Camping

We went camping this weekend and had a blast. It started out a little rocky, with Ryan getting frustrated packing the car and then a few glitches at the campground, but overall it was such a great time.

Every time we go camping, I make a list, and Ryan helps me pack all of the items without a complaint, most of the time actually adding items to the list. However, as soon as it comes time to fit it in the car (regardless of whether we drive the civic or the sportage) he gets frustrated at how much we're bringing.
This time was not unlike all the others, he was getting aggravated at just how much we we were fitting into the car. Complaining, "we bring so much stuff!" but every time he does this, I challenge him to remove the things we wont use, and he can't. So, again, we loaded the car with EVERYTHING we'd need for three days and headed to Newport.

When we got to the campground and went in to check-in, they informed us that all tent sites are without electricity (something we've never done before). Clearly we were not prepared for a weekend sans electricity (we brought a refrigerator instead of a cooler, we had a blow up air mattress, radio, ihome, space heater just in case)... but we decided that we would try to make it work. Ok, we didn't just decide. We sat in the car, GPS'd the closest campground that might give us a site with electric, and that was over 20 miles away. We then thought about what we NEEDED that would use electric and how we could substitute. Then we decided we'd give it one night! And see...

So, we went to the site and set up our tent.... See picture at right!

And... then we proceeded to the closest Wal*Mart and found the most amazing piece of technology that exists...
It is called a power converter and it basically plugs into your cigarette lighter but you can plug in regular plugs into it!!
So, ok, we cheated!!
But we only used it for the Air Mattress and while we were packing up to power the DVD player and keep Maddie stationery!

Anyways... it was very fun! We met a large racoon who was very happy that Maddie couldn't finish her Chicken Nuggets for dinner (and left them on our picnic table for him!) It was actually very comical! Our site was adjacent to our friends' Matt & Teresa's site, so we did the fire and meals at their site (other than the nuggets the first night).
So, we were sitting at their fire while Maddie was fast asleep in our tent. Ryan went over to check something and stopped three feet from the picnic table and came running back saying, "Holy Crap! There's a huge racoon on our picnic table!" And he wasn't kidding! That guy was enormous. He didn't care that we saw him, didn't care that we shone the flashlight on him, all that did was get him to turn around and show us his face! When he was done with the scraps Maddie left him, he sauntered off the table and up the tree next to our tent!

Thank goodness he never came back!

There was a thunderstorm early Saturday morning at 2am, which, thank God, did not wake Madison!

Saturday we spent in Newport, walking around, eating at the Red Parrot, sitting by the water and then walking the cliff walk. So nice!

At night, we put Maddie to bed after some macaroni and cheese (made over the fire!). Then we were sitting by the fire and a skunk came right up into the site, walked underneath the screen tent around the picnic table and started eating the macaroni that Maddie dropped!! That thing was not afraid of us at all!! We were freaking out about it and with the help of our camping neighbors and their very bright lantern, the skunk left.
Until about two hours later, we were sitting at the picnic table playing cards when the skunk (I actually think it was a different one) came right into the tent under our table!! NOT COOL SKUNK!!!

After following it and taunting it with a flashlight (really smart, I know), he finally got a little ticked off and shot his tail straight up in the air! ABORT ABORT!!! We put the lights down and without spraying, he went down the road and away from our site!

So, camping for the weekend turned into Animal Planet Adventures!! It was a really great weekend though!
Can't wait until the second week in August, now. We're camping next to my parents in their motormen and on the other side will be my sister and her whole family!! I love camping and I love family time, so really, it can't get better than that!!

All Better

After a good convo we're back to good. As much as I was feeling guilty about things, Ryan didn't feel that it was even an issue... But it was good to talk it out!

Today was a much better day.

We're packing for camping. We ALWAYS overpack! But how can't you with a one year old? Its a good thing we bought the new car though, because all of this stuff would never have fit in the Civic! (I don't think I talked about the new car before... Here's a picture!)

Its actually quite funny how the new car came about.
I kept thinking that we were paying way too much for the Civic, which we were. So, one day I called my dad (which I do when I am thinking about making a big purchase, or really for any big decision) and asked him how it works when you still owe money on a car and buy a new one. He basically told me that they will give you what they think your car is worth and then you roll over the rest into your new loan.

The very next day, I went shopping at the mall (just wanted a day out and Ryan and Maddie stayed home...) On my way home, I stopped at the Kia dealership. (The prior night I had looked at crossovers online and compared them to figure out what we wanted vs. what we might be able to afford and Kia Sportage was one we could definitely afford and had a great warantee).
So, I talked with the dealer for a while, test drove about six cars and then drove this one. I really liked it, talked the guy down so that we would only be paying 10 more dollars a month than we currently were with the Civic... and then called Ryan.
The conversation went just like this:
"Hey hunny... can you drive the Civic down to the Kia dealership on Rt. 44?"
"Ummm yeah, how come?"
"Well, I just traded it in."
.... silence....

and that night, we came home with a new car...

I'm lucky I still have a husband!!

Actually, I'm really lucky I have a husband that trusts me to make huge decisions like this without getting mad or pissed that he didn't have a say in it.

Although at first he didn't LOVE the color, the whole idea and car has totally grown on him.

The best part is that it has an Ipod USB jack and when you plug in your ipod, the songs show up on the Radio screen. It's the little things that excite me.

So... that's the new car story.

Did I mention that I love my new blog layout? I do... Props to my BFF for creating it...
How do I get a tracker though? I'd love to know if more than 2 people actually read it... and if they do, where they're from!

Running

I'm back to running every morning. I think it is good for me both physically and mentally. I need that half hour or so to clear my head that the beginning of the day, have a chat with God and just prepare for what is ahead.

I realized that I have a hard time figuring out my feelings; but my mood tells when I have them. I've been pretty moody the past two days and haven't been able to figure out why. While running this morning, I think I realized what it is.

Ryan is home with Maddie all day, and if you've read previous posts, you know that she's a handful. I realized that I have a lot of guilt that he deals with her by himself all day long. Then when I get home from work, I'm exhausted from dealing with other people's "stuff" and I'm not really sure where to jump in as far as dinner/watching/ playing with Maddie/cleaning/how much TV has she seen already, has she been outside a lot... and as a Mom, I feel like I should know and be doing all of this.
Don't get me wrong, Ryan doesn't make me feel guilty at all, its all on me... but then that reflects in my mood.

I know this is stuff that could be easily talked about, but when you don't even know that's how you're feeling, its hard to talk about it.
So... having just realized this early this morning, I think I'll bring it up tonight and find out how to fix it.

And maybe it is because I know that I would not want to be a stay at home, that I feel bad that he is. I love my girl, but I love my work and I love my time away too. Funny thing is that I never go far. The nature of my job is that I'm literally 40 steps away from my apartment when I'm in my office. Maybe that plays into it too. I don't know...

Either way, I'm sick of being moody and need to fix it.

The running, hopefully, is helping.

We are going camping in Portsmouth, RI this weekend. Its going to be nice weather, so we should have a fun time.

I wish we could be that family that takes a tent, sleeping bags, a cooler and is on their way... However, I have a list that covers one whole page (three columns wide) of things we need to bring! It gets even more cumbersome with a child... The pack-n-play, stroller, toys, high chair clip on seat, etc. They all make for a lot to pack for 2 days!! It will be worth it though. I like to get away every once in a while.

For now, I need to prepare (mentally) for staff training. A full week of professional development with my fellow RD's and office staff... I love it!

Boring Friday

Ok, three posts in one day is a little much, but I'm really into this!
I changed my background... I don't love it and I'd like to personalize it much more, but it's what I have to go on right now and its better than the simple layout they give you.

We went to the Paw Sox last week and I wanted to post some pictures, because they're cute!

Maddie said "shit"

I knew it would happen, I just didn't think it would be this soon!

She was sitting in her high chair much like the picture to the right.
I heard her fork hit the floor and her little voice shout, "shit!"

Well, if she's going to say it, at least she used the word correctly!

oy vey!

Here starts a new chapter in life.

Censoring ourselves... can it be done?!?

is it ok to steal ideas from someone else's blog?

Well, I hope it is.

A "friend" of mine (and I say "friend" because I haven't actually met her yet, she married a childhood friend of mine, and I'm close with all of her inlaw family, but just haven't met her yet because she lives in WA) keeps a very entertaining blog about her two children. In her blog she does something really great, she blogs on Fridays about what she's grateful for. I read it and think, I should do that too!

so, I'm going to copy her "Gratitude Friday" even if it's not good blog etiquette to do so!

Gratitude Friday

Family
I will not say that there is no drama in my family life, certainly there can be. However, I am so blessed with a great family. My parents are two of the most supportive people I have ever met. My sister is the most dedicated sister I could ever have asked for. She would do anything for me, seriously. My husband is the most amazing man I've ever met (even in the moments where he ticks me off, I still am amazed at how he handles my temper and moodiness). Maddie, although she is tough and has the temperament of... well... me... is so loving and such a blessing (that we could even have her!) My cousins are all so close - in fact Blackwell Family Fun night is tomorrow night (yes, all of our cousins and our kids get together for a night to play games etc.) And then I married into a family that is just amazing too! My in laws would seriously give us everything they had if we needed it. Ryan's cousins and aunts and uncles are wonderful too.

Job
I have a job that I love. I really do. I love working with college students, I love the development of the college student and watching it happen and fostering it along the way. I love the people I work with, that we're all here for the same reason but we all want to have fun too. I love right now, that my job provides us with an apartment so I don't have to worry about rent or utilities or repairs. I love that even in this economy, I know my job is safe.
Mainly, and this might make me sound like a bad mother... but... I know I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom... so I love that I can leave for work, be who I am at work, and then go home and be a mom. (those of you that are stay at homes, I have more respect for you than I ever did. And I realize that to be a stay at home, you MUST have more patience than ever known, you must be able to put your own needs aside at all times. And honestly, I am almost too selfish to be a good stay at home mom. I really applaud those of you that do it and think that it should absolutely be a paid job!)

Good Friends
We have a few really good friends. A lot of acquaintances, but some very close and really good friends. Tonight we're having Matt and Teresa over and I have been friends with Matt since birth. Our parents are best friends and have ALWAYS lived 2 miles down the road from each other (not intentionally either, they lived in Attleboro, and were 2 miles away... then Matt's parents moved to the cape for job reasons. Mine parents retired like a year later and moved to the cape and bought a house a little more than 2 miles down the road from Matt's parents - completely unplanned and unintentionally)... so they're very close and Matt and I have pretty much vowed to always be close friends!
Our best friends Mike and Tricia moved to Tennessee last year, and we're still very close to them!
My very best friend, Amber, whom I have been best friends with since about 7 years old and I are very close still. And although there has been drama or space between us as we were teens and adolescents, she and I know that ultimately, we are the best of friends. The friends that last and will be there for each other through thick and thin. (so cliche' but so true).
Clearly, these are not our only good friends, but they are a really good example of how time or distance do not distract us from the true friendships that God has given us.

Date Night
We have decided that when things get stressful, we need to force ourselves to have a date night and just go anywhere together. Last night, Ryan's parents watched Maddie and we had a date night. It was so fun. I felt like we were in high school again. What was even better is that our date night was free! We had movie tickets that were given to us as a gift way back in like February or March and then because I had emailed the owner after a bad experience at Not Your Average Joe's, we had a $50 gift card to their restaurant! We went to see that Hangover, which is sooo Ryan's humor. And had a great meal afterwards!
Its funny to go out to dinner and not have to worry about what is on the kids menu, is the high chair tall enough, is she going to scream once she's done with dinner and we're not... it was just very relaxing!

Ryan
I know I mentioned him in my family section... but.. .he's incredible. In every way. Firstly, he is home with Maddie all day for the summer (perk of being a teacher) so he's a stay at home dad. He's got more patience than I could ever dream up...
Its the little things too that he does that I am so grateful for. He makes sure the coffee is set to go off just before I get out of the shower in the morning, so its ready for me to take to work. He makes me lunch almost every day. He gets dinner ready when I get home. He even does laundry on some days.
And... he's so great with everything that is going on with my dad. He can almost sense when I'm thinking about it all and he'll just say, "you need anything?" To see if I want to talk about it or whatever. And, randomly, he'll ask if I want to go visit them.

And... he's just great.

the sun
it just makes me happy! I love sunny days, I love the way it feels on my face. I love it.

Pictures from Nashville

I wanted to post some pics of our vacation and I forgot... so here ya go!

Another baby?!

Its funny... When you're first married, the question from people is, "oooh, so when are you going to have a baby?" or... "so, are there any babies in the future?!?!"

Now that we have a baby, the question is, "when's the next one?!?!" or actually, it's not even really a question for some people, it's, "ooooh, she's a year now... time for the next one!"

Says who?!?!

I just got to the point where I like this gig... and now you want me to change it up!?!

She's finally happy more than 50% of the time... do I really want to go changing that... And change it would!!

Maddie is a funny baby. She knows exactly what she wants and is pretty persistent in getting it. We really try hard not to give in... I do not want to be a mother that just tries to avoid a fight in public, so I give in. I do not do that. I give time-outs in the middle of a store, certainly say no to her when needed... but she's a handful. Especially now, being close to the tantrum peak and terrible twos, she's testing her limits.
I want to be able to enjoy her fully and not have to focus on being pregnant again and all that comes with that.

The tough part is that I don't want my kids to be too far apart in age... so there's a tricky situation I've gotten myself into!

So when you say to me, "oooh time for another!" I say to you... "mind your business, I'm happy with just one for now!" Ok, well I don't say that to you, I politely laugh and say, "oh, I don't know!" But I really want to say, "you worry about your life and I'll worry about mine!"


For now, she's only 18 months and I'll let myself enjoy her until God decides we're ready for another!

It's been a while

I haven't posted in quite some time, so I do have a lot to update.

We went to Nashville for a week, which was wonderful! Getting away and spending the week with our best friends was just what we needed. I was quite nervous for Maddie's first plane ride, however, she surprised us completely and loved it! She didn't seem bothered at all when our ears felt the pressure, the only part she wasn't crazy about was how confined we were. The planes were tiny! 13 rows back and 3 seats across and that was it! So, there was not much room with her on my lap.
Other than that though, I couldn't have asked her to be any better!

We did all of the country fan-touristy things while in Nashville and had a great time as a family as well as catching up with Mike and Trish.

While we were gone, my dad had surgery. I've been avoiding blogging about this, because for some reason, putting it in writing makes it real. He was diagnosed a week or so before we left with Bladder Cancer. I took it much harder than I thought I would. I almost knew it was coming, he was very upfront with the symptoms as he felt them and noticed them, but I guess all along, I was praying and hoping it would end up being something else.

So, when he was diagnosed, I left work in tears. Got in my car and met my sister. We both decided that we just wanted to be with him and my mom so we went there and all had dinner together. I think it was helpful for all of us. We wanted to see him, to be normal with him, and let him know that we'd support whatever came his way.

He had surgery while I was in Nashville, and they think they got all of the cancer. He has to go back at some point this week for a follow up and we will know more then.
Thank you GOD that they could do this surgery and that they got it all.

This weekend was the memorial service for my Aunt Marsha that passed away in March. I was better composed throughout the service than I expected, but that night and all of Sunday I was an emotional wreck. Her death hit me so much harder than I had expected. Its funny how some people are in your life, you know you love them, you know they mean a lot to you, but until something happens, you just don't realize the extent of all of that. Really, I think she knew I loved her and that she meant a lot to me; but I know for a fact she has and had no idea how much of an impact she had on my life.

Aunt Marsha was someone who made others laugh all the time. She loved to be around children and children loved to be around her. She could look at someone and see the beauty in them, even if it were buried beneath a mask or a facade. She also had a way of making you feel like you were the most important person in the world when you were talking to her.
I remember the day after Maddie was born, she came to the hospital to visit us. She kissed me and gave me a look and in her eyes I could tell that she understood my emotions at that moment. Her eyes spoke a certain peace to me, as if to say, "its ok hunny, you can do this."
I learned so much from her over the years. As a kid, she was an adult that I minded and looked up to. She yelled at us (kids) when we would play in the cabins (where we were told numerous times not to play)...
As a pre-teen, she emerged as a Christian role model. I saw her show Christ's love to others in a way that was so peaceful and not forceful. I loved that. I loved being around her.
As a young adult, I was at her house very often, whether for Happening things (a Christian Youth weekend I ran) or Alpha (a Christian course I took with her) and I loved being with her, not just around her. I loved having conversations with her, I loved that she almost always had a cup of coffee in her hand and for years had the same gold hoop earrings in her ears every day!
I loved her laugh and the way she'd sing at the top of her lungs for all to hear (not always on key) but she didn't care, it made people smile and laugh and be able to let loose and act silly also. She made you feel good about yourself, all the time.
I loved the relationship she had with her grandchildren and most of all, I loved that she treated me as family (even though technically I am not).
Losing a loved one is so tough, especially when you're not sure if you showed them just how much they mean to you, or even got to prepare yourself for their goodbye. I didn't prepare myself for that, and I didn't get to say goodbye. I know I didn't get to tell her how much she meant to me, and more because I didn't know how to put it in words. The day she died, I woke up that morning before knowing she had died, and said, "I want to email Uncle Dana and ask him to share it with Aunt Marsha and just tell her how much she means to me." I got to work too late to do that.

If I had emailed her I would have tried to tell her all of this, but even this doesn't explain it. I hope someday I can be half the woman, wife, mother, aunt and grandmother that she was. More so I hope I can be half the Christian she was, and if so, I will have achieved greatness.