I forgot...

Just how stressful a newborn can be...
I forgot how frustrating it is to not know why your baby is crying or how to solve whatever it is that is causing these fits.
I forgot how tough it is to have a colicky baby...
I forgot how stressful breastfeeding a colicky baby is... (they act hungry, eat for a minute, then pull off, and cry uncontrollably - thus your milk supply is hampered).
I forgot what it felt like to be completely exhausted...

You might think that if I did remember all of that, I wouldn't have had another...
Not true...
Not true because I didn't forget how wonderful it is to have that little baby snuggle up on  your chest.
I didn't forget how great it feels to have that baby light up when you walk in the room...
I didn't forget how incredibly adorable it is when my baby holds on to me with both hands while she is nursing...
I didn't forget what a miracle it is that Ryan and I created this little person together, and she is a complete product of our unfailing love.
And I didn't forget that unconditional love that can only come from a baby who knows only what I have shown her.

I am so blessed.

I can even find blessings in her four consecutive hours of crying - at least it stops at midnight and I was able to sleep from 12:30am-4:15am straight... and then she fell right back asleep and dint' wake up until 7:15am.
For that, I am so thankful.
I do know what it is like to have a baby cry all night long (Madison cried 12-8am non-stop for a few nights) so I will be very grateful and thankful for what I have.

After all, how can you be upset when you look at this love:

Isabella's Arrival (part 2)

With the next contraction, I pushed with all my might and I'm pretty sure I screamed like some sort of animal! The tough part about pushing is that you know its going to be the worst pain you've ever felt, but you are the one who has to do it to yourself. I can only think that cutting off your own arm or leg would feel something like this.
At one point, I had to ask Ryan to stop squeezing my hand (I was squeezing his pretty hard and he was squeezing back out of reflex) but other than that, he was just perfect - cheering me on, giving me water after every contraction, and helping me get through this.
At another point, I started to panic because my arms and legs went numb and I was shaking uncontrollably. I said, "I can't feel my body" and the nurse asked Ryan, "what did she say?" He repeated it and I said, "I can't feel my arms and legs, they're numb" to which the nurse told me to stop breathing so fast, that I was causing that to happen. So I tried hard to slow my breathing but I was in a lot of pain, and I guess I couldn't help it.  I remember thinking - Oh my God, those noises are coming from me!?!?  I was making some crazy noises with each contraction - but couldn't help it!
They gave me some oxygen through a mask and I have no idea if it actually helped or just made me feel a little better - but either way, I think I could feel my arms and legs better because I finally gave it my all and pushed with everything I had. Suddenly, I felt that intense relief and the nurse told me to stop pushing.

At 7:13pm,Ryan tearfully said, "it's Isabella!!" and I was elated, I forgot about the pain I was in; I didn't care that there was still more to do, I was just so happy!
Ryan was able to cut the cord this time (with Madison, he couldn't because it was wrapped around her neck) so he was really happy about that.
They immediately put Isabella on my chest and let us have skin to skin contact for an hour. They only took her off of me to give her the shot and eye medication she needed and then gave her right back to me to start nursing.

The tough part about labor is that you want it to be completely over once the baby is out - but it isn't! The nurse, whom I found out later was actually a midwife was great for the rest of the process - even though it was painful, she made it as comfortable as she could.

I missed that $5 by 13 minutes. But, she didn't leave right then - she took her time with me, cleaning and repairing what needed cleaning and repairing and finishing the amazing job she started with our delivery. In fact, she finally came in around 8:30pm and hugged me goodbye. I couldn't believe she stayed as late as she did for us. She was amazing!

Ryan made all of the phone calls to our family and posted what he could to let people know that she was here. Her middle name is after my mother's mom, Eleanor and I am sure my mom never expected that - so Ryan said she cried when he told her what the name was. I'm happy that we were able to honor my mom's mother. She was an amazing woman and my mom is a lot like her.

At about 9pm (actually I have no idea what time this was, but I'm assuming it was close to 9) they moved us to a recovery room (basically on the maternity ward) that we would be in until we went home. The accommodations were very nice - even the pull out bed wasn't bad for Ryan. Visiting hours were over, so no one could come visit that night but, we were actually happy to have the night to ourselves.

All of the nurses were incredible to us, and we felt so well cared for. It didn't matter that we already have a child at home, I still felt like I had no idea what to do with her!

Nursing was a bit of a challenge, as I would assume it always is - baby and mom have to learn together. We're still working on this learning. Her latch is not perfect and we're trying to get her to learn to latch better - but she's back up past her birth weight, so that is what matters!

We had the whole family come visit on Saturday along with our bff's and Ryan's cousin and family. Other than that our visitors waited to come see us at home - which was nice. Sometimes it can be stressful to have people coming to the hospital (especially when you're trying to learn to nurse and nursing every 2 hours or so), so I was just as happy to have people wait and come to the house.

So that is the story of her arrival.
Madison is adjusting to being a big sister, she's testing the waters as our attention is shared (which is to be expected) but she is being great to her sister. We're trying very hard to give her a lot of attention and make her feel included in everything that has to do with the baby.
I was slower to heal and recover this time than last time - but my body went through a lot more trauma this time than last time, so I guess that's why. Its also funny how much you forget - I forgot about the after care that is required post labor - not fun!

I'm also dying to run - but will give it a little longer before I do. I know I wont be able to jump into a 3 miler like I'd like to, but I just want to get out there and go. Timing my run with nursing will be tricky, I'm sure, but I'll figure it out. Hopefully once I do, I'll fit back into my clothes. Currently I am still wearing maternity clothes because my pants wont fit up over my hips (so annoying). I did gain 47 lbs so I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I am so impatient with this part - I just want my old body back!! I have 30 lbs to go, so it wont be easy or quick, but I'm hoping once I do start running it will come off steadily!

Maternity Leave.... Part 1

I promise I will get better at blogging.  Who likes to go to a blog with no pictures?  No one, right?  I know... my excuse is two fold.  Firstly, I couldn't find the cord to hook up the camera to the computer and then when I did, I couldn't find the camera.  Secondly, since we got the Ipad, we almost never use the laptop... but typing large amounts on the ipad is a little annoying - so those are the two reasons I haven't blogged in over a month.
Plus, I hated my last post - it was way too long... In fact, I know it is a little late, but I just went back and split it into two posts.  So, for anyone who hadn't read it yet, it should be a little less to take in one read. 

Anyways... I don't want to forget how amazing my maternity leave has been so I am determined to get blogging more.

Here's the start to that:
Clearly, it started on June 1st when I had Isabella.  We came home from the hospital on June 3rd and my mom, who had been staying with Madison at our house, had dinner ready for us and all of our laundry done (that's right, she's pretty amazing!)  She had also taken my niece for the night so that Madison had company - which I think was great, it was fun for the two girls and actually when they are together, it's almost easier for my mom.  She took them shopping and they had a ball together, with Mimi.

Two days later, we celebrated our 8 year wedding anniversary.  Even as I typed that I had to double check.  It just doesn't seem possible that we've been married for that long.  And yet, I don't remember life without  him in it (probably because it was almost 20 years ago that I had life without him in it!)
By celebrated, I mean that we took Maddie to school and then hung out all day at home.
Boy have things changed now that we have children!!

My recovery from delivery took longer than I had expected.  Ryan was a little frustrated with me because I just really wanted to be able to be up, moving, and do things - but I was pretty much confined to the house (and couch) for two weeks.    In addition to my body recovering, I was nursing Isabella  - and that was my full time job (still is).  She is not on a schedule (most people think they eat every two hours) instead, I feed her on demand - when she's hungry, my life stops.  Which at this point is every hour with maybe a 3 hour stretch during the day...

Most of you know that I was determined to have Isabella early because Madison's recital was on June 10th and I was adamant that I would make it to that.  Well, I am pleased to say that I did!
I had Isabella in the moby carrier for part of the day, but then I was a back stage dance mom for about 2 hours and Isabella slept in my mom's arms in the audience the whole time!
I am so proud of Madison - back stage, the majority of girls (young and teens) were complaining, crying, whining about their costumes being itchy, them being tired, hungry and wanting to sit in areas they weren't allowed.  However, Madison was smiling and happy the ENTIRE time!
At one point, it was about 5:15 (show started at 3) and she still had about an hour before she went on stage, I asked her "Hunny are you hungry?" and she said, "why, do you have any food for me?"  I had packed some pretzel sticks, veggie chips and goldfish as well as a water - well, clearly she was starving because she scarfed!! But I wouldn't have known, she didn't complain once.  We shared those snacks with her dance mates who were just as  hungry but were much more vocal about it!!

Here are some pictures of my dancing beauty!!

Putting lipstick and mascara on a 4 year old is much harder than it looks!

with her two bffls in dance, Ava (next to her) and Cayla

I can't figure out how to flip this one!

She did such a good job and she LOVED being on stage!!  The theme for the show was I Love New York - their dance routine was to the song "Boy from New York City" so now we still hear her singing "ooooha oooha ooooha ditty, talk about the boy from New York City" while she dances infront of the tv (to see her reflection, naturally!)
She is just so cute!