Merry Christmas

This is such a fun year for us. Maddie is just "getting" the Santa concept, but more importantly she's getting the "happy birthday Jesus" idea. I really wanted to make sure that we teach her the real reason for Christmas. It's hard though, with everyone who talks to her asking if Santa is going to come and bring her presents. Firstly, she's a pretty smart child (if I do say so) so really, when you ask her that, it freaks her out. Why would some stranger bring her gifts? She says no, by the way, when you ask her if Santa is going to bring her presents, then she follows it with, "Mommy and Daddy"... We still haven't decided whether she means that Santa will bring presents to Mommy and Daddy or whether Mommy and Daddy are going to bring her the presents...
Either way, it affirms that Santa kind of goes against what we try to teach our kids. "Don't talk to strangers" "Don't take candy from a stranger" "Don't let strange people touch you"... but wait, at Christmas, "Go up to Santa (a stranger), sit on his lap, take the candy he offers, and tell him what you want for Christmas..." Really? No wonder she's a little freaked out!

It was my father in law's birthday the other day and my mother in law asked Maddie who's birthday was next (completely expecting Maddie to say "mine" since hers in Jan.10) but Maddie proudly said, "Jesus's birthday is next!" YES!! It is!! lets not forget that!!! That she said that makes me think we're doing something right!!

Merry CHRISTmas!

Old Sermon

So, two years ago, I was very involved with our church that was going through a lot of turmoil and change. I was asked almost once a month to guest preach. I loved it!! I know right, public speaking and not being a minister but talking about the Gospel...

I miss it. A lot.

We go to a Methodist church in Bridgewater now, (well, by "we go" I mean, we've been there four or five times and like the service enough to keep going back).
But, I don't feel connected, yet. I would love to guest preach again, I feel like I could say a lot to the people that are there and I gain so much from sharing myself in that way.

So, I found a sermon that I wrote two years ago just before Christmas and I was thinking of a few of my friends who are pregnant now like I was then. Advent is a time of preparation for the church; preparation for the coming of the Christ Child and I was in a period of advent for my baby when I wrote this sermon... I do miss that time, being pregnant, being excited about my baby... giving sermons...

Here's that sermon if you're interested...


Good Morning. 2 More Days… Are you ready?

When I ask that question, are you ready? What do you think about before you answer? Do you think about the presents you have left to buy, wrap, send somewhere? Or the fact that you have company coming to your house and you haven’t vacuumed yet? The cooking you’ll need to do, the grocery shopping still to be done?

Well, that’s not what I’m asking. Its 2 days away from Christmas, are you ready for Christmas? Are you ready to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, that is, after all what Christmas is all about. It’s Christ’s birthday people! The whole point of giving presents and getting together is a huge birthday party.

When it’s someone’s birthday; their friends and family get together to celebrate them, celebrate them in their own lives. So, it’s Ryan’s birthday and my job as his loved one is to make him feel celebrated and loved. To think, “Where would my life be without him in it” and then package that all up somehow and give it to him. I’m to celebrate him in my life, to celebrate the fact that he was born.

Ok, so it’s Christ’s birthday. Where would my life be without Him in it? Now THAT is the question. Clearly I can’t answer that in a one hour service, that’s why we have a whole season of advent. Yes, advent is our preparation time for answering this question. During advent, we get the chance to prepare for this birthday party. Where would our lives be if Christ were not in it? That’s what advent means. Ok, well, according to the dictionary, advent means, “the coming of something highly anticipated; and the coming into place.” Looking at that, something highly anticipated, yes, we highly anticipate Christmas. But do we anticipate the right part of Christmas. Do we anticipate the celebration of Christ in our lives? That is what we’re supposed to spend advent doing. So advent is really a period of patience and reflection.

Katie asked me recently, how is advent different for me now that I’m pregnant. And, I’ll be honest, I hadn’t thought about it being any different until she asked me that question. But the fact is, it’s very different. After Katie asked me that question, I thought, well, in a way, I can relate to Mary. In a very obvious way; we’re both pregnant. But her story is very different. Her waiting time for her baby is very different than mine. Simply because of the circumstances. To help you understand what I mean, I’d like to talk about Mary and Joseph’s situation as if it were to take place today. I know, in the bible times things were different, but lets look at their situation and think about how they might be perceived today.
So here is this young couple, and when I say young, I’m pretty sure they were in their teens, at least Mary was. They’re engaged to be married and they didn’t call Mary the Virgin Mary for no reason; they were pure. Thinking they’re like any other couple, Mary goes about her business and one day an Archangle, Gabriel comes to her and says, “Mary, God really likes you, and he has chosen YOU to be the one to carry his son, the Christ child; so, you’re going to become pregnant with the Lord’s baby.” Ok, not in those words, but we’re thinking about this happening today, remember. When Mary questions Gabriel, which good for her for doubting this guy, it does sound a bit unbelievable! Gabriel says, “no really, God has taken favor on you.” Personally, I would have been like, “Oh, taken favor on me… right… this guy is a little nutty here.” And maybe she did think that, but then she really did become pregnant. So, Gabriel turns out to be the real deal and he’s not nutts. Now, Mary has to go to her fiance. And I’m thinking her conversation, in today’s world remember, went something like this, “Hey Joe-seph… ummm… ok, you can’t be mad… because I swear, I didn’t cheat on you and I wasn’t unfaithful… but… I’m pregnant. And you’re not going to believe this but it’s true… it’s God’s child.”
If you’re Joseph, what is your reaction?
Well, if you’re thinking, “Yeah right… even if that were true, the whole town is going to think my fiancé is a cheating you know what, I’m so not sticking around to deal with the fallout from this, I’m not going to look like a fool,” then you pretty much have the same reaction he did.
However, an Angel comes to Joseph in his dream and basically says to him, ‘Joseph, don’t leave Mary, what she’s saying is the truth. She’s going to need you by her side, so stick it out.”
And, Joseph does.
Talk about strong faith.

So, Mary’s situation then gets very complicated. A teenage woman, not married, claiming to be faithful to Joseph, is pregnant. If you have watched the news lately and seen the hype over Jamie Lyn Spears, a 16 yr. old actress being pregnant, you can imagine the hype the townspeople had over Mary, a “virgin” being pregnant.

Aside from all of the hype and the scrutiny she might have faced, I wonder how many of our thoughts are/were the same? She’s been told that her baby will be the Christ child. I’m sure she wondered what the heck that meant. I know, because I am a Christian, that my baby has a purpose on this earth, but I wonder all the time, what that purpose will be. I also wonder, diid Mary know the gender? I wonder that every day about our baby. Did people come up to Mary like they do to me and say, “oooh, you’re carrying all out front, it’s a boy.” Or, “if you feel like you don’t look as good as you always did, then it’s a girl; girls take their mother’s beauty while they’re pregnant” Did she want to say to them, “you don’t know that!! Only God knows what I’m having?” What I do know is that Mary had to do what Ryan and I have to do and put our trust in the Lord that whatever this baby looks like or however this baby is born, we have to trust that God will not give us more than we can handle. That this baby is going to be born the way God intends, and we will be blessed and ready for it.

Which for us, is probably even easier than for Mary, because we planned this. Ok, not quite as soon as it happened, but we planned this pregnancy, and we went about this the “correct” Christian way; so we didn’t have to face a lot of the stuff Mary had to face. Mary didn’t plan this; it was planned for her. I know how scared I am about the actual birth and then the changes my life will have once I have this baby, and I planned it all. I had even more time to think about it than she did.

How trusting and faithful Mary and Joseph were. Think about them the next time you ask God for guidance; it doesn’t always come in the form we think it will; but we’re asked to trust the Lord.

So back to Katie’s question of me, “How is advent different for me now that I’m pregnant? Well, not only is this the advent of Christmas for me, it’s the advent of my child’s birth. This advent has a dual purpose and meaning for me. This advent season has been spent nesting, cleaning like a madwoman, preparing for a new life in our house. Practicing patience, because I can’t really NOT be patient! But more than that, it’s been about trusting in God and having faith that this is the right plan for Ryan and me. Throughout the pregnancy there have been some complications and some unanswered questions… a big one was whether or not our baby would have the same birth defects that I had and what that might mean for us. With a great deal of prayer and faith that God would help us through that if it did happen; we found out that so far, there are no signs of cleft lip or palate for our baby. Thank God. We also found out that earlier complications are no longer complications or even issues to worry about. Faith rewarded, we believe. We continue to trust that the Lord will carry us through whatever comes our way.

This advent, I’ve prayed a lot, tried to be patient, and taken a lot of time to reflect. I don’t think I’ve even known to do that in other years. But, the truth is, that is what advent should be; a time of prayer, preparation, and reflection: about Christ, and Christ in your life. About the Savior that was given to the world, to you, and to us. Christ was born with a purpose, as we all are. His purpose was to save us, to save us from our sins, to absolve us so that we can be forgiven and spend eternity with the Lord. That is what we’re celebrating in two days. Our gift of eternity. The fact that without Christ in our lives, without these people here in this church that God has put into our lives to share in this advent; we would not be the people that we are.

I think that this advent is very important to us as individuals of All Saints’ Episcopal as well as one family. I’d like to think that this past 10 months has been All Saints’ Episcopal’s advent; the coming of something highly anticipated. We have prepared, prayed and taken steps to be ready for the birth and growth of a new congregation. We will continue to do this and continue to grow in numbers and faith, as long as we remain strong and remember that God has a plan for us and is in charge.
And, as we try to do on Christmas and throughout the Christmas season with our own families, lets keep our church family close; celebrate and cherish that family; because God gave each and every one of us to each other; just as he gave Joseph to Mary to support her and stand by her through everything.

And please, I challenge you; don’t lose sight of the true meaning. The celebration of Christ’s life. Thinking about how important Christ is in your life and just how much it means that this baby was born; a Savior for us.

2 more days. Are you ready?


Amen

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was held at our apartment this year. And that means that I hosted instead of taking pictures... Oh, I am such a horrible photographer. I really wish it was something I remembered to do, but I really don't.
If I had taken pictures, you'd see them like this.

My parents came on Wednesday night and parked their motorhome in the back of our building. So, you'd see us watching TV together Wednesday night. Then you'd see my mom making Chicken Parm (she knows it's my favorite meal!!) and Ryan went to the Celtics game, so he missed out on the deliciousness that was dinner!

Then there would be pictures of my dad blowing these enormous bubbles in the tub for Maddie and she loved every minute of it!!

When dad went to bed, Mom and I began the food prep for the next day. We peeled potatoes and squash (and a turnip) for what seemed like hours. Mom and I don't get a lot of alone time, so I eat it up when we do. This time was great because not only did she pass on her incredible cooking knowledge (and teach me how to cook a turkey) but we chatted about everything. Mom is in her glory in the kitchen... I always thought she should have a cooking show, she'd be so great at it!!

Once we finished getting all of the veggies prepped for the morning and put the turkey in the oven, we sat and chatted for a bit and I made her sit through the next Brothers and Sisters episode (I'm still on season 2, but I can't get enough of this family!!)

Thursday morning was spent watching the parade (or Hurade as Maddie called it) and then Becky and the kids arrived. Mom and I were mashing and getting appetizers ready as the in-laws arrived and shortly after, Scott, Holly and Hayden showed up. That's right, we had 14 people in our tiny apartment and I couldn't have been happier.

There were many "that's what she said" comments and I think Holly realized she was marrying into a nutty family, but she loved it!! She also loved the wine (something we have in common!) The next picture you'd see is of the boys (Mark, Matthew and Hayden) all playing outside. They were sliding down the clock tower ramp on their bellies and somehow their pants got soaked!! So when they came in, I made them all hang out in my bedroom, I took their jeans off and threw them into the dryer. Well, this, I thought would be embarrassing, but no! The boys loved jumping on my bed in their underwear, in fact, they were pretending to be models and singing, "We're hotties, we're hotties!!" So funny!! They're 10 and 6!

We had the kids eat at Maddie's princess table (the boys were oh so thrilled about this) and the adults at the adult table!!

I wanted so badly to start the tradition of going around the table and saying what you're thankful for, but I didn't. Why? Well, I don't know, I know its a corny thing to do and didn't want to force people to say something... plus I know that this time of year is hard on Becky (Friday would be her 10 year anniversary) so I didn't want her to think she was being put on the spot or anything like that... but really, I think I'm going to start it next year.

Thanksgiving afternoon, after all the dishes were done and the house was a little quieter, Becky, Mom and I played Scrabble while the kids played all over the house. (I won, but really, who's keeping score!)

Thanksgiving night Dad went to bed early and Ryan, Mom and I watched Elf. Well, mom left around 10:30 and Ryan and I fell asleep on the couch!

Friday morning we hung around the house, Mom and Dad went to lunch with friends and Ryan and I did some shopping. The stores were not bad at all, especially for Black Friday!!

The best part of the weekend though, was Sunday morning. Saturday night after Maddie went to bed, Ryan and I put up the Christmas Tree and all of the decorations. So, Sunday morning, Maddie came out into the living room and saw the tree!! The look on her face was incredible!!!
We decided that will be our tradition. We wont tell her when we're putting it up, but just one morning each year, she'll wake up and the house will be decorated!! This morning, she went out to the living room and said, "Chu chu Tree, I missed you!!" We're working on "Christmas!" I just love that she's at the age where she's so enamored with these things!! So fun.... Our tree, however, I do have a picture of...

Thankful

That I am...

For my family. So many people have members of their family (immediate) that they don't talk to. I don't have that and never will. When we have issues, we talk about them. It might take a few days but we talk about the issues.

For my dad's health. He went to the doctor to get his biopsy results yesterday, which I really wish were clear, but they weren't. HOWEVER, the cancer did not spread; THANK GOD. For that, I am thankful. I wish I could say that he is done with treatment and that horrible process was over; but I can't. He has to have intense rounds of treatment starting Dec. 13th and I am sure he is dreading that; but he is so strong. His strength and ability to see the silver lining in all of this is so inspirational. And I am just happy that it is not worse than it is.

I am thankful for my job. I am even more thankful that I love my job. I love my students, I love the opportunities that I am given in this job and I love who I am when I'm at work.

I am thankful for my friends. I have a great deal of acquaintances and some incredible best friends. I love the support and relationships I have with these friends.

I am so thankful that I have grown to love being a mom. It was rough there for a while, but I do love being Maddie's mom. Its the hardest job I've ever had but I do love it. I have such a great example in my mom. She's got this insane sense of patience that I just don't know where it comes from!! She can listen to me complain and ramble and instead of telling me to stop or getting frustrated, she'll listen, validate where necessary and help when I need it. She's never been one to tell me what to do or be pushy when offering guidance and I appreciate that so much. I need to try to remember that when dealing with Maddie. It's going to be so tough to not just want to make her decisions for her; but mom never did that to me, so I need to learn from her.

This Thanksgiving, I am one very blessed girl. I have tons to be thankful for and very little complaints.

15 years later... and still in love

It is one thing to love someone for 15 years, its another to be IN love with them. I am so blessed to say that 15 years later, I am still IN love with Ryan.

He still makes me laugh, he still gives me chills, he still is the greatest guy I've ever met.

And today was no different.

Flowers.

Delivered to my office...

He's incredible...

Just to remind me to cheer up!!!

I love him... and am IN love with him.... and very blessed....

Confidence Booster

So the time change didn't kick in until today! We set the clocks back on Saturday night, figured Maddie would be up at the crack of dawn on Sunday, but nope; she slept until 8:30am! Yesterday, she slept until a little after 7:30am which wasn't bad... but today, up a little before 7am! Uggh!
This always messes with my morning routine when she's up early.
You see, I get up at 5:45am with Ryan and go for my run. I usually get out the door by 6, so I run and come back by 6:30am. Then I am able to cool down and lay down (not always fall back asleep but at least rest) until my alarm goes off at 7:45am.
I can get in the shower and get my clothes ironed by the time Maddie is talking in her crib. (She is usually just waking up when I get in the shower, but like me, she takes a good 15 minutes to actually wake up enough to function!)
Then I am able to get her eating breakfast while I do my hair and get dressed.

When she's up early, this all changes!

So this morning, we laid on the couch together for about 20 minutes and watched Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Then I told her I needed to shower. She decided she would come in the bathroom and sit on the stool outside the tub while I showered.
Good deal, I could make sure she wasn't getting into anything she shouldn't and she could still sit and talk my ear off!

So, she was taking her tubby toys and dropping them into the tub, I'd put them back on the side of the tub, and the cycle continued...

Well, she got bored with this, so she held open the curtain and looked in as I was washing my face and said, "Mumma, you washin'?" "Yep, Maddie, Mumma's in the shower, getting clean." Then she looked me up and down from head to toe (which is usually followed by something about boobies or belly button or something silly), but instead she said, "Mumma, you're beautiful"....

Seriously! Is there a better compliment?
I think not!

A lot has happened since my last post. Firstly, Amber came home from WA for her Baby shower.

I was almost "That Girl" though. That girl that brings her kid, even though no other kids were there. I am so glad I had some random gut feeling about it the night before, because it could have been really uncomfortable. See, two months ago, I had emailed her sister asking how I could help and if she needed anything. In her response, she stated, "Ooh, and bring Maddie, I know Amber wants to meet her" when talking about the shower.

So, all along, I had been planning to bring Maddie. I got her a cute dress, had my sister plan to bring Elizabeth so they'd be able to see each other, and cut her hair the night before so she wouldn't look like a rag-a-muffin when meeting her mother's childhood best friend! But, when I went to write down Deanna's address, I grabbed the invite and it hit me. Maddie's name wasn't on the invite. And then (forgetting about the previously mentioned email) I couldn't figure out why I had simply assumed Maddie was invited... So I texted Amber and asked what other kids were going to be there. Amber texted back that Deanna didn't think any other kids were going to be there. Uh oh!
Having Ryan change his afternoon plans to be with Maddie wasn't a huge deal, but I know Becky had made arrangements for just Elizabeth to come tomorrow and getting someone to watch her might be tough.
A few more texts were sent back and forth between me and Amber, and I could tell that the atmosphere was not going to be a children friendly one, and Amber confirmed this... so I tried to call Becky but couldn't reach her and called my mom to fill her in. After a little scrambling, we figured that we had promised Elizabeth and Maddie that they'd get to see each other and we didn't want to break that promise. So, Ryan was (a little reluctant at first) a good guy and drove me to Westport, picked up Elizabeth from Becky and took the girls for the afternoon. Crisis averted!

It's funny, kids at a shower or social gathering like that do one of two things. They can alleviate some of the pressure from the nervous individual in the spotlight, or they can cause a distraction and take the attention away from the person in the spotlight. In the small crowd that was at her shower, I really think it was best that the girls weren't there.
And I am SOOOO glad that I got that funny feeling and texted Amber, because I would have felt like such a jerk! Her best friend has a baby, her sister in law has a little one almost Maddie's age, and really, if they weren't bringing their kids, it would have just been so awkward! And... thank God Amber felt comfortable enough being honest with me, that couldn't have been easy!! Even after all that though, I didn't want her thinking that I was rude by just assuming Maddie could come, so I emailed her and just showed her the email from Deanna, not to start conflict or anything, but more to clear my conscious and let her know where the whole thing came from... not me being completely unaware of shower etiquette!

Either way... it was so nice to see her and her family. And it's funny, because I've always had this awkward relationship with her sister Deanna. There was a time where we were VERY close... then there was some animosity between us for a few different reasons. I don't know how she feels about it all now, but I just feel that we're so much further past those things that caused us to not be friends, and we've both seen what really matters in life that we could call each other friends. I hope it's that way for her too, but you never know. I just know it was nice to be there.

And, yes, I drank a little too much... it happens. I hope I didn't make an idiot of myself, sometimes that happens! They invited me back the next day, so it couldn't have been that bad!

So, Amber (and Deanna) did get to meet Maddie. She and I went over to Deanna's on Sunday. Ryan had changed plans to help a friend pack so he didn't join (and actually didn't end up doing that, but did end up getting his lessons for the week done, so he needed to be home anyways.)
It was very relaxed, and we just chatted for an hour or so, Maddie was a little clingy, but she did pretty well. I was glad they got to meet her. Its funny, I feel like she's my great accomplishment, so I like to introduce her to people... When really, she's pretty much like any other 21 month old, but to me, she's amazing!

So that was Amber's visit. I was very glad I got to see her both times.

As for the rest of life... well, I haven't wanted to blog about it because it's tough to take... but my sister is separating from her husband. It has been her decision and she's being so strong with all of this. Its still tough, ten years of marriage is not easy to end, regardless of who initiates it or what the reasons. Basically she now knows that she deserves to be treated better and she wants more for her daughter than a marriage where no love is physically shown. He moved out on Sunday and I went there on Monday to help her sort out bills and help get her on a budget.
Its tough because I love her so much and I don't want her to make decisions based on the raw emotions shes going through right now. Often I feel myself being too parental with her, but I can't help it. There are a lot of details to it all, but it's putting a huge stress on our friendship and I'm in tears a lot over it, which is not great for my marriage or my family.
I feel like I know whats good for her, what steps she needs to take to get in a good place, and she feels like she needs to make those decisions on her own (some of which I don't agree with)... But as Ryan said last night, "you can't love her into making the right decisions... you just have to love her through it all and help when she needs it."
So I'm trying...

And praying...

friendships...

So, last night I found out that a once "best friend" of mine got married on Sunday. Aside from being happy for her, which I am... I know this guy is an amazing guy and she's deliriously happy with him... I was hurt. Hurt that I didn't even know she got married, didn't even know she was engaged! Clearly the wedding must have been quickly planned, because I talked with her a year ago (a little over a year actually) and she told me all about him, but they weren't engaged yet.
We stopped calling each other just because of our schedules, I started taking on more at work, and just got really busy and she was in school getting her masters. Then I would text her and hear nothing.

I figured out last night that she changed her cell phone number, because I texted her to say Happy Birthday and received a message back saying the message couldn't be delivered.

I know etiquette says that if someone invites you to their wedding, you should invite them to yours... what is the etiquette on being in the wedding. She was one of my bridesmaids... shouldn't I have at least known she was getting married.

Those are my first thoughts... Then I go through the "stop being selfish - you know how expensive weddings are, you hadn't talked to her for a year and it was 5 years ago that she was in your wedding... a lot changes."
I also pretty much reminded myself that she was in my wedding, because I had promised her she would be (even before we were engaged!) I realize now that if I were to do it all over, Amber would have been in my wedding. She always should have been... I didn't keep my promise to Dawn (another friend who I had promised would be in my wedding years before it happened) so why did I feel the need to keep it with Julie. I guess, I thought it was different. Amber and I had a lot of ups and downs in college and a little after, but I should have known that our friendship was built on the love of God so it would have lasted. I hate having that regret; about the wedding. I think Amber knows, though, now, that I would have done things differently.

Anyways, I can't dwell on what I can't help. And really, I don't know why I got so bent out of shape. I guess it goes with my need to know things!! I hate being the last to find something out!! But really, who cares that I didn't know... what matters is that she's happy, married, and had a great day for her wedding day!! I'm so happy for her.

This also made me realize that I need to make a better effort with my friends. I need to let those that matter really feel like they matter. Visit with them, email them, call them (although I just hate talking on the phone, so that will be hard!)

Pumpkins in PA

Despite Ryan's back being out and Kate's nauseousness from the pregnancy, we were determined to spend the weekend in PA with Kate and Brett! We left Saturday morning (we attempted to leave at 8am, but somehow packing the car took much longer than expected!)
We left at 9 and got there at 3pm! The ride wasn't bad at all actually.
Kate is by far the best cook I've ever met (ok, besides my mom!) Kate cooks things I would never attempt. Saturday night, her nauseousness was gone, so she was excited to cook (at least she told us that!) And she made stuffed tomatoes for an appetizer and then made pasta with cauliflower as the main dish! Now, I would never have known that I actually DO like cauliflower, but that meal was unbelievable!! And, Maddie had THREE helpings!!! She loved it!!!

I learn so much about cooking when I'm at Kate's. I already made the stuffed tomatoes last night and they were sooo good!

Sunday night she made a stew and butternut squash soup. oh soo good!! The soup seriously tasted like "fall in a cup!"

I bought cauliflower and butternut squash when I went grocery shopping this week and seriously can not wait to cook both meals!!

But more about our time together. Ok, we have a few "couple friends" and Tricia and Mike are our closest... we can be with them and there is no awkward silence, we can do embarrassing things in the same room and just laugh with each other. I think that is because we've known each other for almost 15 years and well, we've traveled together and spent tons of time together... But, we have the same relationship with Kate and Brett, I found, this weekend!

Saturday night we were all just hanging out watching sports or whatever was on, and there was no awkwardness... we weren't searching for stuff to talk about or anything like that. They are so warm, as a couple. I just love them. We have such fun conversations too. And Ryan and Brett are so similar its scary!!

Sunday night Kate had to work, but it was similar; watching football just shooting the breeze. We talked with Brett about the baby and how he felt about it; reassuring him that God would provide all they needed and not to worry too much about being able to afford it. It was so great!

On Sunday we went to this farm and picked out a pumpkin, went on a hayride, bought some apples and freshly made donuts and Maddie loved EVERY minute of it!

I hope they do know how much we appreciated them spending their weekend with us!! It was so great to be away and not have any distractions (no cell service = no blackberry, no work, no facebook, no nothing! and believe it or not, i loved it!)


Here are the pictures....

Back to the River

that's right... This weekend, we're headed back to the Delaware River! Our good friends (I was their RD and they were RAs at RIC - their families were the only two good things I took from working at RIC, really!) live right on the river in Pennsylvania. Its a six hour drive from here, so we're hoping Maddie is as great this time as she was last time. We have the DVD player and a few DVDs for her to watch all set and we'll pack a bunch of books for the trip.

I'm so excited to see Kate and Brett (and hopefully Kate's sister Melissa and Eric - although that hasn't been confirmed!) They just are the most wonderful people, always so positive, such strong Christians, but not "holy rollers" about it! They have a way of showing God's love to you, just by their presence! I just love them! We have so much fun together and I can't wait to be around their positivity!! The girls (Kate and Melissa) have such an appreciation and love for life that it makes you want to see everything they see, experience the experiences they have, and know the fun they know! Kate is a great photographer, she captures moments that you don't even realize are wonderful moments until you see the picture! And she's always taking pictures!! I love it! (Especially because I forget to take the pictures all the time!)
And, the best news of all is that they just found out that they're pregnant!! SO exciting. The amazing life that little baby is about to enter into is simply awesome!! That child will have such loving and incredible parents, and then the grandparents and aunts/uncles will complete the perfect Christian life for this little being! I love knowing that they will get to experience the whole pregnancy/delivery/birth/growth of a child. Its so exciting and was one of the greatest experiences I've ever had with Ryan and just knowing that they get to experience that together too, is so great!

So, there should be many pictures to follow in the next posting.

Speaking of babies... I'm sure I have posted that my best friend Amber is pregnant... well, did I also mention that most of my closest friends along this journey of life have either just had their baby or are pregnant too? It's true. Amber has been my best friend from age 7 until now. In between there, I've had best friends along the way as well... from 1st grade to 8th grade, Tatum was my bestie. She's now pregnant. From 9th grade until college, Stephanie was my bestie. She's pregnant too. From college and still, Tricia has been my bestie, she just had Grayson on September 14th. Its no wonder I keep dreaming that I am pregnant!!

I'm so excited though, because I haven't seen Amber in at least three years and she's coming home in two weeks for a baby shower! She doesn't even know Maddie yet, and that is so weird to me. She's seen all the pictures, Maddie has seen pictures of her, but I'm bringing her to the shower so she can finally meet her!! So exciting. Its a busy yet fun month, October!!

Better than Expected!

It was so much fun... but not long enough.

My play-date with Tatum and Matthew. Maddie was GREAT!!! She loved it... just loved the museum and she was polite and didn't throw ANY tantrums!!

I was pretty nervous driving there. Wondering if too much time had passed and that we would have nothing to talk about once we saw each other. She was worried about the same thing. But that was not the case at all.

At one point, she said, "where do we even begin... so how was 9th grade?!?!" which is just so funny, we literally had from 9th grade on to catch up on. This was my BEST FRIEND for 8 years. The one that I spent every weekend with, we had sleepovers at least once every weekend and spent three weeks with each others family in the summer. Any vacation we went on, we went together. And then the last day of 8th grade that all changed.

Come to find out, our lives are pretty parallel right now. Her husband is a huge Boston sports fan. Matthew is so cute and so well behaved.

There was no awkward silence and we even planned a date for us to meet each others husbands...

I think it hit me on the way home that I had just actually had lunch with her. I mean, for years I wondered what she was doing, if she loved college, what she did for work, if she drank or not, and if she wondered the same stuff about me...

My only regret was that I did not take pictures. I stated at one point that I can't be a cautious mom and take pictures at the same time.. I just can't. Anytime I try, Maddie falls and smashes her face on something in the process!! So I didn't even bother! We'll take some next time!!

Reunited

So, after not seeing each other for fifteen years, my old best friend (from K-8th grade) and I are seeing each other tomorrow for a play date with our kids! We reconnected via Facebook a few months ago (and a few years ago through email, but lost touch again after we both got married).

Tatum and I were inseparable for 8 years. Then she went to the private high school in our town while I went to the public. We had every intention of keeping in touch, we hung out for two years while going to different schools, but only once every few months... Then after Sophomore year in high school I think it just got too busy and her parents moved across town... So, I think age 15 was the last time we saw each other.

There are funny things that we still have in common though. We both chopped our hair after having kids. We both had our first baby around the same time (just three months apart). Our baby's although one is a girl and one is a boy are both nicknamed Maddie (her's is Matty)... and they both call our dads "bumpa"...
I'm sure there is more, but we'll find out after tomorrow.

We originally were going to meet up at an outdoor craft/art fair tomorrow, but now due to the rain, we're going to go to the Providence Children's Museum and then lunch.

I'd be lying if I said I was nervous. I certainly am. I'm worried Maddie will break down and be miserable... I'm nervous we wont have anything to talk about... I'm nervous she's in a much better place in life than I am and that will show (she has the house and is expecting baby #2...)

But I'm also excited. I'm excited to try to catch up on the past 15 years, to hear about her family, her husband, her parents that I once was so close to.

I'll be sure to write about it on Monday...

Pregnancy and Parenting Advice

Everyone gives it to you, wanted or unwanted. When you're pregnant, everyone who has ever been pregnant tells you how it was when they were pregnant, what you should and shouldn't do, and how to live your life.
When you're a new parent, everyone who has had children tells you what they did and how they did it...

Most of the time, this all comes at you when you never even asked in the first place.

So, for those of you who didn't ask, I am not going to shoot my advice your way... I will leave it here and you can read it if you would like to.

My pregnancy advice:

On the topic of drinks: I gave it up if they said I should. And Maddie had all of her pieces when she came out! I didn't smoke, never have, wouldn't have if I had. I gave up caffeine, which was tough! I went from two or three cups a day to nothing! Not even decaf unless I was really craving it!
Artificial sweeteners, I didn't touch them! No diet soda, no sparkling flavored water, nothing! I didn't drink soda because I was already gaining a ton of weight, I didn't want the extra sugar or calories. Alcohol, I forgot what it even looked like! Occasionally I would kiss Ryan just after he'd taken a sip of beer or put my lips to the bottle just to get that taste! I'm not an alcoholic by any means, but I do love my beer and wine!
I drank water. Or seltza water. Or milk.
Don't get me wrong, they say you can have one or two of all of those drinks a day and your baby would be fine. But really... if there is a chance it could harm the baby, why would I even chance it?

On the topic of stretch marks: I used cocoa butter pretty much daily. And it worked. Until the last three weeks. I had NO stretchmarks until my body just couldn't accommodate the growing anymore! And then they came. On my thighs, stomach, back and breasts. No amount of cocoa butter helped. BUT... for those that are fearful of these stretch marks... don't worry too much, I'm just about back to my normal size, and they're barely noticeable at all.

On the topic of exercise: I was at the gym on the treadmill at 7pm the night I went into labor. (My labor started at 1:45am that night) I was always active, and with the exception of months 4-6 of my pregnancy, I wasn't going to change that. And didn't. I just modified what I did and kept my OB aware of what I was doing.

On the topic of sex: Well, as much as I would have liked to while I was pregnant, I couldn't from month 5 on. I had Placenta Previa (a condition where your placenta is much lower than it should be, and sex could cause it to break or damage it - so it's out of the question)... So my thought is, if the doctor says it is safe and you feel up to it... go for it!

On the topic of weight gain: I hated it. I hated the way my body was growing and I couldn't control it. But I worried way too much over it. I was so afraid that my body wouldn't go back to the way it was. I just figured, there is no way I can be getting this big and go back to my old self. And part of that was true, I wont lie. My hips expanded and have never gone back, but really, the rest of me has pretty much gone back to its old self. So, don't sweat the weight gain. Just make sure you're healthy while you're gaining, and you wont have issues losing. I enjoyed eating when I was pregnant, I used it as my excuse to eat the foods I don't allow myself to indulge in now... so i gained 55 pounds. I have since lost it.

As far as when the baby arrives. Everyone will tell you that you can't expect what you'll feel and you have no idea what's coming. They're right.

I have never felt so stupid or as if I knew absolutely nothing, as I did when I first became a mother. If you're planning on nursing the baby... get ready to be as patient as you possibly can. I was not ready for how mentally exhausting that whole process could be. You have no way of knowing if they are getting enough (or anything at all) and no way of knowing if you're doing it right. You're attached to your child for the time that you are nursing, both literally and figuratively. I couldn't leave the house for the first three months of her life, because every time I went to leave, I'd have to come back because, "she's crying so much, I think she's hungry"... UGHHH!!! I honestly didn't spend more than 5 minutes (and that was usually just in the shower) away from my baby until she was about three months old. I tried, don't get me wrong. I remember one time, I was going to go down the street to CVS just to get out of the house. It was a huge occurrence, I had not gone out alone in two months... I got to my car, started it, and the cell phone rang. "Hunny, I'm so sorry, but she wont stop crying, I think she's hungry"... She had just eaten right before I left. She had colic, which we didn't know until about 6 months into it, so we were constantly trying to figure out what was wrong with her! I never did get to CVS.

We were told by our lactation consultant not to use binkies or bottles until she was at least three months old. At 10 weeks, my breasts were bleeding and red raw because she was using them as a passifier. It was the only way she'd stop crying. So finally, after many shed tears and feeling like a terrible mother, we gave her a binky. Part of her colic was crying from midnight to 8am some nights... which led to me crying from about 2am to 8am... part from exhaustion, part from feeling like a failure.

Which leads me to my next segment:
On a pediatrician: If you don't love them, leave them. And don't wait until the baby is 12 months old like we did. Maddie had colic and our pediatrician made us feel like we were just complaining about not getting sleep. He was not good. We didn't know any better though. There are too many pediatricians who are great to suffer through one who isn't.

There are also tips that I have, these tips I learned from experience and many times from screwing something up and learning how to make things easier on myself.

The first... if you formula feed (which we eventually did both; nursed every other feeding and formula fed the others) invest in a good thermos and ALWAYS have piping hot water in it as well as a regular bottle of water. Always pack a few bottles with formula wherever you are going, even if it is a 5 minute trip to dunkin' donuts. You never know when you'll need it!! We had this thermos and it would keep water hot for about 20 hours. Then we invested in this. You can pre-portion out your formula before you leave the house. We just always made sure it was full and then we were set for any outing. Its fabulous!!!

The second... I don't know why it took me forever to figure this out, but swings and seats are movable for a reason!!! I used to try to wait until Maddie was napping to shower... and that wasn't often, especially when she was colicky... But then I realized I could pull the swing into the bathroom and it actually calmed her, having her hear the shower noise and even when she was screaming, she was going to scream whether I was in the shower or not, so I might as well combine it with my shower time!
Then, my sister bought us this seat... it vibrated and played soothing sounds at the same time... Maddie loved it... We'd put that in the bathroom while showering too, and almost every time, she'd fall asleep!

The third... teething... it sucks!! There's no two ways about it... There are these little mesh things you can buy and put ice cubes in them for the baby to chew on. SO GREAT!!
I didn't know you weren't supposed to freeze teething rings either, just put them in the fridge and they do the same thing...

I'm going to keep adding to this list as I think of things... so if you're interested and think this has helped at all, come back to it and you might learn more.

Also I changed my settings so everyone can comment on here... I had a reader let me know that they couldn't comment... and here I was thinking I only had one reader!!

I love my daughter....

So I just re-read my first post ever... I forgot how tough the first few months were for me...

Its a lot easier and I'm much more comfortable with Maddie now. She's still a handful, don't get me wrong. Still tries to throw tantrums when she doesn't get her way and can be really fresh sometimes, but I think I'm better at handling her; which makes things so much better for us.

She's very cute though and she says some of the funniest things! I was standing up on a chair this morning trying to open the window and she calls out (with her hand pressed up against her lips as to make herself sound louder) "Careful Mommy"...

You just have to laugh at that! Well, I do anyways...

And she's learning things at a ridiculous rate! She's a little confused about her gender identity though! She'll walk right into the bathroom when Ryan's going, and so obviously, she looks up and wonders what in the world it is that she sees, so we're using the correct terms for anatomy.
We've told her many times that Daddy has a penis and she has a vagina. But she still gets confused.
In the tub, she'll look down, touch herself, and knowingly look up and say, "oh yeah, Penis".
No no no Maddie, only boys have a penis. You have a vagina. "oh right, gina"...

Then if I take her into a public bathroom when we're out to dinner or something, she comes in the stall with me (obviously) and she'll point to mine and say, "penis... no no no, momma, gina." The poor women in the stalls next to us are probably wondering what this hermaphrodite is doing in the bathroom with them!

Its funny, this learning thing. There are some things she hears once and will remember it weeks down the road.
For instance. Her birthday was the first time she had heard anyone sing "happy birthday". Then I don't think we sang it around her again until June, Elizabeth's 4th birthday. Then not again until this month, it was my mom's birthday. On the way down to visit my mom, I said, "Maddie, we'll have to say "Happy Birthday" to Mimi and sing to her" and I sang the song.

Well, that was what, three times she's ever heard that song.
Yesterday, it was our friend Bill's birthday. I asked Ryan if he had talked to Bill and reminded him that it was his birthday and from across the room, Maddie starts to sing (not exactly in the right tone but still), "happy birthday to you..."

Ryan and I looked at each other in amazement! It's just so fun, her learning!

Ok, I think I've bragged about my child enough for one day.

Will we ever be satisfied?

I often wonder... when will I feel like I have it all and couldn't ever ask for any more?
I mean, in life, right now, I have it great!

I have the best family anyone could ever even dream up. My parents are so supportive, are not overbearing, and are happily married after 30something years... My sister is the most amazing woman I know with a family that I just adore. My husband is the most incredible man I've ever met and many days I wonder how in the world I got so blessed and lucky to have him. I'm a mom to a healthy and adorable little girl. I love my life.

When I was dating Ryan, all I wanted was to be married. I thought, oh, to be married... I just know I'd be completely satisfied with my life if I were married.

Then I got married and was so happy. But thought, oh, when I have a child, I know I'll feel completely satisfied.

Now that I have a child, I am waiting on a point in my life where we can buy a house. I can just feel like I'll be completely satisfied then...

But what happens after that? Another child? A bigger house? A garage (if the first one doesn't have one?!)

Lord, help me to be satisfied with the blessings you have given me, and not always crave more.



So funny story:
Ryan and I say grace before dinner. We usually hold a hand of each other, and I put my hand out towards Maddie's high chair or booster, whichever she has decided she wants to sit in that night, but she doesn't hold my hand. At first, when we started holding hands and saying grace, about six months ago, she would pull her hand away, so I just never pushed it.

The other night we went out to dinner, and I'll be honest, we forget when we're out to dinner to say grace. But right after our drinks were served, Maddie grabbed Ryan and and my hand then looked up and said, "Amen".

The two of us nearly fell off the booth seats!!! How cute is that!
So, now, she holds her hand out to say grace when we sit down!! So funny!!

how'dya like them apples

We took Maddie apple picking yesterday. So much fun. I love the fall activities now that we have her and she's old enough to love them. She did love it too. She couldn't understand why all the apples were on the ground though.

Summer is over....

I love summer.

It is and always has been my favorite season. Besides the great weather and the fact that I'm always cold, so 85 degrees is perfect for me, I love the family time that happens in the summer.

Growing up, summer was spent as close to heaven as I think I'll ever get. Camp Dennen. The summer started with Becky and I heading down with Dad on the last day of school (in the afternoon or the next morning) while mom stayed home for a few days and thoroughly cleaned the house. (What I wouldn't give to have two or three days alone in my house to completely clean and purge a ton of stuff in the house! Smart mom we have!)

We were at camp 24/7 for the next three months, which sometimes felt like years and other times felt like a few short weeks! The 4th of July was a serious holiday there! Field games, water games, cookouts, and fireworks for which we planned and prepared for weeks! Amber and I would practice the three legged race for weeks before we actually had to compete!! the outside leg was "1" and the inside leg was "2"... together we'd sing as we ran, "1,2,1,2,1,2" ....

It was at Camp where I learned that "only boring people get bored" and discovered new things to do on a daily basis.

It was at camp where I learned that you could make a fort in the woods and play house for hours! And that blueberries are so good right off the bushes.

It was at Camp where I learned that if you sang, "Wind, Wind blow on me" God would make the wind pick up and your sailboat ride would be so much better!

It was at Camp where I found my best friend. And later met my husband. My first boat ride, swimming lessons, sunburn, and so many more firsts happened at Camp.

My favorite job was as a lifeguard at Camp. I think I did that for three years and loved every day of it!

I hate that the diocese made the selfish decision to close and sell that campground. As much as there were times I cursed how much my parents gave up for that place, I miss it so much. That Camp took a lot from us; yet gave us so much. My parents put their blood, sweat and many tears into that place... and the diocese did what with it? Sold it... for what? We still haven't figured that out yet.

Anyways, summer still gives me a great feeling. This summer was fantastic. We spent a ton of time with my parents (about three weekends straight!) and went to Tennessee and spent a week and a half with our best friends. We had cookouts, playground dates, camping trips, and many beach days. I hope I can enjoy every summer as much as I did this summer.

been a long time

Recently, I got annoyed that a friend hadn't updated their blog, and then I realized I hadn't either!!

It's been probably three weeks and work has been very busy, so I didn't have time to update! Plus, once you've gone a few days, then weeks, without updating, its a daunting task!

Anyways, we went to New Hampshire camping with our extended family like we do every year. i was very excited for it because my sister and her family were going to be camping with us this year (usually they stay in a hotel, but they decided to rough it with us!)
We camped right next to my parents and on the other side was Becky's family. Maddie was so great the whole weekend and we had such a fun time.

We went to the beach two days and she LOVED the ocean (as we knew she would!)

Then, the best news of all happened on Friday. Let me tell you how it happened:

Thursday night Ryan received an email on his phone from the MTEL people. All he could see in the subject line was "Your MTEL results" so he looked at his phone and then immediately was nauseous and put his phone back in his pocket! That was at about 10pm.
We went to bed at 11 and as we were about to fall asleep, he said, "I have a dilemma"... knowing nothing of the email, I asked, "what??" So he explained that he received this email and was so nervous he couldn't read it! I made him give me his phone and I read it... All it said was, "Your MTEL results will be available tomorrow after 5pm"
UGHHH!

All that panic over that?!?!

So then the next day, we were going to go into Portsmouth to go to lunch with my parents and knowing from previous times, Ryan knew he'd get his results via email around 1pm (even though he freaked last night, he knew that they usually send them out around 1pm every time on the date they say they'll be available.)
So, before we went to lunch, he said, "I can't find my phone" it was somewhere lost in the tent. So I told him to just leave it there and we'd look for it when we got back. That way he wouldn't be checking it the whole time at lunch!

He did and we had a great lunch.

after lunch, we came home and I put Maddie down for a nap and laid down myself. Ryan found his phone right next to the air mattress and laid down next to me. We looked at each other, both of us feeling sick to our stomach's! I kept saying, checking it now isn't going to change the results, lets just check it. And Ryan laid there holding the phone... and holding the phone.... and putting the phone down... and holding the phone again.... So finally I grabbed the phone and said, "i'm going to look" and he grabbed it back and said, "no wait... I'll look."

And I laid there... and he checked....

"THANK YOU GOD I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!"

I can not tell you how excited we all were... My parents came running over, Maddie woke up so I was hugging her crying, laughing, shouting!! My dad cried, my mom cried, Ryan was screaming!!!

Oh what a great feeling!!!

That night, we got a little tipsy with my parents while celebrating... Ok, we were down right drunk with my parents and it was hysterical!!!


Then I came home and went right into my busiest time of the year! RA Training. About 12 hours a day of nonstop working with Resident Assistants. Luckily I have 7 great RAs that are pretty good at things, so I'm happy!!

Included are a few pics from camping...

Maddie's first smore! Yum yum!!

Gratitude Fri... Tuesday?

Here are the pictures from this weekend, as promised:

That's right, I forgot to post a "Gratitude Friday" the past two weeks... so here it is:

I am thankful for:

my job. I think I've said it before, but I really love my job. I love my bosses, my coworkers, the set up, my students. I love being here for the students. I even love the busy times, like this week. I just got home from work at it is 10:30pm... but I love it!

my mother in law. She is one of the most giving women I know. Really. She quit her job for us a year ago. We didn't know what we were going to do as far as daycare. At one point it was ok becaues I was working 8-4pm and Ryan was working a security job for the college and working 4pm-12am, but that didn't last long. Ryan really hated the job but then was offered a teaching position he couldn't pass up. It was then, that Joan quit her job to come and watch Maddie for us all day. She wont take money for it either. The most she would let us do is get her a credit card and we basically force her to put gas on the card. So really, all we pay is her gas money and she is with Maddie from 9-3 every day. Besides that, she's so supportive, always wanting to help us out financially as well as encouraging us to go out as a couple while she watches Maddie. I just love her.

my upbringing. Specifically that I was raised an Episcopalian. I have so many friends that are catholic and do not practice, feel guilty about it, and have so many questions and doubts as well as contradicting thoughts about the Lord. I am so thankful that I was raised to know God, to love Him and that a relationship between me and the Lord was encouraged and supported.

good days with Maddie. This seems a little silly and obvious, but she has a wicked temper, and we can have some really tough days. Today, however, was a great day. I took her to the mall after work (well, between working during the day and going back after she went to bed) and she was great! Normally she freaks out and tries to grab things off of the racks and is just really hard to handle. This time, I took her without a stroller and she willingly held my hand the whole time, even let me pick her up when needed, and cooperated as I would have hoped.

Maddie's eating. Many parents worry so much about their kids and what they're eating and if they're eating enough. Maddie eats pretty much everything and will eat whatever we are eating for dinner or lunch. Case in point, she had tacos for dinner last night.

I have no idea where those pictures are going to land on here (or if both of them even uploaded), but you get the point!

running. I hate to run, I really do. However, I started running last year to lose some baby weight, and it helped me get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. So this summer when the weather got nice, I started back up with running. I would normally run 1 mile each morning and I was satisfied with that. About three or four weeks ago, I went for a run after Maddie went to bed around 7:45pm and told myself that I would run until it got too dark to continue, thinking I might get a mile and a quarter in. Two miles later, I could barely see the track anymore so I stopped. But I really felt like I could have kept going if it were lighter out! What an excellent feeling that was.

So the next morning, instead of my typical 1 mile run, I ran 2 miles. And here it is four weeks later and I have run 2 miles each morning without fail or pause. And I feel great. I don't feel guilty if I eat junk food (in moderation) and I am energized for the whole day.

I'll end here, but I do have a lot to be thankful for. God has blessed me greatly.

Updates

Its been two weeks since I last updated. I do not like that!

A lot has happened in two weeks. Firstly, we spent last weekend at my parents' and went to Sandy Neck beach with them. They have a sticker, so they can drive right on the beach. It was so much fun and Maddie loved the beach. Then we had my cousin Alan's wedding. VERY Interesting! I had a ball!! I drank too much wine which is always fun!! Becky (my sister) and I danced non stop and just had so much fun together the whole night. (Funny story, we had the same dress on!! different colors, but we had bought the same dress at different times and just thought it was hysterical so we had to wear them to this wedding!! it fit the awkwardness of the evening anyways!)

Last week was simply a full week of working and getting things ready for the students to come back (they come back a week from tomorrow!) I can't believe that this summer is already coming to an end for me!

This past weekend was a blast. We went back to my parents house for the weekend. Friday we went out on the beach again... this time though, we were "spoken to" and given a written warning for drinking on the beach! Oh geeze, I'm an RD and I was written up!!! But then I did what any good RD would do and poured the Sam Light into a Diet Pepsi can and drank it that way!! It was very comical actually, telling my parents how to get by the "no alcohol barrier" with sneakiness that my students use! Other than that, the beach was a great time! Maddie slept on the blanket - even when we moved the blanket to avoid high tide, she stayed asleep as we dragged her up the beach. She was great. Barely any tantrums all weekend!
Saturday, my sister and brother-in-law renewed their vows on the beach in Chatham. They've been married for 10 years and this was their anniversary gift to each other. They had a party with all of their friends over afterwards. That was a blast too. Becky looked beautiful. She bought a white satin gown (which was probably a size 8 because she's done so great losing weight) and just is so happy!
I will post pictures as soon as I upload them.

Sunday, we went to church with my parents (which is a must in my household... I don't EVER remember a Sunday morning growing up where we didn't go to church). I actually love that though. And going this Sunday made me miss church a lot. We NEED to find a good fit around here. My best friends were made in church and through the Lord, I want that for Maddie.

Then we hung out at their house on the back deck.

Look for "Graditude Friday on Tuesday tomorrow..."

Camping

We went camping this weekend and had a blast. It started out a little rocky, with Ryan getting frustrated packing the car and then a few glitches at the campground, but overall it was such a great time.

Every time we go camping, I make a list, and Ryan helps me pack all of the items without a complaint, most of the time actually adding items to the list. However, as soon as it comes time to fit it in the car (regardless of whether we drive the civic or the sportage) he gets frustrated at how much we're bringing.
This time was not unlike all the others, he was getting aggravated at just how much we we were fitting into the car. Complaining, "we bring so much stuff!" but every time he does this, I challenge him to remove the things we wont use, and he can't. So, again, we loaded the car with EVERYTHING we'd need for three days and headed to Newport.

When we got to the campground and went in to check-in, they informed us that all tent sites are without electricity (something we've never done before). Clearly we were not prepared for a weekend sans electricity (we brought a refrigerator instead of a cooler, we had a blow up air mattress, radio, ihome, space heater just in case)... but we decided that we would try to make it work. Ok, we didn't just decide. We sat in the car, GPS'd the closest campground that might give us a site with electric, and that was over 20 miles away. We then thought about what we NEEDED that would use electric and how we could substitute. Then we decided we'd give it one night! And see...

So, we went to the site and set up our tent.... See picture at right!

And... then we proceeded to the closest Wal*Mart and found the most amazing piece of technology that exists...
It is called a power converter and it basically plugs into your cigarette lighter but you can plug in regular plugs into it!!
So, ok, we cheated!!
But we only used it for the Air Mattress and while we were packing up to power the DVD player and keep Maddie stationery!

Anyways... it was very fun! We met a large racoon who was very happy that Maddie couldn't finish her Chicken Nuggets for dinner (and left them on our picnic table for him!) It was actually very comical! Our site was adjacent to our friends' Matt & Teresa's site, so we did the fire and meals at their site (other than the nuggets the first night).
So, we were sitting at their fire while Maddie was fast asleep in our tent. Ryan went over to check something and stopped three feet from the picnic table and came running back saying, "Holy Crap! There's a huge racoon on our picnic table!" And he wasn't kidding! That guy was enormous. He didn't care that we saw him, didn't care that we shone the flashlight on him, all that did was get him to turn around and show us his face! When he was done with the scraps Maddie left him, he sauntered off the table and up the tree next to our tent!

Thank goodness he never came back!

There was a thunderstorm early Saturday morning at 2am, which, thank God, did not wake Madison!

Saturday we spent in Newport, walking around, eating at the Red Parrot, sitting by the water and then walking the cliff walk. So nice!

At night, we put Maddie to bed after some macaroni and cheese (made over the fire!). Then we were sitting by the fire and a skunk came right up into the site, walked underneath the screen tent around the picnic table and started eating the macaroni that Maddie dropped!! That thing was not afraid of us at all!! We were freaking out about it and with the help of our camping neighbors and their very bright lantern, the skunk left.
Until about two hours later, we were sitting at the picnic table playing cards when the skunk (I actually think it was a different one) came right into the tent under our table!! NOT COOL SKUNK!!!

After following it and taunting it with a flashlight (really smart, I know), he finally got a little ticked off and shot his tail straight up in the air! ABORT ABORT!!! We put the lights down and without spraying, he went down the road and away from our site!

So, camping for the weekend turned into Animal Planet Adventures!! It was a really great weekend though!
Can't wait until the second week in August, now. We're camping next to my parents in their motormen and on the other side will be my sister and her whole family!! I love camping and I love family time, so really, it can't get better than that!!

All Better

After a good convo we're back to good. As much as I was feeling guilty about things, Ryan didn't feel that it was even an issue... But it was good to talk it out!

Today was a much better day.

We're packing for camping. We ALWAYS overpack! But how can't you with a one year old? Its a good thing we bought the new car though, because all of this stuff would never have fit in the Civic! (I don't think I talked about the new car before... Here's a picture!)

Its actually quite funny how the new car came about.
I kept thinking that we were paying way too much for the Civic, which we were. So, one day I called my dad (which I do when I am thinking about making a big purchase, or really for any big decision) and asked him how it works when you still owe money on a car and buy a new one. He basically told me that they will give you what they think your car is worth and then you roll over the rest into your new loan.

The very next day, I went shopping at the mall (just wanted a day out and Ryan and Maddie stayed home...) On my way home, I stopped at the Kia dealership. (The prior night I had looked at crossovers online and compared them to figure out what we wanted vs. what we might be able to afford and Kia Sportage was one we could definitely afford and had a great warantee).
So, I talked with the dealer for a while, test drove about six cars and then drove this one. I really liked it, talked the guy down so that we would only be paying 10 more dollars a month than we currently were with the Civic... and then called Ryan.
The conversation went just like this:
"Hey hunny... can you drive the Civic down to the Kia dealership on Rt. 44?"
"Ummm yeah, how come?"
"Well, I just traded it in."
.... silence....

and that night, we came home with a new car...

I'm lucky I still have a husband!!

Actually, I'm really lucky I have a husband that trusts me to make huge decisions like this without getting mad or pissed that he didn't have a say in it.

Although at first he didn't LOVE the color, the whole idea and car has totally grown on him.

The best part is that it has an Ipod USB jack and when you plug in your ipod, the songs show up on the Radio screen. It's the little things that excite me.

So... that's the new car story.

Did I mention that I love my new blog layout? I do... Props to my BFF for creating it...
How do I get a tracker though? I'd love to know if more than 2 people actually read it... and if they do, where they're from!

Running

I'm back to running every morning. I think it is good for me both physically and mentally. I need that half hour or so to clear my head that the beginning of the day, have a chat with God and just prepare for what is ahead.

I realized that I have a hard time figuring out my feelings; but my mood tells when I have them. I've been pretty moody the past two days and haven't been able to figure out why. While running this morning, I think I realized what it is.

Ryan is home with Maddie all day, and if you've read previous posts, you know that she's a handful. I realized that I have a lot of guilt that he deals with her by himself all day long. Then when I get home from work, I'm exhausted from dealing with other people's "stuff" and I'm not really sure where to jump in as far as dinner/watching/ playing with Maddie/cleaning/how much TV has she seen already, has she been outside a lot... and as a Mom, I feel like I should know and be doing all of this.
Don't get me wrong, Ryan doesn't make me feel guilty at all, its all on me... but then that reflects in my mood.

I know this is stuff that could be easily talked about, but when you don't even know that's how you're feeling, its hard to talk about it.
So... having just realized this early this morning, I think I'll bring it up tonight and find out how to fix it.

And maybe it is because I know that I would not want to be a stay at home, that I feel bad that he is. I love my girl, but I love my work and I love my time away too. Funny thing is that I never go far. The nature of my job is that I'm literally 40 steps away from my apartment when I'm in my office. Maybe that plays into it too. I don't know...

Either way, I'm sick of being moody and need to fix it.

The running, hopefully, is helping.

We are going camping in Portsmouth, RI this weekend. Its going to be nice weather, so we should have a fun time.

I wish we could be that family that takes a tent, sleeping bags, a cooler and is on their way... However, I have a list that covers one whole page (three columns wide) of things we need to bring! It gets even more cumbersome with a child... The pack-n-play, stroller, toys, high chair clip on seat, etc. They all make for a lot to pack for 2 days!! It will be worth it though. I like to get away every once in a while.

For now, I need to prepare (mentally) for staff training. A full week of professional development with my fellow RD's and office staff... I love it!

Boring Friday

Ok, three posts in one day is a little much, but I'm really into this!
I changed my background... I don't love it and I'd like to personalize it much more, but it's what I have to go on right now and its better than the simple layout they give you.

We went to the Paw Sox last week and I wanted to post some pictures, because they're cute!

Maddie said "shit"

I knew it would happen, I just didn't think it would be this soon!

She was sitting in her high chair much like the picture to the right.
I heard her fork hit the floor and her little voice shout, "shit!"

Well, if she's going to say it, at least she used the word correctly!

oy vey!

Here starts a new chapter in life.

Censoring ourselves... can it be done?!?

is it ok to steal ideas from someone else's blog?

Well, I hope it is.

A "friend" of mine (and I say "friend" because I haven't actually met her yet, she married a childhood friend of mine, and I'm close with all of her inlaw family, but just haven't met her yet because she lives in WA) keeps a very entertaining blog about her two children. In her blog she does something really great, she blogs on Fridays about what she's grateful for. I read it and think, I should do that too!

so, I'm going to copy her "Gratitude Friday" even if it's not good blog etiquette to do so!

Gratitude Friday

Family
I will not say that there is no drama in my family life, certainly there can be. However, I am so blessed with a great family. My parents are two of the most supportive people I have ever met. My sister is the most dedicated sister I could ever have asked for. She would do anything for me, seriously. My husband is the most amazing man I've ever met (even in the moments where he ticks me off, I still am amazed at how he handles my temper and moodiness). Maddie, although she is tough and has the temperament of... well... me... is so loving and such a blessing (that we could even have her!) My cousins are all so close - in fact Blackwell Family Fun night is tomorrow night (yes, all of our cousins and our kids get together for a night to play games etc.) And then I married into a family that is just amazing too! My in laws would seriously give us everything they had if we needed it. Ryan's cousins and aunts and uncles are wonderful too.

Job
I have a job that I love. I really do. I love working with college students, I love the development of the college student and watching it happen and fostering it along the way. I love the people I work with, that we're all here for the same reason but we all want to have fun too. I love right now, that my job provides us with an apartment so I don't have to worry about rent or utilities or repairs. I love that even in this economy, I know my job is safe.
Mainly, and this might make me sound like a bad mother... but... I know I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom... so I love that I can leave for work, be who I am at work, and then go home and be a mom. (those of you that are stay at homes, I have more respect for you than I ever did. And I realize that to be a stay at home, you MUST have more patience than ever known, you must be able to put your own needs aside at all times. And honestly, I am almost too selfish to be a good stay at home mom. I really applaud those of you that do it and think that it should absolutely be a paid job!)

Good Friends
We have a few really good friends. A lot of acquaintances, but some very close and really good friends. Tonight we're having Matt and Teresa over and I have been friends with Matt since birth. Our parents are best friends and have ALWAYS lived 2 miles down the road from each other (not intentionally either, they lived in Attleboro, and were 2 miles away... then Matt's parents moved to the cape for job reasons. Mine parents retired like a year later and moved to the cape and bought a house a little more than 2 miles down the road from Matt's parents - completely unplanned and unintentionally)... so they're very close and Matt and I have pretty much vowed to always be close friends!
Our best friends Mike and Tricia moved to Tennessee last year, and we're still very close to them!
My very best friend, Amber, whom I have been best friends with since about 7 years old and I are very close still. And although there has been drama or space between us as we were teens and adolescents, she and I know that ultimately, we are the best of friends. The friends that last and will be there for each other through thick and thin. (so cliche' but so true).
Clearly, these are not our only good friends, but they are a really good example of how time or distance do not distract us from the true friendships that God has given us.

Date Night
We have decided that when things get stressful, we need to force ourselves to have a date night and just go anywhere together. Last night, Ryan's parents watched Maddie and we had a date night. It was so fun. I felt like we were in high school again. What was even better is that our date night was free! We had movie tickets that were given to us as a gift way back in like February or March and then because I had emailed the owner after a bad experience at Not Your Average Joe's, we had a $50 gift card to their restaurant! We went to see that Hangover, which is sooo Ryan's humor. And had a great meal afterwards!
Its funny to go out to dinner and not have to worry about what is on the kids menu, is the high chair tall enough, is she going to scream once she's done with dinner and we're not... it was just very relaxing!

Ryan
I know I mentioned him in my family section... but.. .he's incredible. In every way. Firstly, he is home with Maddie all day for the summer (perk of being a teacher) so he's a stay at home dad. He's got more patience than I could ever dream up...
Its the little things too that he does that I am so grateful for. He makes sure the coffee is set to go off just before I get out of the shower in the morning, so its ready for me to take to work. He makes me lunch almost every day. He gets dinner ready when I get home. He even does laundry on some days.
And... he's so great with everything that is going on with my dad. He can almost sense when I'm thinking about it all and he'll just say, "you need anything?" To see if I want to talk about it or whatever. And, randomly, he'll ask if I want to go visit them.

And... he's just great.

the sun
it just makes me happy! I love sunny days, I love the way it feels on my face. I love it.