My funny 4 year old

Sometimes Madison means to be funny... other times, she had no idea just how funny she is or even, why she's so funny...

While driving to school/work today; Red Solo Cup came on the radio.

"*Gasp* Mumma, we love this song!!"  she said with a huge smile on her face and she immediately started singing along.

"Mark says we shouldn't sing this song Mumma."

"Mark who?"

"Mark, my cousin, Mark.  Why shouldn't we sing this song?"

"Well, the song is a silly song about drinking - and a lot of people use Red Solo Cups when they play drinking games or drink a lot - I guess that is why he said not to sing the song. But you can sing it, just don't sing it at school, ok?"

"Yeah, I won't. Because I don't drink a lot at school anyways."

running again

Knowing that I've been using my pregnancy as an excuse to eat like crap and pig out recently, I finally decided that I needed to start running again.

It is so hard to start up again, but I really do love it - so I just did!

I ran really slow and only did 2 miles - but it felt wonderful.  Actually, it was tough, but I felt wonderful that I did it!  My lower stomach hurt a bit during the run and I realized that my abs have separated (half on the bottom of my baby bump and half on the top)... so that pain I felt (which was more uncomfortable than pain) was actually my abs.   You might not know this, but when you run, you actually engage your abs without even trying.  So, my abs, having not been used in over 10 weeks finally got a little action...
Also, my lower back has been causing me some trouble over the past few months and during my first run it was a bit sore too.
My breathing was great (I was running pretty slow - 11:30 pace) so I am sure my heart rate was where it should have been and when I got home I felt so refreshed!!

I took the next day off to let my muscles recoup a bit and ran the day after that.  My pace increased and my back pain was almost non-existent.  My lower ab pain was hardly noticeable this time and again, I felt great!  The next few days were very cold and it snowed about 8 inches, so I had to take a few days off. 

Tuesday, I was back at it.  I ran 2.5 miles this time and my pace was just under 11 minutes.  This time, the back and stomach pain were completely gone.  I did feel tired when I got home (which is not typical for me unless I run 8+ miles) so I do know that I'm a lot less in shape than I should be - but overall, a great run.

Today, I ran 2.5 again and felt great.  No pain, no discomfort, and my breathing was fine the whole time.  Also, at lunch HR offered a zumba class today and I took that.  I loved it.  It was my third or fourth time taking zumba and it's so much fun.
The instructor was great and she made some adjustments for me (basically just with abs) knowing I shouldn't be doing anything with abs.  She also had me use my own disgression with the jumping... I took it easy.

I just think the more active I stay, the better I feel emotionally, physically and mentally.  I've already gained 15 pounds and I know that I gained a lot at the end of my last pregnancy, so I'm trying to keep that under control as best I can. 

Its just so hard because I work my butt off to stay the size I am (when not pregnant) and I don't think I will ever be just ok with gaining weight - even when I know that it's normal and required... it's still very difficult.

I'm very focused on making sure my baby is healthy, let there be no mistake about that.  But I want to make sure I'm keeping myself in check and healthy at the same time...

I'm also wondering if and how I will be able to keep up my running and training (I plan to do another Half Marathon in October) with two kids.  I'm actually wondering how everything will be with two kids.  I feel like if I were going to be a stay at home mom, I might be a little more at ease, but I have to worry about how I'll go back to work - daycare, managing getting two kids and myself out of the house in the morning on time... There's a lot to think about... and I'm at that point right now of wondering how I'll balance it all.  (don't get me wrong, stay at home moms have plenty to worry about and I couldn't do what they do - but the work aspect and daycare/preschool aspect are two areas I am worrying about that I might not have to as a SAHM).
Thank God I have Ryan... He's pretty supportive about my running (well, recently he's not all that thrilled that I'm running again - but he understands it.  He worries the whole time I am out there; its 6am and still dark out, cold, and clearly he worries I'll fall or something.) 
I am smart about it.  I want to be healthy about it too.

So that's my running rant... I'll keep it up as long as its comfortable.

Cancer

Did you know that one in three people will eventually be affected by cancer?  Isn't that a terrible statistic?  It makes my stomach turn.
When Ryan and I went for our Genetic Counseling appointment we had to go through a whole family history and Ryan and I realized that there is a lot of cancer in our families.  My maternal grandfather had colon cancer, my maternal grandmother had skin cancer and My father HAD bladder cancer.  Ryan's cousin had caner (I can't remember which type), his uncle had testicular cancer, his grandmother has cancer and we're praying the cancer stops there!!
When I said at that appointment, "Wow, I never realized how much cancer was in our family"  the genetic counselor said, "Well, one in three of us will be affected."  And I just stopped and stared at her!  Ouch.


Why am I writing about such a downer topic... well, I have had a week that is cancer full, or not cancer full - however you look at it.

Tuesday, while sitting at my desk knee deep in writing html code at work, my cell phone rang.  It was my dad's cell phone number - my parents rarely call me at work so immediately, that pit in my stomach returned.
Much to my surprise, he was jovial, but I could tell he was choked up.  "I just wanted to tell you that I had my cystoscopy and the doctor said that it was clean - not a trace of cancer... I don't have to go back for another year"... I will never forget that phone call. 
We have been praying for two and a half years that this would happen... and here it was!!  Thank you God for your blessings!!

Today, was not as great.  Two weeks ago, one of my RAs from last year came to me and told me that while at the dentist, he was told that his xray showed a tumor above his teeth, behind his nose; in his head.  He would need a biopsy.  At that time, I thought, "he's only twenty one, there's no way this is going to be anything scary."
The next day he had gone in for a consult and came home and said, "They're saying it's likely cancer"... No no no, he's only in his twenties, this can't really be.  I told him, "Don't worry about this until you know whether or not it is really something to worry about.  They haven't tested it at all, so don't worry yet."  It seemed to help. 
A week later, he came in practically bouncing off the walls.  "It's not cancer!! They said that based on what they saw when they biopsied that it was 98% not cancer".  He knew he'd still have to have it removed and the results from the biopsy hadn't come back yet, but just hearing that there was only 2% chance made him so much better.

Today, he came walking into my office with tears in his eyes.  My heart sunk.  The biopsy results showed that it is cancerous and rather than waiting until March (spring break) to have it removed, he goes in for a consult in 6 days to have it taken out immediately.  They believe they can get the whole thing, but he's still scared out of his mind.  This poor kid...  He's such a fun, happy, goofy young kid and he doesn't deserve this - not that anyone does... I don't know why I say that, but he's dealt with a lot of crap these past two years and he is in store for some good things... certainly not this.

He asked me today, "Why me?"  I told him that it is because he is strong enough to handle and beat this.  That these things happen to people who can handle them and that he will beat this and his story will give someone else the strength and courage they need to get through something like this. 
I honestly believe that.

My boss talked with him after I did and then came and talked to me.  She told me that she said to him, "Amanda's dad is a prime example of how keeping a positive attitude and determination to beat cancer really works."  I was so proud that someone who doesn't even technically know my dad knows how he handled this horrible disease.

She did forget one thing, prayer and faith in God.  My dad's faith in the Lord's plan for him is really to be credited.  That itself gave him his determination and positive attitude (which, might not have been positive ALL the time, but it certainly was positive on the outside more than not)...

I ask that those of you reading this would please say a prayer for Chris.  And a prayer of thanks for my dad, because the Lord certainly has blessed us. 

Pregnancy Update

I was reminded the other day by a friend that I haven't updated much about the pregnancy... which is pretty funny to me, in a way, because I don't eat, sleep, and breathe this pregnancy like I did my last one, so not blogging is probably just a product of that fact.
My last pregnancy, I guess, being my first, was all I could think about.  This time, until recently (now that I'm really showing) I haven't been obsessed with it.  In fact, there are times (mostly when eating) that I actually have to stop and remind myself, "wait, you're pregnant, can you eat that?"

It certainly isn't because I don't care - I do!  I can't wait for this baby to be here.  I don't' know that I ever wanted anything more.  From the moment we started trying to conceive I wanted this baby with a fiery passion.  And now, its pretty hard to think I have to wait another 4 months before he or she will be here.

I'm feeling pretty good all around... just still very tired.  I supposed working 8 hours a day and being a mom to a spunky 4 year old will do that to me - but I'm used to having a ton of energy so it's just frustrating at times.
We had a Level 2 ultrasound yesterday to determine whether this baby has cleft lip and/or cleft palate and I'm so relieved to say that all signs point to no.   God is so good.  What was really sad was in the genetic counseling appointment, the counselor asked if we were finding out because we would terminate if the baby DID have cleft lip and palate.  I can't imagine having that mind set.  I had it a little rough growing up with a birth defect (or as they call it 'birth difference') but I would never terminate a pregnancy because of it.  Don't get me wrong, I don't judge others for terminating for their own reasons, but I just don't think that cleft is a reason for me to do that.  The reason we were there was to better prepare ourselves if the baby were to have it.

My parents weren't prepared at all.  They had no idea that I would have any defect and then had no idea what was in store for me once I was born with this.
I can't imagine how scary and traumatic it was for them - I like to be prepared... having a baby is life altering enough... That's why we were there...

So that's my update. We have a healthy baby developing in there... and no we are not finding out.  We don't peek at our Christmas presents either!!
We're waiting and will relish in the surprise! 
And no, we're not sharing the names that we pick out either.  I don't care what you think about the name I pick and if I tell you now, you're bound to tell me what you think about it...
Ok, that sounds harsh... We like secrets, and we like surprises!  I know for a fact that if I had told people we were thinking of naming our girl Madison the last time, some people's reactions would have offended me to the point where I would have contemplated changing my mind about it - and I don't want to a.) feel guilty that you don't care for a name I pick or b.) let someone's reaction change what I want for my child.

People keep asking me if I feel that i'm having either a boy or a girl... I have no idea - honestly.  I mean I guess I lean towards girl, but that's only because it is all I know...


On another note, my other baby turned 4 on Tuesday.  I can't believe I have a four year old.  If I knew that this delivery would go just as hers did, I'd be so excited.  I still relish that as the best day of my life...

Madison's Delivery... Not to be lost

I just realized I didn't have this on my blog, but don't want to ever forget it... so I'm putting it in here... 

Hello all! So many of you have asked how the whole delivery went and what happened, since I was 15 days early... so I figured, the best way to share our story is by blog. I'll warn you, I'm not going to leave out any details, so get ready!!

Ok... it started, I think Wednesday evening when Ryan went Jammin with his dad and cousin, I was debating going to the gym or not ( I hadn't gone that morning and was feeling guilty)... So I texted Michelle asking if she was going, and I'm very glad she encouraged me to go with her! We went to the gym and walked on the treadmill for a while, and although I didn't say anything, my back was hurting a good amount as I was walking. I thought it a bit strange, but wanted my workout in, so I kept walking. We didn't get to do weights because the gym was closing, so after our walk, I came home and took a nice hot shower. After Ryan came home, we went to bed around 11 ish... and at 1:45am I woke up to go to the bathroom... a pretty usual occurance this late in my pregnancy. I realized that something wasn't right, I had either broken into a pretty intense sweat or my water might have broken.
After going to the bathroom, I realized that there was some pink visable in the toilet... knowing that I don't usually pee pink pee, I realized something might be going on. I went out to the living room, grabbed my What to Expect Book and looked up "How to know if your Water Breaks"... basically it told me if I thought there was some blood to call the doctor.
So, I grabbed my cell phone and called my doctor's office. However, no one picked up. Not even an answering service. Wondering what the heck to do now, I thought that I might have a different number than their main number, so I googled my office and found the same number. I tried again, and this time, thank goodness, the answering service picked up. I told the poor woman who just wanted my name and date of birth everything that I was thinking and nervous about... and she told me the that the on-call doctor would call me back. As I was spilling my guts to the answering woman, Ryan woke up and called out to me. I went into the bedroom and explained what was going on, and jumped back into bed with my cell phone... (ok, I didn't jump, I couldn't have jumped if you paid me... I waddled my ass back into bed groaning the entire time!)
A few minutes later my phone rang and the on-call doctor listened to what I had gone through and said, "Ok, you know where Morton Hospital is, why don't you head here and we'll check you out to see what's going on." I asked him, "ok, should I rush?" and he said "No, no need to rush, take your time and we'll see you when you get here."
So Ryan and I got up, and we decided that even though this was probably a false alarm, we'd bring our bags. So we finished packing the bags, grabbed the GPS (because neither of us could remember how to get to the hospital despite our 4 previous trips!) and headed out the door. The whole way to the hospital, I kept saying, you don't have to go to work tomorrow on 3 hours of sleep, sorry if this is nothing... etc. about it not being the real thing.

We left our bags in the car, knowing we'd be headed home in about an hour and went in to admitting. The on-call dr. had let them know we were coming, so our check-in process was very quick and smooth.
Once we got to the labor and delivery unit, two nurses (Janet and Debbie) met us and were so sweet! They explained everything they were doing and calmed us down!
They hooked me up to a fetal monitor (monitoring the baby's heartbeat) and a uterine monitor (measuring for contractions.) They they did a "dipstick test" to see if my water had actually broken. The test was basically inconclusive, the second line that was supposed to show if the water had broken was very faint and they just couldn't tell. So, they called the doctor and he came up and said that he needed to examine me in order to tell. This was at about 3:45am now.
This exam was traumatic, maybe more for Ryan than for me! Metal clamps??! Really, you can't tell me that there is no better way to check a woman's insides than metal clamps!! But, thats what happened... So he checked, and said, "Hmm... I'm not so sure your water broke. And your cervix is closed tight. Oh wait, I think I see hair." Then he stopped the exam checked again, and said, "I need to do another exam just to check." Great, I thought, two for the price of one! Hello again, metal clamps!
"Yes, that is baby's hair..." (he was Indian, I'm bad with accents, forgive me!)
The nurses then took over.
"Ok, your water broke, you're here for good. We'll probably start potocin in a bit to get you contracting. Lets get you back on a monitor."
If you're wondering what the baby's hair has to do with my water breaking, so did we, so I asked.
Janet explained that my cervix was closed, so they couldn't really see much, but that if the baby's hair had been pushed through the cervix than something, the fluid, had done that pushing... so it was still attached to her head, but it had been pushed through!
So, they hooked me back up to the monitor and said, "Oh, you're having contractions."
And, I thought, "this is great, if I'm having contractions and can't even feel them, this is going to be so easy!!" HAHAHAHA so wrong!!
At that point my contractions were about 5-8 minutes apart, and I couldn't feel them so much.
They moved us from a "Labor room" to a "Labor and Delivery Room"... and we just hung out watching Saved By the Bell episodes for a few hours. At about 7:30am, I sent Ryan to get himself some breakfast.
At about 8:30am, I could definitely feel all the contractions and they were about 4 minutes apart, so the nurse checked me and I was 3cm. dialted and 90% effaced. They came in and took some blood and put an IV in. If you know me, you know that I have a very bad history with IV's (including veins that collapsed and episodes of passing out when just seeing someone with an IV) so this was almost the worst part for me. They tried 3 times to find a good vein, bruising 2 in the process, and finally got it in. Well, as always, I felt like I was going to pass out, so they had me breathing slowly, drinking water, and trying to calm myself down. It worked, and I prayed the feeling away!
We decided we'd call our parents and Becky and just let them know what was going on, but not to head to the hospital until we had the baby (we wanted time to spend with our new one, without worrying about people waiting for us.)
We walked the hall outside the labor and delivery unit for about an hour until my contractions were getting too much to stand up.
Ryan reminded me now, that I was peeing every few minutes at this point. (I forgot!)
We went back into the LDR room, and they checked me again, this was at about 10 or 10:30 am. At that point, I was 8.5 cm dialated! We were pretty happy that we had gone 5.5 cm in just two hours! However, with that came wicked strong contractions. So, the new nurse, Darlene (I kept calling her Dolores by mistake!) got me a yoga ball to sit on and breathe out the contractions. Which, if you want advice, I strongly suggest the birthing ball, it was great!! I sat on that on the end of the bed and Ryan massaged my back through each contraction, which were about 2 minutes apart at this point and really getting stronger.
They offered me an epidural and some pain meds, but I was determined to do this o-naturale! I had a hard enough time with the IV, the epidural itself made me want to pass out, just the name!! So I declined all drugs! I was even pissed that I was getting fluid through the IV, I told them if they took it out I'd drink all the water they wanted me to, but that didn't work!
So... at one point, maybe about 11am, I really had to go to the bathroom, but the nurse said, "let me just check you before you do that, you may be more dialated than we think and it might not be that you have to go to the bathroom."
So, she did, and she said, "Yeah, you don't have to go to the bathroom, you're fully dialated, and you're ready to push!"
Ok, in all the movies, the women are so happy to be ready to push and so set to push the baby out... not in this movie! I was scared shitless and didn't know how to push...
It took a few tries to get the hang of pushing.. well, I don't know that I really got the hang of it... I know that it killed!!
Ryan was awesome! I can't even put into words how much his support meant to me and got me through the whole ordeal, especially without drugs!
From telling me how proud of me he was, to rubbing my face and head with ice cubes and giving me water after every contraction, to telling me to keep pushing when I just seriously wanted to give up...and praying outloud with me for the pain to ease and the birth to come quickly... he's seriously the most amazing husband I could have ever asked for. Not that I didn't know that already, but a situation like this completely reminds you how lucky you are!
Finally, I gave it my all, pushed until I saw stars (literally) and honestly thought I was killing myself, and out the baby came!!
From watching the movies and A Baby Story, I had expected it when they told me to stop pushing for a minute and just pant, but this was a lot different when they said that... But I did, I panted like crazy and then pushed when they said to, and she was completely out... (see below for how this is relavent!)
Ryan was crying, I was crying and in awe to the point where i couldn't really comprehend, but I heard the nurse say, "its a girl" and totally perked up!!! A GIRL!!! I so badly wanted a girl!!!

They put her on my chest and I instantly fell in love... I know, it sounds cheezy, but its so true. Then, I got to shower!!! While the nurse was helping me shower, I heard Ryan on the phone and I heard him say, "oh yeah, I don't know why, they didn't even ask me if I wanted to cut it."
So I asked the nurse, how come Ryan didn't cut the cord.
Darlene told me that the cord was wrapped very tightly around her neck that the dr. had to cut it from the neck, he couldn't even unwrap her!! There was no time to ask Ryan to cut it.
I was so glad they didnt' tell us that, he just told me to pant and not push, so he could cut it and clamp it. We would have freaked if we thought there was something wrong.

The parts they don't tell you is the after birth process. I mean, the birthing instructor went over it, saying, after you deliver the baby, they want your uterus to contract, so they'll push on it and give you some potocin to contract it... but they POUNDED on my stomach to get it to contract... well, the problem is that I was bleeding too much and they were afraid I was hemoraging, so they had to work quickly to get it to contract.

Either way, they got it to do what it was supposed to and they were just monitoring me for a few hours afterwards... I was too focused on Madison to even really care, other than the fact that I was really pale!

After about an hour or 2, my parents showed up with roses and tears! They moved us to the Maternity ward and we were in our room by 3pm. They made me eat some lunch before I could do much, but I just wasn't hungry, I wanted to be with my girl!

And, I think the rest is probably boring to you all... like my battle with breast feeding that I'm still waging! The size c/d boobs are great but the pain of engorgement is soooo much that it's not worth the looks!! Hahaha... seriously though, the recovery for a birth is so much more than I thought it would be! if you know other recovering moms... be good to them, they're in a lot of pain!!

Well, I think that's the gyst of my experience... and I wouldn't trade one piece of it for the world! My next child will be a drug free birth too, I now know I can do it!