents have a trip to Florida planned currently for the end of April into the second or so week of May.  I'm so afraid I'll go into labor in mid May.  We don't really have a back-up plan.  There are some unresolved issues with Ryan's parents that make them a non-option.
Then there's the possibility that I go into labor at work (Lord, please no!)  Madison is at preschool while I'm at work so I'd have to call the preschool and arrange a different pick-up option (either my mom or a friend at work).  With that, I'd need to leave a car seat at the preschool so that someone can drive her home.  I'd need to leave my house keys for my parents - somewhere.

Even the small details are bugging me... I need to put clean sheets on the bed so my parents have a clean bed to sleep in.  I want to make sure the house is nice and clean to come home to.  (which isn't a huge issue, I'm a little neurotic about cleaning the house on a weekly basis, but just having things put in their place... it would bug me if I knew it wasn't done!)

And don't even get me started on work. (too late, I've started!) Part of my work responsibilities include coordinating Summer Conferences.  This starts in late January - so I've been planning for the summer knowing I won't be here.  Trying to make sure there will be no loose ends to tie up and no missed pieces is keeping me awake at night - I know, its nuts, but its true.

Then there's the aspect of what to do when I have to go back to work.  We were blessed with Ryan's mom watching Madison when I went back to work after having her.  I worked right down the hall from my apartment - so I was able to come home to breast feed and didn't have to pump much at all.  I really want to breast feed for 9 months or so like I did with her, but this time, we'll have to find a daycare (that's on my list of things stressing me out) and I'll need to pump at work.  I work with many women, and they're all pretty supportive, but its not something that I think I'll enjoy!

The daycare thing... how do people leave their 10 or 12 week old with a stranger?  How am I going to do that?  And, when do I start interviewing people or looking for the perfect daycare? 

Ok, now that its all in writing, I guess you could say that reality has hit me and I'm starting to panic a little about having this munchkin. 

I do know that it will all work out - it always does.  The Lord never leads me astray, but I just tend to stress out when trying to follow his plan...

Breathe... deep cleansing breaths... I can do this... it will all work out!

What a Scare!

All pregnant women fear it... most runners do too!

And it happened...

I fell... face first on the pavement on Friday night.

To answer everyone's first question - Yes, I am ok and so is the baby.  Thank God.
To answer everyone's second question - No, I was not running.
I have given up running for the time being - it was just too painful and I didn't want to chance it anymore (the pain wasn't a natural pregnancy feeling - it was telling me something wasn't right).

Here's what happened.

We live about 1.5 miles from a really good ice cream place.  Peaceful Meadows.  So, Ryan suggested walking down there after dinner on Friday night and it was still pretty nice out.  We put Maddie in the jogging stroller (because 3 miles is a little much for her to walk) and headed out.
I didn't change out of my flip flops because its not like I was walking for speed or anything and I'm just comfortable in flip flops.
We made it to the shop, enjoyed some ice cream (well I got a shake) and were heading back.  We had walked about .75 miles when I stepped on a stick with one foot, bringing the other end of the stick up and causing my other foot to trip on it.
I was holding my shake and just went face forward towards the pavement.  In that very instant, I knew just how bad this could be and yelled "oh Shit!"  something I NEVER say in front of Maddie.
And hit the ground.
I realized at the time that Ryan had let go of the stroller to bend down and help me up - but the stroller didn't stop... so I heard Maddie screaming "Mumma..." and crying... I kept telling Ryan to get her and that I was ok.  So I was getting myself up off the ground as he ran up to grab the stroller.  When he did, the stroller pulled back towards me but Maddie wasn't buckled (don't judge our parenting on that one - she would never get out without asking permission and we weren't walking fast enough that she could ever have gotten hurt - with this rare instance being a total exception!) and she went forward, falling out! 
Ryan quickly picked her up and she was bawling at this point, but kept saying "Mumma, is the baby ok?"
I kept telling her that the baby was fine and that I was fine (although I wasn't quite sure of either of those things at that point!)  I knew my elbows and knees were pretty hurt and I had gotten up so quickly I couldn't tell if I had actually fallen on my stomach or not.  I know I ended up flat on the ground, but I didn't know if my stomach had actually made impact or not.  It didn't hurt but I just didn't know.
Ryan carried Maddie the rest of the way home (which is no easy feat, she weighs about 40 lbs and we still had .75 miles left to go!) because she was so scared.    The entire way she kept asking if I was ok and if the baby was moving. 
(sidenote: I could not get over how concerned and in tune with the fact that the baby was the #1 concern she was.  This concern lasted all weekend - and even this morning it was the first thing she asked me when she woke me up!)
So, we got home and I immediately sat on the couch with my feet up, as this is the position in which the baby usually shows the most activity.
I felt very slight movements - but am used to huge kicks and was pretty much freaking myself out because the movements weren't huge.

Ryan was great (as always) and grabbed a bowl of soapy water and cleaned up my elbows, wrists, and knees which were pretty badly scraped up.  I had to act like it didn't hurt like a b*tch when he poured the hydrogen peroxide on them because Maddie was already so freaked out... So instead of crying, I laughed, and said it tickled.  IT DID NOT TICKLE (for the record).

Then after Ryan calmed Maddie down and got her to bed, I texted my sister just an FYI, saying, Hey, Just so you know, I fell tonight but am fine.  The baby is moving but I thought I'd let you know.

She immediately texted me back (I knew she was at a church thing - otherwise I'd have called her) and said, "Amanda, please call the doctor."

I think I subconsciously texted her because I knew that would be her response.  I didn't want to be an overreactive mother - but I also was a bit nervous.

Her next text was what got me on the phone with my doctor's office.  She said, "Amanda, I don't want to panic you, but please call the doctor.  I fell two days before Christian was born - I just need to know from the doctor that your baby is ok".

For those who don't know, when my sister was 6 months pregnant with her first child, she spontaneously went into labor and although they tried to stop it they were unable to stop the labor.  She had a baby boy, Christian who lived for 2 hours and then passed away in her arms.  His lungs just weren't enough to sustain him.  I wont go into the pain and suffering that she faced from this - but her text was certainly enough to get me to call.

I called and after a little mix-up with my phone number, I finally heard back from the on call doctor who stated that I was probably ok especially if my hands and knees were beat up and that I was feeling the baby move, but if I wanted to be reassured, he'd be happy to have me come in and go on a monitor.

I said to Ryan, "I just don't want to regret that I didn't go" to which he said, "ok, then you need to go".
We debated having our good friends (who live 5 minutes away) come to watch Maddie so Ryan could come with me - but I knew I could be a big girl and go by myself!  Plus, I knew how scared Maddie was already that if she ever woke up and we weren't there, she'd have freaked!

So, I drove to the ER at 11pm and got right into the maternity ward.  They hooked me up to a monitor and it took like 10 minutes to get the baby's heartbeat - which scared me but I could feel it moving, so I knew it must be there!!
They finally got the heartbeat on the monitor and they wanted 20 minutes on the reading so I just laid there for 20 minutes listening to my beautiful baby's heartbeat and laughing as it was moving all around!

Thank you God!!

Since we're at a new hospital (from when we had Maddie) I was very curious about the labor and delivery rooms and the nurse that worked with me was so nice - she gave me a little tour of the ward just before I left.
I'll admit, it got me very excited for when its time for this baby to make its appearance!!

So, alls well, but it was quite a scare!

My wounds are very sore (and very gross) but I'll take that if it means that my baby was well protected!

Sometimes you're the windshield...

Today, I'm the bug...

Well, that's a lie, tonight - I guess...

So, today I had an awesome day shopping with my mom.  First we picked out material for her to make Easter Dresses for the girl cousins and curtains for the baby's room.  We could have stayed in Jo-Ann Fabrics for hours... In fact, I don't know why we didn't shop around more... But, maybe that will give us an excuse to go again soon.

Then we went to the Vera Bradley outlet and I picked out my birthday gift!  I got the Metropolitan bag that I've been eying for quite some time!  I love it...

Next we had to hit carters and check out the baby clothes.  We bought Madison a "Big Sister" t-shirt, because she has a long sleeve shirt, but will need a t-shirt for when the baby comes in the spring!

After that we had lunch together and hit Kohls.  They don't have a Kohls near my mom, so she always likes to get there when she can... and really, who doesn't!

While we were out though, I got one of those dreaded emails from my boss.  You know, "we need to talk about this"... email.  Seriously, why do people do that through email?  And on your one day off where they know you're celebrating and enjoying the day.  So, I was in a panic all day...
The email stemmed from another email I was waiting to hear back on - so I kept checking my email on my phone to try an avoid any further issue with my boss.  Knowing/Hoping it was an easy fix, but still worrying.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't let it totally ruin my day - I just hate that I was preoccupied with work bs when I should have been completely work-free enjoying the day with my mom.

Later in the day - that issue was resolved, and what I had hoped would happen, did- so I was able to make the whole thing "not a situation".

Then at night, I happened to check email again (mainly because I hate walking into work with a huge inbox full of emails that I wont have time to get to) and I had another email basically asking if I did my job correctly?
seriously?
I'm not sure how it was intended to make me feel, but I can tell you, I was in tears.  Basically feeling like I had been punched in the stomach....

Of course I did what I was told to do - the issue was actually caused by someone else not doing THEIR job... and lucky for me, I had email proof of that - but still - my integrity was questioned and I felt quite hurt and distrusted.

There are most days when I love my work.  Today is one of those days where I do not feel valued and I wasn't even at work to receive this treatment... that's what sucks.

I'm not sure if my boss reads this blog, I'm pretty sure she doesn't - and I'm not saying anything bad about her - what I'm saying is how her actions made me feel.  And its hard to say face to face - "when you emailed me, you made me feel like crap.." So I don't know that I'll necessarily be able to address the issue... but it just was a pretty crappy thing to have happen ...   especially during and after such a great day with my mom.
I also am pretty sure that she's not intending to hurt me or cause me so much stress - but clearly it does...

I know that I should not read email at home or on my phone... for these exact reasons... but sometimes it does help to alleviate stress while at work... In this case, it completely added to stress that didn't need to be there...
And yes, I do know that I can be overly sensitive and take things way too personal.  That's part of my issue with people at work - I care too much what they think and want to please them.  I have to realize that I just can't please everyone all the time.

I also need to not let work get me so upset.
I have an amazing husband, a great daughter, a wonderful mother and father and just so many fantastic family members that all make my life complete.... why do I let work take over and stress me out?!?

A lot of times I wonder about another job and then I have to remind myself that it is probably this way everywhere - there are good days and bad days at work... My goal at my work is to help students, to make them feel comfortable... if I am doing that, I'm doing a good job - and if my efforts are in that direction, than I'm doing my job correctly.  I don't need anyone's approval or pat-on-the-back about it...

Thanks for letting me vent... I try not to do that on here, but sometimes I just need to get it out...

what's kicking?

More baby news... I'm really feeling the baby kick lately and sometimes it's a lovely feeling, while other times, I literally jump out of my seat because it is so uncomfortable.

Ryan and I laid in bed last night just laughing at how hard the kicks were - while he was laughing, I was cringing, but laughing too.  I do love it, I love the feeling and knowing that I'm growing a life inside of me, but man does it hurt sometimes!!!

When I was pregnant with Maddie, I remember at about 6 months, I got this terrible burning/cramp/tearing pain under my right breast.  I was so thankful a few weeks ago when I realized I didn't have that pain with this baby...
I spoke too soon.

It literally feels like something is ripping or burning inside.  And it comes and goes (thank God it isn't constant) but gets worse after I eat anything.

You'd think that would help me not eat as much, but that couldn't be further from the truth!!  Fact is, I can't stop eating!! I'm hungry all the time!!  My weight gain is ridiculous too, but I'm trying not to be too crazy over it.  There isn't much I can do other than try to make healthy choices when I do eat (ok, the ice cream sundaes from Friendly's are not healthy at all, but they're soo damn good!)

I'm pretty sure I've gained about 20 lbs so far.  I'd really like to keep it around 30 total, but I have three months left and at this rate, I don't know how that will be possible!!  As long as my baby is healthy, though, I'll do whatever it takes to get the weight off afterwards - I did it before, I can do it again!

Ryan got the nursery all painted and set to go while he was on break last week and it made me so excited and just "ready" to move forward.  I am 6.5 months and feel like I am ready!!  Which means the next three months are going to be tough!
We actually have a decent amount of clothing, so we're pretty set.  Maddie was such a big help preparing the nursery too.  She was wiping the changing table and monitor down with a clorox wipe because "it all needs to be nice and clean for the baby".

Last night when the baby was kicking at dinner, she jumped out of her seat and put her hand on my belly to feel it (of course, the baby stopped kicking then) but she's so cute!

I did take another picture last week, so when I get a chance at home, I'll post. 

Baby Belly...

I was told that I was not doing a good job of keeping people up to date with my belly pictures.  I will admit, I'm not doing a good job at all.  I only have two pictures!

By the time I remember to take them, I'm ready for bed and too lazy to grab the camera!

Here they are though -

This was taken at about 14 weeks

This was 20 weeks.  (don't mind the see through shirt!)

So there you have it.  I didn't notice that the shirt was see through until I went to post the pictures and thought, "what the heck, I can't go back and take another" (it was 2 weeks later).

I will try to be better at taking them and posting them.

My funny 4 year old

Sometimes Madison means to be funny... other times, she had no idea just how funny she is or even, why she's so funny...

While driving to school/work today; Red Solo Cup came on the radio.

"*Gasp* Mumma, we love this song!!"  she said with a huge smile on her face and she immediately started singing along.

"Mark says we shouldn't sing this song Mumma."

"Mark who?"

"Mark, my cousin, Mark.  Why shouldn't we sing this song?"

"Well, the song is a silly song about drinking - and a lot of people use Red Solo Cups when they play drinking games or drink a lot - I guess that is why he said not to sing the song. But you can sing it, just don't sing it at school, ok?"

"Yeah, I won't. Because I don't drink a lot at school anyways."