The worst phone call ever

I will never see April Fools Day as a day of jokes or fun again.
It will always be ingrained in my memory as the day I received the Worst Phone Call Ever.

I was at work, meeting with a student when one of our student Office Assistants came into my office (they never walk in when I'm meeting with a student) and said, "Amanda, I'm sorry to interrupt, but Dr. Jason Pina, the Vice President of the University is on the phone for you - and he said I needed to interrupt you and you needed to take this phone call."

I have a decent relationship with Jason, (he's my boss's boss's boss) and last year we ran a Marathon Relay together with another guy from work and Ryan.  He and Ryan spent an hour together just chatting it up and I've been able to talk with him a lot about running (he's run a bunch of marathons and has a very sarcastic personality that I enjoy).

I wasn't nervous when he called - although, he's never told my OA that I need to take his call, I just figured I might have been the only person from the management team in the office which is why he wanted me.

Well, that was not the case.

"Hello friend.." I said, as I always do when I know who is on the other line.
"Hi Amanda, I'm sorry I had to interrupt you - are you alone, can you speak privately."
"Yes, what's going on?"  still thinking this was going to be about a student.
"I'm sorry to have to call for this, but I wanted to let you know that one of the Student Teachers at the Children's Center (Isabella's pre-school) was just arrested and is going to be arraigned for digitally raping two students at the center.  At this point, we know that the two students were boys and he is in custody now.
Are you still there?"
"I'm here.  Ok, thank you for letting me know."
"Ok, we are going to have a meeting tomorrow night for all parents on campus and I want to give you the number for an advocacy group."
"Wait, do you know if he was in Isabella's classroom?  Was he one of her student teachers?"  And now the images of Izzy crying and begging me not to make her go to school each morning start flooding my head and I immediately start sweating profusely.  My knees start to shake and I can feel my stomach on fire, and I know I'm about to vomit.
"I don't know, and I'm so sorry I don't know.  We are at the point right now where this arrest was just done and I am calling all parents.  Our plan is to compile all of that information for parents as soon as we can."
"Jason, Izzy hates school - is this why?"
"I am so sorry, but I don't know.  I don't have many answers, I just really wanted to make sure you knew this from me."
"Oh my goodness, you have to call all of the parents - I'm really sorry Jason - I appreciate you calling me though, as much as this sucks for you, I'm really glad it's you."  And it hits me, he's going to get some really pissed off parents.
"thank you.  Do you need anything from me at this time?"  And I knew he needed to end the phone call to keep calling parents.
"No, thank you.  Good luck with the other calls."

And the tears began.
I need to tell Ryan - but Ryan has Maddie in the car and for once, I hate the bluetooth technology in our car.
But I can't wait to tell him until the girls go to bed - I know he'll know something is up.
So I called him and told him to take the phone off of blue tooth.
Clearly, his end of the conversation was all "Oh, ok.  Uh huh.  Ok, well thanks for sharing that" and other pleasantries so that Maddie wouldn't know anything was up.

My boss came in and very flippantly said, "Oh, yeah, did you hear? It's on the news now, all over the news and facebook."  I want to think that she forgot that Izzy was a student there when she first said this, because it was just so careless - and then I broke down in tears on her - and I think it hit her.  Just how rude it was that she was so flip about it when I was panicking over it.  I was supposed to go to an Alumni Employee dinner that night, but needed to go home and see my girls- I needed to figure out how to now if Isabella had been touched or witnessed anything.  I needed someone to make me feel better about her hating school and I needed to somehow know that it had nothing to do with this.  I prayed. I begged God - I pleaded with Him.  Please let my baby be untouched - literally by this monster.

Immediately my phone started blowing up.  My mom called while I was on the phone with Ryan and left a message saying, "Amanda, please tell me I didn't just hear what I think I heard on the news".  Becky called, "Amanda, call me immediately, I'm freaking out."
And then the texts started - I think I received over 200 texts on a two hour period asking if I was ok, if I knew anything.  At one point, I just turned my phone off because Maddie was picking up on something.  "Mumma, is something going on?  Is everything ok?"  I played it off easy, and then needed to move to get the stress out - so I played Just Dance with the girls for at least an hour!

(I'm leaving a significant part out of this story (as I'm not sure what information people will read and I don't want to get anyone involved or share anything that might be brought up later- it involves Isabella's teacher and I'll just say that she is amazing and assured me that Izzy was safe).  I wont lie, this made me feel much better, but I still worried and had normal fear, I think.

At one point at home, I went to the bathroom and looked online on my phone and the media had put a picture of the creep on sites everywhere.  I came out of the bathroom and told Ryan, "I think I want to show Izzy his picture to see how she reacts."  He agreed that we should and while Maddie was outside playing with the boys next door, I said, "Izzy, I want to show you a picture of someone you might know.  He works at your school."
"Ok, where is he?"
So I paused the clip on my phone at the point where they showed his picture and said, "His name is Kyle, do you know him?"
"Does he talk?"  was her question.  She knew it was a video about to play and was waiting for the "movie".
"Well, not on here, but in your school he probably talks, do you know him?"
"yeah" she said shyly?
"You do, does he talk to you?  At your school?"  I asked, watching for some reaction, because up until this point there was really no visible reaction at all and she was still just waiting to watch a video!!
"No"
"You don't know him?  Have you ever seen him at school?  His name is Kyle."
"No, I don't know him.  What are we having for dinner?  Is it almost time to eat?"

And that was it.
Ryan was standing in the doorway watching the whole interaction and shook his head, as if to say, "No, she really doesn't know him."

She's only been in the pre-school since March 2nd.  And the fact that the two victims were boys - somehow offered me comfort.  I know that's awful, but at that point, it is the truth.

This post would be insanely long if I went through the following weeks with you - so I will try to cut it short.  I went to the parent meeting (Ryan's parents watched the kids so we could both attend) and it lasted over 3 hours.
Parents were pissed.  They were screaming, shouting, swearing at the President of the University.  Screaming at the chief of Police.  I think the administrators thought that parents would just be so happy that he was caught and arrested, but that was not the case.  Parents were pissed.  Many were pissed because they heard from the media before they got Jason's phone call.  I felt guilty at one point because I knew I was Jason's first phone call and I took a lot of his time.

When parents were so pissed and yelling at the lawyers there and the district attorneys that had come to help, the President finally kicked all of the college administrators out of the room and leveled with parents.  See, the chief and lawyers couldn't disclose ANY information without messing with the integrity of the case - so they were just trying to talk at us.  It wasn't working.  So the President needed to save it.  He's leaving in June, so really, he didn't have much to lose by doing this.  He shut the others out and told us pretty much all he knew.  Parents calmed down a bit.  He said, "Listen, I know what you're going through - I understand how much this sucks" and one parent screamed out "You have?  You had to worry that your child was raped!?" and he said, "Yes, I have - and it sucks" and he started choking up.
Once he said that - parents went a little easier on him.

It has taken everything I have not to comment on the news articles and Facebook posts about this.  People don't know the facts.  They assume that teachers are to blame.  They assume that this happened and teachers failed to report it.
The fact of the matter is that the teachers' response to this probably saved a multitude of kids from the same actions - and certainly saved this kid from doing it in the future.  His plan and course was to open his own daycare center.  Can you even imagine?
The teachers reported a lot - but nothing they saw was abuse, neglect, or endangerment.  Because he was crafty - and as all predators and child molesters do, he did what he wanted.
The teachers reported to their director that he was creepy.  That they didn't like the way he looked at the children (that isn't something that you can report to DCF).  They reported that they felt uncomfortable around him - to which she told them they were being unfair to a student with a disability.  She even challenged their biases and said that if it were a female student teacher, they wouldn't be complaining the way they were.  (This creep is legally blind, so he has those thick glasses and yes, is naturally creepy).  But these teachers reported feelings that they had and things that they saw that should have been supported and wasn't.
When there was finally something that could be reported to the state - the teacher that told the director basically risked her job to make sure that it was handled properly even though she didn't feel her other complaints were supported.  These teachers are phenomenal and they care so much for their kids.
Let me tell you - If I reported everyone that I felt was a creep, I'd have a file as thick as an encyclopedia and I'm sure people would tell me that I was stereotyping, and then I'm sure I would second guess myself.
These teachers, even after being made to feel like they were being biased, did what they could to keep this kid away from the students (at the risk of their director throwing disciplinary action at them) because they believed their gut.
That's the kind of teacher I want.  One that doesn't need proof, but just feels like something isn't right, so they keep my child safe from the person.  That's what happened.  None of those teachers had any idea that the "digital rapes" happened.  Let's be honest, even if you get a creepy vibe from someone, no matter how odd they seem, you can't ever actually imagine that they would DO something like this.  But they did sense that his behavior and thoughts were off - so they gave him administrative work to do and wouldn't let him near the kids.  Even though their director told them they shouldn't do that - if she wasn't going to fire him - they were going to make sure that he wasn't around the kids.

Anyway, I digress because I said I wouldn't make this a long post - sorry!
I have so much more to say about this - about the center.
I'm currently involved a group of parents that work with the President and other administrators to make sure that the Children's Center is the best center it can be.  I'm one of 38 families (out of 49) that continue to send their children to the center even after this happened.

I also, should mention that I would have called the director, Judy, my friend prior to this happening.  So, lets just say that I have MANY mixed, confused, and scary feelings about this whole situation.

I will end by saying, I hope NONE of my friends ever have to receive a phone call like that one.

Patience.... it's not my best trait... but I'm working on it

So, the first day of preschool was great for Izzy.  But she decided shortly after that - she did not want to go back.

And now, she asks incessantly if she has to go back.  When I say incessantly, I mean that I probably heard the question about 250 times on Saturday... Saturday she was begging not to go to school on Monday!

I can only listen to her crying, whining, screaming about not going to school for so long before I am going to lose my mind.

I've answered "yes, you have to go to school, it's your job now - all little kids go to school".  I've answers just a "yes."  I've ignored her, I've answered, "No" (even though that was a total lie, I thought it would stop the questions) and NOTHING stops it.

And, regardless of the answer, the end result is always this... for hours.  HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!

LORD, PLEASE GRANT ME THE PATIENCE TO DEAL WITH THIS.

Some things you just don't ever want to forget, regardless of how good or bad

I have a terrible memory.  I know it, my family knows it, my work is starting to catch on (I write everything down even when it seems silly).  I forget a lot of things.  A lot of things.

I've always had a terrible memory.  I've forgotten people.  Like, just really forgot that I ever knew them.  In 6th grade, a new girl in school, Andrea came up and said "Hi" to me as if we had been long lost friends.  I looked at her weird and said a shy "hi" back.  To which she asked, "Don't you remember me?"  "No."
I really didn't.  She didn't even look familiar at all.
"We were friends in 3rd grade and then I moved away for two years, but now I'm back!"
uhhh... ok!
I had no recollection of her.  But later found pictures of us together.  That's how bad my memory is.

I claim that all of the anesthesia that I had during early surgeries killed memory cells.  It has to be!

So, after I had both of my girls I wrote down their birth story.  I don't ever want to forget those moments in my life.  I am ok with forgetting the pain, but nothing else.

Last weekend, I knew we were headed for a memorable weekend.  We were going to Vermont to spend four days with my cousins.  I have five cousins on my Dad's side, and three of them live locally with their families.  So, a few years back we went to a house one of them owns (and built with his brothers) in Vermont.  We made it an annual tradition for four years, and then money became tight and they needed to rent it out so we took a few years off.  Well, this year, we headed back there.
When the Blackwell Cousins get together, there's always a lot of drinking, singing, game-playing, eating and laughing.  It really is my happy place.  I am THE HAPPIEST when I'm surrounded by this family.

My sister couldn't join in the festivities - money is tight for her, and she had class on Saturday.  She's getting her degree very soon, so skipping class is really not an option.  Her husband has severe social anxiety as well, so forcing him to attend this weekend with people he's met once or twice didn't really seem fair - and to be honest, was a good excuse to stay home when she really couldn't afford to rent a car and pay for the trip.
So, we decided that we would bring my niece Elizabeth.

We knew this was about a 5 hour car ride, so we hooked up the DVD players in the car (what a godsend those are with bored little girls!) and headed off to Vermont.  Our car was so packed you couldn't see out the back window at all and each of us had items in our laps.  (I am horrible at taking pictures so I just don't have any of this sight, however; it was one!)

We hit major traffic, even though I sent us up 495 trying to avoid it.  We ate dinner at about 7:15 in Hooksett, NH.  The girls were allowed to have Wendy's which is a huge treat for them - and lucky for Ryan and I, there was a Subway next door.  We all ate and were pretty content.
We had been texting with my cousins about the traffic and stopping for dinner the whole way up until after dinner, when we went through Franconia Notch.  We lost service at this point and never got it back!  I don't mind going "unplugged" for a weekend or so, but I like to have the option of service if I want it - this lack of service made me very nervous.

Either way, we were following the GPS (which did work, thankfully) and got to the point in the trip where you can see your destination flag!! (Hallelujah!)   So, we just had to turn right and go 0.7 miles more and we were at the giant house with our giant family.
Turn right, and head up this snowy road... up... up... s..l...o...w...l...y... u....p.... and notgoingupanyfurther!
Tires spinning, transmission grinding, we're not going any further.
So, Ryan backed down the road and gave it more gas and tried back up this hilly road.
Again, tires spinning, transmission grinding, spinning the car back and forth, but not going further.

We back down further, this time down the main road a bit.  We pick up speed more and turn right onto the hillyroadofdeath and we're swerving left and right because our car is just awful in this snow and we couldn't catch any tracking... we got up a little further but no where near as far as we needed to go.  This trying again and again backing out further but only causing more swerving happened a few more times before I said, "Ok, we need to park down here with our hazards on and wait".
"What for what, Amanda, we are in the boonies!!"
"I don't know, some of the cousins have to be behind us right?"  I figured my cousin Kathy was because I knew they stopped for dinner after us.
With great frustration, we decided that one of us needed to walk the 0.7 miles down that hilly, pitch black road to find the house and get my cousins to help us get the car up the hill.  (How they were going to do that, we had no idea, but I just knew they could).

So, Ryan took his phone (at my encouragement) to use as a flashlight and headed up the hill.  And Maddie, Isabella, Elizabeth and I waited with our hazards on.  My phone did read that the temperature was -20 outside.  I was really wishing that Ryan had thought to put on a hat and gloves, but he was out of sight and was too ticked off to be reasoned with at that point anyways!

About fifteen minutes later, I saw headlights.  Praying they would stop, I leaned over to the driver side window and rolled it down.  Sure enough, they slowed down and asked if we were ok.  I explained that we couldn't get up the hill and Ryan went to get help.  At that point, my cousin Kathy, who was in the front seat (her boyfriend that I had only met once was the person speaking to me) leaned her head forward and said, "AMANDA!!!!!"  Oh thank GOD, it was Kathy!!!

Then she said the words I will never forget: "This isn't the right road!!"

Ummm, what's that now?  This has to be the right road, the little GPS flag is .7 miles down on the right!!

"No, no, it's about a half mile down the road and then you turn right to get to their street".

Well, I then asked them if they would go up this "wrong" road and try to find my very ticked off, very cold, and now very lost husband.  Sure, they had four wheel drive, they could make it up the hill - so they did.  They drove up the hill and out of sight in search of Ryan.

About 10 minutes later, they came back down the hill and before I even saw into the car, I had a sinking feeling.

"We didn't see him!"
Immediately, tears and hysterically crying came from the back seat of my car.

"Are you sure he went that way, up that hill, there's like nothing up there!"

"Yes, I know he went up there!!!"

"Ok, we'll go back, we'll find him, don't worry!"

Well, the longest ten minutes of my life happened between 10:20pm and 10:30pm on February 13, 2015.
During those minutes, I had to convince my hysterical 7 year old that crying would not find Daddy, but praying would.  We prayed (over the sound of Barney on the DVD player) together and asked for God to help us.

Finally, I saw headlights coming back down the hill.  "WE GOT HIM!!!"

THANK YOU GOD!!!

So, Ryan jumped in our car, we followed them down the road another half mile before we turned onto their actual road.  Apparently, they told Ryan that the road wasn't as hilly or as bad as the one we thought was the right road.  So, we were trucking along up and down the small hills headed to the RIGHT house!
As we drove up each small hill, we were praying "Please God, please God... YES!!!" and then again at the next hill, "Please God.... Yes, we made it"... until... "Please God, please God, please God... come on!!! PLEASE GOD!!!!!!!!! UGHHHHHHHHHHH SERIOUSLY??!!!"  Tires spinning, transmission grinding, we're not going any further... back down the hill we went (swerving into and out of snow banks as we backed up, because the car is terrible in snow, apparently!!)
We tried to get up the hill again, and only ended up skidding into the side of the road (which had four feet of snow) and tried again.

Kathy and Dave had continued ahead, so we knew they knew we were stuck.  We just sat there, again, waiting for someone to come save us.  At this point, Isabella had just fallen asleep, Maddie is crying and Elizabeth was gabbering up a storm (she talks a lot when she's nervous apparently).
About five minutes later, headlights come toward us and we're hoping/praying/assuming it's Dave or one of my other cousins.

Sure enough, out jump Paul and Brian (my two cousins) who had been enjoying some adult beverages for the past hour or so!! Laughing and joking with each other, "HEY GUYS!!!!!  WHAT'S UP!!! Can't this baby get up the hill??"
So, with their coaching, we tried three more times.  At that point, Dave said, Amanda, I'll take you and the girls and get you warm and in the house, they can figure this all out.

THANK YOU LORD!!

So, Maddie, Elizabeth and a sleeping/crying/sleepy Isabella and I jump in his car and get to the house!

We walked into the door and my cousin handed me a beer and took my coat!!  The most amazing welcome I could have asked for!!!!

About fifteen minutes later, I see our car come barreling down the road and into the driveway.  Paul was in the drivers seat (which I completely expected) and I don't need to know how they got it over the hill, all I know is that Ryan was not in a snowbank dead somewhere and our car was there with our luggage!!!

At that point, I believe it was 11pm, which is the latest my kids have ever gone to bed!  They fell asleep the minute their heads hit the pillows and then I was ready to drink and relax!!

Drinking and relaxing is exactly what we did.  We played a little Just Dance, played Cards Against Humanity (which was hysterical), Hollywood Game Night, and Heads Up.  We went sledding, snowmobiling, we ate a lot, Tricia and I got a good workout in at one point over the weekend, and we thoroughly enjoyed being with each other.

God was right there with us on the way home as well!  We got all packed up and headed out of their driveway and sure enough... Tires Spinning, transmission grinding, swerving back and forth, we're not going anywhere.  So, we tried a few times, and then Brian got Paul and another cousin to give us a push.  They literally pushed our SUV out of the driveway and we headed on down the road.  This road is very hilly, but mostly downhill, so we were swerving like crazy, but we made it... until the end where we turn left onto the main road, Rt. 114 and we went to slow down to stop at the end of the road and the breaks locked up!!! Ryan had to cut the wheel to the left to try to just swerve into the main road and hope we didn't spin out.  We swerved right instead of left and almost crashed into the woods, then he cut the wheel and swerved left and was trying to straighten out the car.  He yelled, "I can't brake, they're locked!!!" and I tried to be as calm as I could and said, "Ok, pump them a little bit, just a little" and then he straightened out and we were headed in the right direction in the right lane!!!
Well, a few yards ahead was a red car.  Both of us realized, I think, at the same time, that had we not gotten stuck at the driveway and needed the push out of the driveway, we would have absolutely crashed into that red car.
THANK YOU GOD FOR WATCHING OVER US ALL THE TIME!!

So, needless to say, it was an incredible weekend that started out shakey and ended shakey as well!!! I love the little details of this story, and I don't want to some day just look back and thin k - oh yeah, didn't we get stuck or something?!? I wanted to remember it all - so, there it is... and I will always look back on that trip as one of the best
I'll leave you with the few pictures I did take!!