I could write a post every day about how amazing my husband is.  But it would nauseate most of you, so I don't.

I know I am blessed.  I thank God every day (literally, for the past 17+ years, I have ended my nightly prayers thanking God for Ryan) and I see from examples all around me that he is not a typical husband (is there such a thing?)

As I sit here typing this entry (at 1:19am) he is driving to a 24 hour CVS to pick up a prescription the on-call doctor just called in for a UTI that I had the pleasure of waking up to!  I had my jacket on and was headed out the door when he got up and said, "I'll go, you shouldn't be driving there in pain".  And off he went.  (Only after asking, "wait, where am I going" - we've never needed at 24 hour pharmacy in the time we've lived in this town)...
He's amazing on an every day basis - not just in emergency situation's too.  Lately, with me being pregnant, I am realizing how aware of my feelings and insecurities he is.  He knows that gaining the weight is a tough concept for me.  Don't get me wrong, gaining the weight is not tough for me - in fact, I've already gained more than I should - but accepting the weight gain and not freaking out about it - not exactly the easiest for me.  But he constantly tells me how beautiful I am, how much he loves what pregnancy does to my body and smiles every time he looks at my growing belly. 

One of the best things about me being pregnant is knowing that Ryan will be an incredible dad to another child.  I constantly look at him with Madison and think, "she has no idea how blessed she is".  I do tell her all the time, "you have the best Daddy - we're so blessed with him" but she can't get it - she hasn't seen other dad's in action enough yet, to really realize just how blessed she is. 
He is so wonderful with her and takes time away from EVERYTHING just for her.  This started when I was pregnant with her - he wanted to be at every appointment (not just the ultrasound appointments - which he's doing again with this little bundle too).
Being in grad school is tough enough - but he waits until she is in bed to do his work - because he doesn't want to choose that over her - or let it take time away from her.  He rarely plays his video games anymore - but when he does, it's after she goes to bed - he chooses to play with her rather than play video games if she's awake.  I often have to remind him - "Hunny, she can color in the same room with you if you want while you get work done" and he'll say "I know- I'll get it done when she's in bed" even if it means him going to bed at midnight (while waking up at 5:15am each day).
I'm pretty sure too, that he's the only dad out of the preschool dads that writes a love note on her napkin each day when he packs her lunch.  (The teachers all love that!!)

We are so blessed.  Thank you God for blessing us with him...

Fill in the blank...

I recently read a friend/coworker's blog and they had a few "I am "blank" because... I thought it was a great idea...

I am happy because...

I have an amazing family (extended as well as immediate)
I have achieved my ultimate goal of owning a home
My husband is my best friend and is an incredible partner
I honestly feel like the Lord is completely in charge and I'm ok walking along His path

I am sad because...

I think my sister short-changes her abilities and herself as a whole (and settles for less from people than she deserves)
Money is a huge issue for us right now and our debt is worrying me a lot
I see bullying going on as young as 4 years old and it scares me for my children and makes me sad

I am a good friend because...

I will always listen to you and encourage you to do what you love and what you know is right
I remember birthdays and am thoughtful
I pray for so many of my friends and believe that God hears me

I am not a good friend because...

I will always chose my family over my friends
Although I remember your birthday, I forget to send you a card
Some of my friends are ridiculously selfish and hurt my feelings often - and I let it go rather than being honest with them about it

I am bothered by...

People who talk about themselves non-stop (and take every opportunity to turn a story back to themselves)
People sharing their opinions and not thinking about how many people that might get hurt by that opinion.  Just because it is your opinion does not mean that it's fact or that other people need to hear it
People who talk more than they listen

I am inspired by...

People who see the beauty in even the smallest things
My daughter and her excitement in life
A good sermon in church
Students who constantly tell me how much I mean to them and how I've changed their lives
Charity and people determined to have an impact on others' lives

ho hum...

I haven't updated in a while simply because not too much has been going on...  Well, Thanksgiving weekend was last weekend and I would say it was probably one of the best I've had.  I took Wednesday and Friday off, so we had a 5 day weekend together.

We hosted Thanksgiving here at our house - our first time (obviously) in the new house and I think it went well.
Ryan's parents, brother and nephew came over.  My parents, sister and boyfriend and the three kids also came.  I was happy that our little house fit fourteen people comfortably. 
My mom and I split (a bit unequally - but split nonetheless) the cooking.  My mom cooked the turkey and stuffing (and turnip which only my dad eats!)  I did the mashed potatoes, squash and green beans.  My sister made a chocolate pie and a pumpkin chiffon pie and brought a huge fruit salad.  My MIL made an apple pie and rice.  Overall, the food was fantastic, the kids were so well behaved and we all had a great time.
My parents stayed over that night and we (last minute) decided to have Elizabeth stay over too!  Maddie and Elizabeth rarely get to play together without interruption - but this was such a great day/night for them.  They are so cute together and get along so nicely.  We couldn't say no when she wanted to stay over!!

We did something that night we've never done before and I hope we make it a tradition.  My mom and I got up at midnight (after going to bed around 10pm) and met Becky in Plymouth to do the Black Friday shopping!  We started at 1am at Target (when it opened).  I am not sure why were were surprised, but the huge line shocked us!! It weaved around the side and to the back of the exterior of the building.  People had been there since 7pm!! Nuts!!  We waited in the car with the heat on until the line subsided and made it inside about 10 minutes after the crazies who waited for hours!!

I had a specific list in mind and got great deals on everything I went for, so it was completely worth it for me!
We were at Target for about 2.5 hours.  After that we headed to Kohls.  (Last year I had gotten up at 3:30am and went to Kohls and knew that I could get the kids their gifts again this year).
All toys were 50% off, so I got just about all of the kids on our list done!

Becky went home after Kohls and Mom and I stopped into Walmart at 4:30am.  We didn't realize it but Walmart had just opened at 4am, so it was a MAD HOUSE!
There was no organization like that of Kohl's and Target, it was a complete free-for-all chaotic nightmare.  We grabbed the two leggo items we wanted and I think we cut people in line for the register, but we got out of there and were home by 5:30am.
I fell asleep at about 6am and then Maddie was up with my Dad (and subsequently woke me up) by 7:45am.
Take that first trimester!!!

Actually though, I think I suffered all weekend because of the lack of sleep.  I did take a little nap on Friday and a nap on Saturday (that was 2 hours long!)

Our town does a pretty decent job with a Christmas Parade on the Saturday after Thanksgiving and it goes by the end of our street.  So on Saturday we grabbed some chairs, walked the .25 miles to the end and watched the parade.  My hormones are clearly raging because for some reason, the marching bands had me tearing up.  I don't think there's anything emotional about a marching band so I have no idea where it came from - but of course, Ryan saw me and was loving every moment of that!!!

Sunday night we met up with our bffl's Mike, Tricia and Grayson and walked around LaSalette.  I plan to do this every year, regardless of where we live.  I love it, I have loved it since I was a child and feel that it is a great tradition.  I remember a few years when I was younger, the shrine was suffering for money and they didn't know if they would be able to do all of the lights each year.  Well, this year, that is certainly not the case.  They had hayrides, merry-go-rounds, fried dough stations, and there was barely enough parking even in their overflow lot.  The traffic was backed up about 6 miles down the road to get in!! I was so happy to see that it was doing that well.    

So that was our weekend.  It just made me very excited about our week off during Christmas break.  23 more days!! I can do it!!!

As promised (only a few weeks late!)

Here are the pictures from our New York weekend...

how cute are these two???

at the winery, playing around

Melissa was chasing them ... they loved it!

can you tell why Maddie absolutely adores Melissa?

yes, these look like scrotums, but we didn't care!

dancing girls!

I LOVE THIS PIC!!!  Clearly Maddie was so happy with them!

not sure why I'm the only one who looks happy!!

First comes love, then comes marriage... then comes baby #1, then comes a job, then a house, then baby #2...

And so here we are...

I think anyone could have predicted it this way.  We bought a 3 bedroom house for a reason - the timing was just our biggest concern.  I did not like having a baby in the middle of winter last time.  I felt confined to the house and barely took her out because it was so cold outside most of the time.  Plus so many people are sick in the winter, I worried a lot about her or myself catching something.
I knew our next baby would be a spring or summer baby.

In addition to the weather, Ryan has the summers off - so it really made sense to have a baby in the beginning of the summer so that we could spend the first few months with the baby together... But I do realize that God's timing doesn't always coincide with our wants... so planning this was going to be tricky...

We knew that I would go off the pill in June, (it's recommended to go off for 3 months before you start trying) so that's what I did.  We tried in August (because a May baby would have been fine - even though June was a better target)... and there were a few reasons it didn't work in August.  Firstly, I think my stress level was really high from work, we were not completely sure about my ovulation cycle at that point, and probably quit a little earlier than we should have...
So we tried again in September. 
When I knew that it was the day I should expect my period, I woke up at 3am and took a test.  I was practically jumping around the bathroom when that very faded pink line showed up!! Ryan and I were like kids on Christmas from about 3am-5am when he had to get up for work!!
From there, we kept going back and forth about how to tell and when to tell our families and my work. 
The only people we told at this point were our bffl's Mike and Tricia.  Tricia and I found out two weeks prior that we were both trying - so she knew when I was expecting to find out and I knew when she was!  (We're due 4 days apart!!)

My boss was really supportive (Summer is really my biggest responsibility time in my position, so although the timing is perfect personally - it's probably the least perfect timing professionally!)
We finally decided that at my half marathon, I would put "Baby's First Race... SURPRISE" on the back of my race number - and after I crossed the finish, I would flip the bib down to reveal our surprise to our families who were all going to be at the finish.

I was 7 weeks pregnant when I ran the half marathon.  I was very nervous that my tiredness (because I'm exhausted all the time now) would severely impact my pace - but much to my surprise, I stayed around a 9:30 mile and finished with my best time ever.  2 hours and 4 minutes.  I really wanted to beat the 2 hour mark - but I think if I were not pregnant, I could totally do that next time!

My Godmother was the first to see the bib and she immediately started crying... she was so happy for me.  She had been so supportive of my race training and it was perfect that she was there.  (She'd check in with me almost weekly reminding me that they'd be at the finish and to keep up the good work on my training - I loved the support).
Then my in-laws saw the bib next.  My father-in-law didn't read it so my MIL had to fill him in!
My parents were stationed on the opposite side of the finisher alley, so it took them about 15 minutes to come over to our side and when they did, they saw the bib and immediately teared up!!  My mom knew something was up because I was not calling her much and was very short on the phone when we did talk - I guess I was afraid I'd spill!!

Everyone came back to our house after the half and we all feasted.  Our bffl's Matt and Teresa came over too and we shared the news with them!
It was a perfect day and a perfect way to share the news.

Last Friday we had our first doctor's appointment.  The doctor was pretty sure that if I was less than 10 weeks along they'd not be able to find the heartbeat - but lo and behold, after searching for what seemed like forever - they found a very strong heartbeat!! THANK YOU GOD!!!

On Tuesday I had an early ultrasound (too early, they were hoping I was 11 weeks based on finding the heartbeat last week, but alas, I am 10 weeks, just like I thought)...  but we didn't care, we were ecstatic to see our peanut.  Literally, it looked more like a peanut than a baby but whatever, it's a beautiful peanut with a heartbeat, hands, feet, and a pretty big head!!

We couldn't be happier, Maddie is so excited and she tells me all the time how much she'll help me.  This morning she told me that she'd fold the baby's laundry for me... This was while she was scrunching up her laundry "helping" me fold it!

Our amazing weekend in NY!

Every time I go to post about our incredible weekend, I'm not at home (and that is where the pictures are) so I've not posted.
Well, I'm still not home, but I'm going to post now and update with pictures this weekend!

We had an incredible weekend in Long Island (or New Island, as Maddie calls it).

We left here around 4pm and due to a few things (one being Cape traffic, the other being rush hour, and the other being Yom Kippur) it took us over an hour to get through the city of Providence.  Once in CT, I couldn't wait for my guilty pleasure (any time we take along car ride, I allow fast food - McDonalds to be exact!)  I was practically drooling when we finally pulled up and although it has been probably six years since I've had one, I got a Big Mac.  Oh my goodness, I forgot how delicious those are!!!

Maddie was awesome in the car.. all 5.5 hours of it!  She watched Tangled on the dvd player and then a Strawberry Shortcake movie but then was done with the dvds.  A few times she asked when we were going to get to Melissa and Eric's, but other than that, she was completely content the entire way!

We pulled in at about 9:30pm (which was almost 2 hours after Maddie's bedtime, and she didn't nap at all in the car) and after they showed us around their gorgeous house, we all sat and chatted for a little while.  Their house is absolutely beautiful!! Granite counter-tops, brand new hardwood floors, two and a half bathrooms, fireplace, the master bathroom has his and hers sinks and is humongous!!  I instantly fell in love with the house.  And, if I didn't love Melissa and Eric so much, I would have been insanely jealous!!

Kate and Brett were at Melissa's parents' house (which is only .7 miles away *how awesome is that*) so they came over right after we got there.  I was just in my glory, so happy to be with all of them and chatting it up!!
I think it was almost 10:45pm when we finally put Madison to bed (which - she was not ok sleeping upstairs while we slept downstairs, so she slept in the bed with me and Ryan slept on an airbed - you know you're a family when this is the sleeping arrangement and everyone is actually pretty happy about it!  Ryan had a bed to himself, and I didn't mind sleeping with Maddie at all - we never let her into our bed, so it was kind of sweet!)


The next morning, our plans were to go to a winery and spend the day.  I had no idea that this would be phenomenal... but it was.  I pictured a place where everyone just tastes wine and buys a bottle and leaves.  No no no, this was a wide open area with picnic tables, farm animals, flowers, kite flying areas, and you bring your own food.  Melissa bought so much food and her parents brought lots of food too... there were exquisite cheeses (some I've never even heard of) and pasta salad, cold cuts, chips, hummus and crackers... we ate like kings!!  Those drinking wine went it and bought a few bottles and came out and enjoyed wine while we all chatted away.  Reilly and Madison were pretty content (they were able to run around, look at the animals, play with hoola-hoops, soccerballs, and people watch!)  I'm told the wine was fabulous!  As far as the company and food - they certainly were!

Maddie will tell you that there were cute little piglets that had just been born - and she's right.  These pigs were so small and looked as if they couldn't even fully open their eyes yet.  So cute!!

As much as we tried, the girls would not nap.  Instead, they had so much fun and both slept on the way home.

On the way home - we stopped at a little farm stand to get a pumpkin... Maddie would have liked to stay there longer - there was a lot for kids to do.

After the glorious day in the sun at the winery, we came home and the men fell asleep!  Then we went to Kate and Melissa's parents' house for a delicious italian dinner.  The girls were so cute playing together and dancing all around the living room!  After dinner we went to Yogurt Crazy.  If you've never been, you should!! This place is amazing.  It's a self serve yogurt place with a bunch of different soft serve yogurt flavors and toppings.  SOOO good!  After yogurt we went back to Melissa and Eric's and watched their wedding video from this summer.  It was so fun to see the whole thing again from a different view.

Sunday was nice too, the ladies went shopping at an outlet mall while the men did some grocery shopping to prepare for football!  Although we are diehard Pats fans, they are all diehard Giants fans!  We got home just after the Giants had started so we were able to catch both games.   Sunday night was a fantastic dinner of steak and veggies. So good!

Monday we enjoyed bagels from the bagel chalet and then packed up and headed home (not without a stop for McDonalds for a late lunch, of course!!)

Maddie kept saying "Mumma, I'm so happy.  I love Melissa and Eric and Kate, Brett and Reilly" and she does!!  Each morning, Melissa told her that when she woke up she could come upstairs and let us sleep.  Well, each morning, she was so excited to go spend time with Melissa upstairs!!  And I was so excited to sleep - I can't remember the last time I slept past 8am - never mind 2 days in a row!!

Overall, the weekend could not have been ANY better!  And, I will tell you... before we left, I was very stressed about money.  I didn't tell anyone that I was really nervous about it - I just decided, this is a weekend trip that doesn't come along often, so we'll charge what we have to and figure it out later.  (we just put the roof on our house - so that was all of our savings that we normally would have been using).
Well, when I described Melissa, Kate and their parents in this post, I didn't stress just how generous they are.  Not knowing any of my stress over money - just being themselves - they wouldn't let us pay for ANYTHING!  Not even the yogurt or coffees!! I felt so terrible at the time because we certainly didn't plan on them paying for all of that!!   But it was almost as if they read my mind and prevented so much stress.

We will never forget how wonderful they were and are!!

And, I'll post pictures soon!!

friend crush...

I had never heard this term until a few years ago, but I think it's funny.

"I have a friend crush on that person"... basically just means I would love to be their friend...

Well, let me tell you about my first friend crush!  and, yes, this might seem creepy to write a whole post about someone (or a few people) but they know how much I love them, so they'll get it!!
When I was an RD at RIC, I had a resident (she was the sister of an RA's girlfriend - follow that!).  Well, that's an important fact because that's essentially how we met.  Anyways, that's how this person came into my life - she was an RA's girlfriend's sister...

An RA (one of my favorites) came to me and said, "Amanda, I have a favor to ask - my girlfriend's sister is going to be a freshman here and she's living in your building.  Her parents are driving her here from Long Island and they're staying at a hotel tomorrow night and moving her in the next morning.  They're a little nervous leaving all of her things in the car in the middle of Providence overnight.  Is there ANY way that you would let them move her things in early just so they don't get stolen".  This was totally not allowed by the higher-ups (God forbid we help our incoming students and let their first impression be a good one).

So of course, because he was one of my favorites, I said, "sure.  Just let me know when and I'll have her door unlocked and get things ready for them".

Well, the next day I found a $20 under my apartment door and a thank you from the students' parents!  I told them I couldn't accept that but they wouldn't take no for an answer, so I bought my staff pizza!! (I felt bad keeping the money).

Once I met this student, my "friend crush" immediately began.
She's absolutely beautiful.  I don't just mean, "wow, she's pretty"  I mean, "WOAH! She's incredible!"  Not only is she beautiful, she's one of the nicest people I have ever met. People say that phrase all the time, "The nicest person"... I mean it.
You would think that someone who is so beautiful would naturally look around them and judge others for their imperfections.  But no, not Melissa.  Instead, Melissa finds perfections in everything she sees around her.  She gets the most joy out of the most simple things.  And she appreciates ANYTHING people do and say.  She can literally find the good in every situation, every person, every day.  And her positivity and optimism is contagious!

Ok, so back to how my crush became actual...after I met her, she applied to be an RA.  Then I snagged her and got her on my staff.
The summer before she started I found out (I can't remember how, maybe mypace) that her best friend had died suddenly of an infection of some sort.  I can't tell you how sad that made me.  Knowing a sophomore in college was just gone.  And thinking of her best friend who had no explanation and had to move on with life without her best friend.  So, I did some research, found her address and wrote her a little note, just telling her that I couldn't understand the pain she might be feeling, but that I would do my best to help her grieve and manage once she got to campus... It was the least I could do but I wanted to offer something...

That experience, losing a best friend, could have crushed someone at her age.  But not Melissa.  Instead, it gave her this attitude to never take life for granted.  To always show the people around you just how much they mean to you and to seize the day.  Tim McGraw's song, "Live Like You Were Dying" always makes me think of Melissa, because she really does enjoy each day and tries so hard not to take anything in life for granted.

I loved working with her and instantly felt a connection to her.  (ok, not in a creepy way - but as an RD you're not supposed to be friendly or "too close" with your RAs.)  Melissa was different.  She respected the Supervisor/Friend line that was in place and we grew close as friends and supervisor/supervisee.
She appreciated everything I did as her supervisor.  Once she was sick, and I think I checked in on her and got her cough drops or something and you would have thought I gave her $100!! She was so thankful.
This recognition and appreciation, of course, made me want to do more for her.  So, on her birthday I knew she wasn't going to be able to see her family, so I baked her a cake - well, I think she might have cried over that (and if you've tasted my cooking, you know that was unnecessary!!) 

I learned a lot about Melissa and her family - I learned that their family tie was probably the closest I've ever seen in my life before.  Being four hours away from home was really tough on her parents as well as it was for her.  I remember knowing that she was having a tough time being so far from her family and just wanting to offer some sort of comfort.  I had never gone that far from my family before, but could imagine how tough that would be.

Then I met her sister who was also beautiful and phenomenal as a person inside and out.  This family can't be real.  I mean, they can.. they are, but seriously... Their positive attitudes about life, love, beauty and enjoying each little thing that is given to them is such an inspiration.

I supervised her sister the next year and grew exceptionally close to her as well.  I mean, they watched my wedding video with me and cried with me...these were not typical students who worked for me....

I knew that our Christian faith had a lot to do with our connection, and even moreso now, I think that God put them in my life for reasons I may never fully understand.  I do know that being in grad school and working full time, I was very stressed - but having them on my staff (both years) helped me immensely.  

I can't forget to mention Brett, (the favorite RA I mentioned before, Kate's boyfriend who started this whole scene)... If there were another person like Ryan in this world, Brett is him.  The two of them are such great guys and I knew right away that he was a stand up man!
And Eric too, he's a prime reason to not judge people upfront. I completely thought that Eric was a jock (he is a basketball player and pretty quiet in large groups) but once I got to know him - I completely had him pegged wrong.  He's such a nice guy, he's got a great sense of humor - and we sat with his friends at their wedding this summer and they're hysterical!! (you can tell a lot about someone by the friends they keep!)

I feel like I've been through a lot with them.  ... I remember when Melissa started dating her husband... I was very skeptical.  I had watched another boy tear her heart apart and wasn't going to stand by and let that happen again (like I said, not my typical students)... but this one was different.  I eventually approved of him (once I stopped believing he was a jock!!)
I shared in their joy when Kate and Brett got engaged... I watched their engagement video and cried because I knew the joy that was ahead of them (they too met and started dating in their early teens).

When I left RIC, I was sad for two reasons.  I wouldn't be working with my best friend Tricia anymore, and I knew I'd never have another RA like either Kate, Brett or Melissa.  Our last night in Providence, I went out for dinner with them and I knew then that this would be a lasting friendship... It wasn't a "friend crush" anymore.  I was actually friends with her!! And friends with the family!! (This sounds so geeky, but whatever - that's what blogs are for right, to air your geeky laundry!!)

We've visited Kate and Brett a few times in PA since I left RIC and they came with their baby in June and stayed with us.  We have such a fantastic friendship and I cherish it so much.  In July Ryan and I went to Melissa and Eric's wedding (It was so wonderful) and spent time the next day with the whole family.  They all have welcomed us into their lives as if we've known each other our whole lives. 

Well, I am elated to say that Ryan, Maddie and I are vacationing to Long Island this weekend to visit with Melissa and Eric (and Kate, Brett, Reilly and baby to be)... and seriously, I don't think I've been this excited for something in a really long time.

I love being around them.  I love the conversations we have, and I love that there is no awkward silence no matter how much time has been between our visits.  I just love them.  I love their family, I can't wait for Maddie to meet their parents and for them to meet her.

I will leave you with some pictures so you can see what I mean!!

See what I mean?  This is Melissa with her niece, Reilly!

Brett and Madison (they came to visit when she was about 5 months old)

Brett, Kate, Melissa and Eric - see, don't you just want to be their friends?!?

This was two years ago in March (forgive the haircut!)

Seriously, are they not the most beautiful women?

Melissa and Eric met us in Boston in the summer of 08 - Maddie was so chunky!!

Pride

If you've read my last two blog posts, you know that dance class is a speed bump in the Surgens' journey right now.
 Yesterday morning, Maddie was starting to cry in bed and said, "Mumma, I don't like ballet"... This is her new thing.  When something makes her uncomfortable or nervous, she "doesn't like it"... So I said, "Hunny, you were so happy last week, you do like it."  To which she countered, "But I need you in the room.  I get so sad if you're not and I can't stop crying"...  So, I knew this week would not be the week that I was able to sit out in the waiting room with parents.  I knew it would be a battle.

And it wasn't... but I think we're getting somewhere...

It's a funny thing... I don't think I have the feeling of pride very often - it's just not something I'm used to.  But lately, as a mom, I've been experiencing emotional moments and they are pretty cool - pride-ful moments.

Today, i brought Maddie back to dance class.  We've compromised since her first class - the second class, I sat in the studio by the door the whole time - and she was fine.  No tears.
Today, (after our conversation about it yesterday) I told her I'd sit outside the door where she could just barely see me.  No tears.

While sitting outside the door, I could peek in and see that she was doing well and not crying - and she (all too often) could peek out at me and see that I was still there and not leaving her.

The first 20 minutes are spent in their tap shoes playing games that get them to shuffle, kick, and tap.  She listens so well to the teacher and really tries to make sure she's doing everything correctly (which is a lot more than I can say for other kids in the class!)

Then after 20 minutes or so, they switch to ballet shoes and play games getting them to point their toes, sit up straight, flex their feet and jump.  She has the children run around a lot and at one point I looked in and saw one little girl (Ava) holding Maddie's hand!!! They were running all over the studio (with the teacher) holding hands and laughing like they didn't have a care in the world!!! 
I was thrilled!!  THRILLED!! and PROUD!! Proud that my little girl was the girl that Ava chose to hold hands with.

I know that sounds silly, but as someone who was tortured as a child by other children (teased, bullied, made fun of for my looks mercilessly) , my biggest prayer and hope for Madison is that she is not a victim of childhood cruelty like I was and that other children accept and like her.  So, this small act of acceptance and inclusion was so meaningful to me.

After prancing around holding hands, they did another activity where they pretended they were at a river with an alligator in it - they had to jump from rock to rock and then over the river (practicing jumping)... Ava went first, and then sat on the mat they were told to do.  Maddie went after Ava, and as she finished, Ava patted the spot next to her and said, "Maddie, sit next to me" and when Maddie did, Ava reached for her hand and held it again.  I'm tearing up all over again retelling this... I was just so excited!!!
They skipped around again holding hands and my cute little innocent Maddie said, "do you want to be my friend"... to which Ava laughed and nodded!!

Oh the cuteness - and the relief and pride that I felt was so intense, I couldn't hold back the tears.  And I am not emotional like that - I'm usually not... But when it comes to my girl, I just want the best for her and I want her to have a pain free life (trust me, I know that's not possible - but avoiding the unnecessary pain like torture from other kids is what I really want for her!)

So, to say the least, today's dance class was a hit!!  I'm aiming to spend half of the time in the doorway and the other half in the waiting room at the next class.  (A little nervous because we're missing next week to spend the weekend with friends in NY - so I don't want the 'bond' between Ava and Maddie to be lost over the two weeks!!  I'm sure it wont, though, kids are funny like that!)

The funniest part is that when we got home, in the car as I was unbuckling her, Maddie said, "Mumma, I didn't cry today and I made a friend - that mean's I'm getting brave, doesn't it?"  Yes Maddie, it does!!

So, today was one of my proudest, what is your proudest moment?

Dance Class... Part 2

So excited prior to going in the line for the "Train to the studio"...




And then the teacher "Miss Michelle" came in and asked all the students to get into a line and form a train.

Maddie kept looking back at me with a petrified look on her face, as if to say "I'm not getting on a train with these people I don't know!" 


Just look at that little face!!



At that point, I knew that this might not be smooth sailing as I had once hoped...

And here they go in the train.... so fun, not threatening - right?

Well, I get settled in the waiting area (with about 10 other parents)... and then I hear what I thought might be a crying child.  Naah, I thought, she's too excited, must not be her.

To minutes later, "Amanda?" Asks the woman walking into the room - "yes" I respond - looking around and hoping there's another parent with the same name.  "We tried to give it a few minutes, but she's not stopping - I think if you sit in there, she might be better"...
Not stopping is right.  She cried through the ENTIRE 45 minute less on and clutched my leg the whole time.

When I asked her why she was crying, "I just missed you mumma"... and I told her I was right in the other room.  "No, please stay in here with me - I don't want to be a ballerina anymore" was her response.

Oy vey.  But, we're teaching her that if you commit to something, you don't quit until you give it a fair shot.
So, we're headed back next week.  I'll keep you posted on our progress (if any).

Dance class... Part 1

So, Maddie has been asking for months if she can take dance class and become a ballerina.  I know this was encouraged by my Mother in Law and whatever, if she wants to try something, I'm all for it.

So I went and dropped $160 on a leotard, tap shoes, ballet shoes and one month of lessons (figured we'd just do one month in case she hates it).

Saturday was her first lesson.

She got all dressed (we had bought a back-up leotard because the regulation one hadn't come in yet and she needed to have one for the start) so she started in one leotard and the regulation one was waiting for us at the studio - so she ended in another.

Anyways, she was excited and so cute waiting for the class to start.  One woman fit her into her new leotard and shoes and then they all had to line up to form a train and head into the studio.

She clearly was sizing up the woman.

See how excited she is??  


Stay tuned to see just how well dance class went!!

Random Musings

So when I'm running (which I'm doing a lot right now because I am training for a half marathon in a month) I think of so many great things to blog about....

Then I sit down at my computer hours later and can't remember a damn thing I wanted to post!

I do pray a lot on my runs.  I pray for my dad.  I know his test results showed no cancer and I'm so thankful for that - but I also know that bladder cancer is a bitch and keeps coming back - so I'm prayerful that it stays away from him.
I pray for my mom.  I think she's an amazing woman and I wish she could see herself through my eyes.
I pray for my sister.  I think that she could be a lot happier if she made better decisions for herself and believed in herself as much as I do.
I give thanks for Ryan.  I've never met another guy like him and I try not to wonder what I did to deserve him but I just give thanks and pray that the love we share never fades.
And, I give thanks for Madison.  She's so amazing and sometimes so challenging.  I try to have patience with her (she's just like me!) and I want to be a great mom to her. 

Praying during my run makes the run go by a little quicker. Or at least that's what I tell myself.  My Saturday run was not fun.  In fact, a little known fact about me is that I don't actually LIKE running.  I love the feeling I get when I'm done with a good run.  I love being in races.  And I do love that I have at least one half hour of alone time.  It's one half hour where there is no one asking me a question, demanding anything from me, or needing me.  But during the run, its not like I'm all smiles and happy.  I'm usually exhausted.  I run anywhere between 5-6am so I'm half asleep most of the time!  But my training is obviously paying off.  My pace has decreased so that I am running a 9 minute mile or less.  My 10 miles this weekend was 9.03min/mile and I was actually at 8:33 for the first 6.5 miles.  Yesterday, my run was 4 miles long and I was at 8:34 the entire run.  Today, 5 miles and I was at 8:45 the whole time.   I'm proud of myself.  Proud that I have stuck to this hobby that I started three years ago to simply lose baby weight. 

One random thing I do remember from my run this morning was thinking:  I'm odd sometimes!!
This was because I had just seen my favorite amount of change on the dryer before I left the house and then I got to thinking - that's weird that I have a favorite amount of change.  But I do.  In the spirit of this thought, I'll list some random musings about myself for your enjoyment:

• My favorite amount of change is $.41 (and yes, there is a reason - if you can figure it out, you win!!)
• My bed MUST be made each morning - no exceptions.
• I clean like a mad woman when I am stressed.
• I am a horrible photographer and almost always forget to take pictures on picturesque days
• I stopped getting my nails done a few years ago and do them myself because I think I do a better job than the salons!
• I sweat like crazy when I eat ketchup - but I love ketchup and eat it on so many things.
• I fix the towels in the bathroom every time I go in there.
• I do the same with the pillows on the couch.
• I cry when I'm stressed.
• I try so hard not to judge others, but I still do it (and beat myself up for it afterward).
• I am terrible at geography but fairly decent at math (I did major in it!)
• I am extremely thrifty.  I wont pay more than $15 for almost any article of clothing unless it's a big occasion.
• I don't love babies.  I wont ask to hold your baby, I wont get excited when one comes in the room, and they make me a little nervous.
• I do enjoy being with toddlers - I feel like I can reason with a toddler, therefore they are a little less intimidating.
• I often have a hard time forming an opinion on something until I've heard the opinions of others (on both sides of the argument).
• I love bruschetta. Especially Trader Joe's.

That's all of my randomness for today.  I'm sure there will be more. 

Work

Is consuming my life and preventing me from having energy to blog.

This week, each day I have been into work at about 7:15-7:30am and stayed until after 5:30pm each night - and I could have stayed later.  why?  Because if I want the Early Arrivals Process to go well (students moving in to campus prior to opening day) then I need to stay to get everything ready!
We have 670 people moving in earlier than opening day.  This is insane to me!  At my last school, there were only 800 total residents!!  This is about 1/3 of our student population moving in before opening day!!

I have two co-workers (one is actually a student) that have completely helped me and guided me through this new portion of my job.  Without them, I'd be a goner!!

On top of work - I'm training for my next half marathon... so days where I have to be into work for 7:15, I am up at 5am to run my miles and then I'm up doing work at home until about 10pm. 
I'm not trying to complain.  I love my job.  Right now, being new still and not having anyone tell me what I'm doing, is not enjoyable.

And now I need to go label some inventories!

Hopefully next week I'll have more time to blog... and then maybe people will regularly check this thing again...

Daunting task

When you haven't updated in over a month, that's what the blog becomes... A Daunting task...

I am finally rolling my sleeves up and getting dirty - here's your update.

Well, we've been living in our new home for a little over a month.  We really couldn't be happier.  Our closing was pushed back a full week, but we believe that was God taking control.  We had so much more help than we would have, had it been the week earlier (and trust me, we're pack-rats and needed a lot of help). 


On Thursday, May 26th, we closed at about 2pm and met the former owners of our cute little home.  Mary and Ricky.  (they're going through a divorce, but were pretty amicable for the closing purpose).  They were very nice, filled us in on a lot of the info we should know being new to Middleboro.  Their kids have been in the school system their whole lives, and are good kids, so they were giving us advice about the schools and the local area.  We actually joked around a lot with them and I felt like we'd totally hang out - if the circumstances were a little different.

We left the closing, went to our apartment and loaded up my car and Ryan's Dad's truck with as much as we could before we headed to the house. I took the paint that we had bought a week earlier and Ryan got a ton of other things.  I got to the house first and went around to the passenger's side door, opened it, and out fell two cans of paint; one of them pouring all over the driveway.... I stood there... What the heck should I do?  So I whipped my rings off and stuck my hands in the paint trying to grab the lid of the can and attempting to push it back on the can and flip the two over.  Welp, that didn't go over as planned, in fact; it only made the spill worse and let more out of the can!! Yikes... nice first day!!

Ryan pulled up just as I got the can upright... His face was priceless.  To that I said, "Welcome Home?!?"
After asking how it happened and laughing at me, his response:  "I am so glad that wasn't me that did that!!" 

Luckily, it was the paint for the spare room, and not the kitchen or other two bedrooms.  That night, we started painting.  We painted one full coat in Maddie's room, and one coat in our room.  Then went back to the apartment to sleep.  The whole time at the apartment, we just wanted to be at the house!  That next day, Ryan had to work and I had the day off.  I went shopping and bought some things that we needed and met Ryan at the house after work to continue painting.  Matt and our friend Erin came to help paint.  We got the second coats in the bedrooms painted and both coats in the kitchen done as well. They were so helpful.
We decided to put an airbed on the floor and sleep in our house that night!  We loved it, regardless of the fact that most of our things were at the apartment, we still were so happy to be in our own home.

The next day we got up at 7am and headed to the cape.  My parents had a bedroom set, couch, end tables, etc. that we needed to get.  We picked up the Uhaul in their town and met my sister and her boyfriend at my parents house to load up.  They helped us load everything and then we headed to the house.  Erin and Mike met us at the house and helped unload that first load.  Erin stayed at the house and cleaned my bathroom while we took the Uhaul to the apartment.  We loaded up a full truckload at the apartment (Justin, Mike G, and Matt met us at the apartment to load us up).  Seeing the back of the Uhaul completely full gave me such anxiety, I almost had a panic attack when we got to the house - thank goodness Erin was there and talked me down.  It just seemed so daunting especially knwoing we had so much more left at teh apartment adn we were getting things from other people as well.

after unloading that first load from the apartment, the guys went to Ryan's co-worker's house and got a sectional, two hutches, a desk and i think there was something else too!  Then they came back and unloaded.  The whole day, Erin and I were making pizzas and handing out beers so everyone had a little something to eat and drink (it was really the least we could do to provide some food for the awesome friends that took their Saturday on Memorial Day Weekend to help us!)
We were getting two reclining couches from our bff's parents, so after unloading that load, Ryan and the guys all went back to the apartment and loaded up the majority of the things that were left.  From there, they drove to Woburn to pick up the couches.  Mike and Erin were the lone survivors at this point. So Mike and Ryan drove back home and unloaded the couches into the house along with the remaining items from the apartment.  By this time it was about 10pm.  once we got things in the house and the Uhaul totally empty, it was about 11:30pm and Ryan and Mike returned the Uhaul.  Knowing we only had 60 miles included with our rental, I was dreading when that bill came in. 

Erin and Mike left at about midnight and Ryan and I made the bed and cleaned up a little (as much as you can with boxes everywhere!) and went to bed around 1:30.  The next day, we got up and started unpacking as best we could.  Around 10:30 we headed back to the apartment to get any leftover things (which there were a lot!).  Erin and Mike came by and asekd if they could help... Are you kidding, I figured they'd have steered clear after all they did for us the day before, but no, they came back for more!!! 
Mike and Tricia came back and helped us pack up the rest of everything and then helped us unload and unpack. 
We spent all weekend unpacking and getting settled in...

The Monday night, Ryan went to the Red Sox game and I went crazy unpacking and setting the upstairs up!  He got home and couldn't believe how much I had done.
The next night, Bill and Cynthia came over and we went to dinner at this great little pizza place that is .25 miles away.  After dinner, they helped us set up "man town".  We were determined to get it done because on Wednesday there was a pretty important hockey game on and Ryan wanted to have the guys over to watch it in his new "man town".
We did, and it looked great for the game!

We still have a godo amount of stuff in boxes and in the garage, but we're slowly unpacking all of that.  We're going to have a Yard Sale at the end of July so we want to sort through everything by then.  I like having the deadline because it forces me to stick to it.

The pictures are on their way, I do promise. 

We're still fixing things up - it's certainly a fixer upper.  We are just finishing the back deck which was a project in itself!! Ryan messed up his back while building it, his dad smashed his thumb, I passed out due to seeing Ryan in pain... it's been quite the ride!!

We want to redo the bathroom next - however, the waterline from the street into the house needs to be replaced before we can do the bathroom - so that is happening in two weeks.  then we'll work on the bathroom.

The roof needs replacing and we have 2 of 4 estimates back - so we'll schedule that for the fall.

We're slowly making it ours and turning it in the house of our dreams. 

So that's the update...

Happy 4th of July... thank you to all who serve so that I may enjoy my freedom!!

new job, new house, new half-marathon

Clearly, there's been a lot going on.

Firstly, I didn't blog about this yet, because I was afraid to say too much... But we found a house in the beginning of April (well, as you read prior, we found many houses...) this one was not what we were wishing for or what we really wanted... instead it is what we need.  It has 3 bedrooms, a back yard, a deck, and a finished basement.  So, we put an offer in.  They countered, and we accepted.  We signed the first P & S in early April.  We had a home inspection performed, and due to the need for some repairs, we talked them down a few grand, and signed the final P & S in late April.
We went through a great deal of paperwork sending with our mortgage broker and due to a delay in some of that paperwork, our closing was postponed from yesterday to next Wednesday or Thursday.
We have been packing for what seems like months and now we're trying our best to not have to unpack too much due to the week delay.
We're excited - but this is certainly a "fixer-upper" so there's a lot of work that will go into it.

That's the house update...

The job update is that I'm finally just an Assistant Director and not an RD anymore.  My last few days were SOO busy and stressful.  I had a complete breakdown on Ryan last week after a few stress filled days.  I had tried to please too many and in the end, wound up missing a few steps and felt terrible about it.  Lately, with all the changes going on, the added responsibilities, the money worries, etc, I've felt like I just can't be a good mother, wife, friend, daughter, and employee all at the same time.  Its been a bit overwhelming and it all came to a head the other night.
Luckily, I have an amazing husband who listened, encouraged, and helped me wrap my head around things enough to see the silver lining in all of the challenges.
I woke up the next day ready to face my desk and all of the work that I left sitting there.  I also had a meeting with my boss that day and she was extremely encouraging and supportive.  so... I'm back to feeling good about things and ready to take each challenge head on as is my style!

As far as the half marathon... I did it... and I beat my time!!

I'll detail as best I can how it went...

We drove up on Friday night.  It's a three hour drive from here to my parents' friend's house on Lake Winnepesaukee so we left at 4 and stopped for some greasy dinner at McDonald's and got there at 7:30.  I am not ashamed to admit at all that I love McDonald's!!  The only time we ever go there is when we're on road trips, so I was actually looking forward to it!!  I didn't even consider, until the quarter pounded was almost devoured, that eating that might be a very poor life choice the night before a half marathon.... Oh well, live and learn, I figured!!

My two besties from work, Erin and Erin were doing the half with me.  Erin and her Hubby Mike, (whom Ryan gets along great with - but really, he gets along with almost everyone) got there about three minutes after us.  Erin had gone to the race site and picked up our race packets for us and then they went for dinner and met us at the house.  Erin K had dinner plans with friends in Laconia, so she arrived about an hour after we did.
The house we stayed at is my parent's close friends' cottage.  It's a three bedroom, two bathroom, gorgeous house on the lake.  We couldn't have been happier.
We all went to bed around 10:30-11pm and of course, I barely slept all night.  When I awoke for the sixth time and saw that the clock read 4:52am, I gave up on attempting any last zzzzs and got up.  We had some very tight race jerseys to wear- so I outfitted myself, got my protein shake ready, my banana and gatorade packed... then I pinned my bib on, threw my gu packs in my pocket and was sick to my stomach a few times (hey, it happens, I deal with my nerves my own way!!)
Erin and Erin were up at 5 also and we headed out at 5:30am.
It took us an hour to get to the race site.  Once we got there, we found the Make-A-Wish tent and I can't even tell you how wonderful those volunteers were.

As a fundraiser (Wish Racer) you are given private port-a-potties, which, I might tell you, was totally worth the fund-raising.  Although we did have to wait in a small line, it was nothing compared to the other port-a-potties. 

The absolute best part of this whole experience is that my parents decided to make a weekend of it, and took their motor-home to NH to come and watch me race.  Its one thing to be proud of yourself and do something for you... it's another to have your parents see you do it and feel the pride too!  And they did.  And that wiped me a way!

Back to the race.

After meeting a recipient of Make-a-Wish, Meaghan (who was about 13 years old and I didn't ask what life-threatening illness she had, but she was amazing) we got in line to start the race.  At 8:04 the race began.  We started off at a very slow pace, but Erin, Erin and I all ran together for about a mile or so.  (the finish line was about 1.75 miles away from the start). Erin C and I continued at her pace without Erin K because she was injured and planned to walk the majority of it.

It was chilly when we first got there, so I kept my running jacket on but after that mile, I knew I didn't want it for the rest of the race.  Luckily, my parents were already waiting at the finish line - so we prepped (Erin C and I) to throw them our jackets when we went by them...
As we approached that area, I spotted mom and dad immediately and noticed that my mom was holding a sign.  How amazing is that.  I've run so many races and seen family members hold signs encouraging their runners and here they were, holding a sign that boasted about me!!  Immediately I got emotional!!!  We threw our jackets at them and continued running!!  I could tell both Mom and Dad were overcome with the adrenaline that occurs when spectating a race like this and I was so excited to have them witness this!

At that point, Erin and I decided that we couldn't run together for much longer.  Erin's pace is a bit slower than mine, so I sped up a bit and she continued on at her pace.
The first three miles were awesome.  Just completely straight and the weather was gorgeous.

At about mile 5 I remember thinking, I'm already one third done and I feel great!!  I always carry a mini gatorade with me so I was holding that and I had my phone on my arm but wasn't listening to music - but didn't mind.  There were a few people cheering on their runners along the course and I just really enjoyed the scenery.

At mile 7 there was a pretty big hill and I thought, "ok, this is where the pain begins".  And it did.  Not terrible pain, but a small side-stitch.  I prayed to God to just keep it manageable and not make me slow down.  As always, my prayer was answered.  I was able to manage it with my breathing and I did slow a bit, but not for long.  I have found that if I consentrate on my breathing and slow my pace a little for about five minutes or so (at least a half mile) then the cramp usually subsides.  And it did.  Thank you God.
After mile 7, from about 8-10.5 there was small hills but they were over with so quickly, that I couldn't get upset about them!!
I ate one of my Gu's (which is an electrolyte gel) at about 7.5 miles.  I didn't really need it, but I thought, "I'm half way, so I might as well take one to keep my energy up".  I talked to a few people running along the way - mostly because out of over 1000 people running, only 55 of us raised money and had the jersey on.  So a lot of people asked me "how much did you raise?" when they saw me coming.

My pace was awesome for me... I didn't keep my app going on my phone but I knew that my pace was at about 10 minute miles from just the way I was feeling throughout the race.  At 10.5 miles, I realized that I still had another Gu left and I was still feeling incredible.  With only 2.6 miles left, I thought, "what the heck, I'll eat this one now."  So I did.  And then there was a pretty big hill, but it was over a gorgeous waterfall alongside a beautiful mountain, so I couldn't even grumble about it!!

Then at about 11.25 miles I started praying.  I remember praying, "Thank you God for giving me the ability to do this.  Thank you for the support of my family.  Thank you for the health of my parents and for them being here.  Thank you God for blessing me so richly."  And then I got pretty emotional just thanking the Lord for all I have.

A few times throughout the race, I pictured my parents waiting for me at the finish and I would tear up... At about 12 miles, I pictured them again and I really started crying... I was actually sobbing a little - and think about when you're sobbing, you tend to gasp for air.  Well, that doesn't exactly work when you're in a breathing rhythm and your heartrate is elevated.  So, something happened after 12 miles.  I could not get a hold of my breathing and got light headed.  Then I really got dizzy and was fairly certain I would pass out.  When I say fairly certain, I mean at the point where I knew I was about a half mile from the finish (because I could hear all the cow bells and the dj) I looked around me to see who I could tell that I needed help.   At that point, I saw the bright stars that I usually see right before I am about to pass out and it scared the shit out of me.  I move over to the left of the road and stopped.  I gasped a few times just begging to catch my breath enough to finish.
I was SO CLOSE to finishing and SO frustrated that I couldn't just run and feel as awesome as I had the whole race.  My heart was pounding and you know that feeling when your heart skips a beat and you feel that weird flutter of it catching up to itself?  That's what was happening - over and over.  It didn't normalize.  But I was SO CLOSE.  So I decided to jog a little and begged my body to cooperate.  I begged God, please don't let me make a scene out of this, please just let me finish before I pass out.
I ran a very slow jog for the last stretch.  I saw the clock about .25 from the finish and it read 2:11:45.  I still had the stars around the outside of my vision, and I was forcing air in through my nose and out through my mouth and I could feel my heart beat in my ears like base drums.
Suddenly, I heard, "And coming in to the finishing stretch from Bridgewater, Massachusetts is Amanda Surgens" from the dj.  I smiled at the hundreds of people clapping and cheering even though my eyes were frantically searching for my family.  Just before the actual finish line, on my right I could see them and I heard them.  My Mom's voice sounded just like it did on the field hockey field in high school, "GO AMANDA!!!"  I looked at them and tried my hardest to smile and look incredible as I knew my dad and Ryan were taking pictures.    I always raise my arms above my head at the end of a race in victory.  I tried to raise them... and they barely went above my waist... I just couldn't.

But I passed the finish... I made it...

I walked around the back to meet them on the side.  My mom saw me and walked to me.  I love that she didn't care how gross and sweaty I was and she hugged me.  She was holding another sign, this one different, but still boasting for me!  She had tears in her eyes and told me that my time was 2:14.  She saw that I was not ok and asked what was going on.  "I can't catch my breath" I told her.  "take a bunch of really deep breaths and sit down." So I did.  and it actually worked.  My heart kept racing for about 25 minutes, but I was already feeling so much better than I had been.

After sitting for a few, I realized that I hadn't hugged my dad yet.  He was still standing over near the finish.  (I had hugged Ryan and Maddie who had come right up to me when I sat down)...  i walked over to my Dad and realized he was completely filled with emotion.  The amount of pride I felt at that moment is indescribable.  He too had tears in his eyes and he was beaming.  I loved it!  I loved having my parents there.  Absolutely loved it.

Erin C finished about a half hour after I did and Erin K after that.  Mom and Dad left to have lunch and they were going to meet us back at the lakehouse in the afternoon and we'd have dinner together that night.

The after-race party was great and they even offered free beer!!  Unlike Erin C, I can't eat much after a race.  she, on the other hand could eat a large pizza and a full Sundae!!  So, we grabbed some food, beer and sat by the lake for a while.

Overall, I had an amazing race.  I felt phenomenal throughout the majority of it - way better than I did throughout my last half!  I can't wait to do the half in October and will be so excited to run it with my sister.

I will leave you with a few pictures....

madison loved the beach in front of the house

throwing my jacket at my parents

at the finish, this was my attempt to raise my hands up

erin c, me, erin k

post race hug

emotional parents

waiting for me to finish

trying to catch my breath...

she's my biggest fan