Pregnancy and Parenting Advice

Everyone gives it to you, wanted or unwanted. When you're pregnant, everyone who has ever been pregnant tells you how it was when they were pregnant, what you should and shouldn't do, and how to live your life.
When you're a new parent, everyone who has had children tells you what they did and how they did it...

Most of the time, this all comes at you when you never even asked in the first place.

So, for those of you who didn't ask, I am not going to shoot my advice your way... I will leave it here and you can read it if you would like to.

My pregnancy advice:

On the topic of drinks: I gave it up if they said I should. And Maddie had all of her pieces when she came out! I didn't smoke, never have, wouldn't have if I had. I gave up caffeine, which was tough! I went from two or three cups a day to nothing! Not even decaf unless I was really craving it!
Artificial sweeteners, I didn't touch them! No diet soda, no sparkling flavored water, nothing! I didn't drink soda because I was already gaining a ton of weight, I didn't want the extra sugar or calories. Alcohol, I forgot what it even looked like! Occasionally I would kiss Ryan just after he'd taken a sip of beer or put my lips to the bottle just to get that taste! I'm not an alcoholic by any means, but I do love my beer and wine!
I drank water. Or seltza water. Or milk.
Don't get me wrong, they say you can have one or two of all of those drinks a day and your baby would be fine. But really... if there is a chance it could harm the baby, why would I even chance it?

On the topic of stretch marks: I used cocoa butter pretty much daily. And it worked. Until the last three weeks. I had NO stretchmarks until my body just couldn't accommodate the growing anymore! And then they came. On my thighs, stomach, back and breasts. No amount of cocoa butter helped. BUT... for those that are fearful of these stretch marks... don't worry too much, I'm just about back to my normal size, and they're barely noticeable at all.

On the topic of exercise: I was at the gym on the treadmill at 7pm the night I went into labor. (My labor started at 1:45am that night) I was always active, and with the exception of months 4-6 of my pregnancy, I wasn't going to change that. And didn't. I just modified what I did and kept my OB aware of what I was doing.

On the topic of sex: Well, as much as I would have liked to while I was pregnant, I couldn't from month 5 on. I had Placenta Previa (a condition where your placenta is much lower than it should be, and sex could cause it to break or damage it - so it's out of the question)... So my thought is, if the doctor says it is safe and you feel up to it... go for it!

On the topic of weight gain: I hated it. I hated the way my body was growing and I couldn't control it. But I worried way too much over it. I was so afraid that my body wouldn't go back to the way it was. I just figured, there is no way I can be getting this big and go back to my old self. And part of that was true, I wont lie. My hips expanded and have never gone back, but really, the rest of me has pretty much gone back to its old self. So, don't sweat the weight gain. Just make sure you're healthy while you're gaining, and you wont have issues losing. I enjoyed eating when I was pregnant, I used it as my excuse to eat the foods I don't allow myself to indulge in now... so i gained 55 pounds. I have since lost it.

As far as when the baby arrives. Everyone will tell you that you can't expect what you'll feel and you have no idea what's coming. They're right.

I have never felt so stupid or as if I knew absolutely nothing, as I did when I first became a mother. If you're planning on nursing the baby... get ready to be as patient as you possibly can. I was not ready for how mentally exhausting that whole process could be. You have no way of knowing if they are getting enough (or anything at all) and no way of knowing if you're doing it right. You're attached to your child for the time that you are nursing, both literally and figuratively. I couldn't leave the house for the first three months of her life, because every time I went to leave, I'd have to come back because, "she's crying so much, I think she's hungry"... UGHHH!!! I honestly didn't spend more than 5 minutes (and that was usually just in the shower) away from my baby until she was about three months old. I tried, don't get me wrong. I remember one time, I was going to go down the street to CVS just to get out of the house. It was a huge occurrence, I had not gone out alone in two months... I got to my car, started it, and the cell phone rang. "Hunny, I'm so sorry, but she wont stop crying, I think she's hungry"... She had just eaten right before I left. She had colic, which we didn't know until about 6 months into it, so we were constantly trying to figure out what was wrong with her! I never did get to CVS.

We were told by our lactation consultant not to use binkies or bottles until she was at least three months old. At 10 weeks, my breasts were bleeding and red raw because she was using them as a passifier. It was the only way she'd stop crying. So finally, after many shed tears and feeling like a terrible mother, we gave her a binky. Part of her colic was crying from midnight to 8am some nights... which led to me crying from about 2am to 8am... part from exhaustion, part from feeling like a failure.

Which leads me to my next segment:
On a pediatrician: If you don't love them, leave them. And don't wait until the baby is 12 months old like we did. Maddie had colic and our pediatrician made us feel like we were just complaining about not getting sleep. He was not good. We didn't know any better though. There are too many pediatricians who are great to suffer through one who isn't.

There are also tips that I have, these tips I learned from experience and many times from screwing something up and learning how to make things easier on myself.

The first... if you formula feed (which we eventually did both; nursed every other feeding and formula fed the others) invest in a good thermos and ALWAYS have piping hot water in it as well as a regular bottle of water. Always pack a few bottles with formula wherever you are going, even if it is a 5 minute trip to dunkin' donuts. You never know when you'll need it!! We had this thermos and it would keep water hot for about 20 hours. Then we invested in this. You can pre-portion out your formula before you leave the house. We just always made sure it was full and then we were set for any outing. Its fabulous!!!

The second... I don't know why it took me forever to figure this out, but swings and seats are movable for a reason!!! I used to try to wait until Maddie was napping to shower... and that wasn't often, especially when she was colicky... But then I realized I could pull the swing into the bathroom and it actually calmed her, having her hear the shower noise and even when she was screaming, she was going to scream whether I was in the shower or not, so I might as well combine it with my shower time!
Then, my sister bought us this seat... it vibrated and played soothing sounds at the same time... Maddie loved it... We'd put that in the bathroom while showering too, and almost every time, she'd fall asleep!

The third... teething... it sucks!! There's no two ways about it... There are these little mesh things you can buy and put ice cubes in them for the baby to chew on. SO GREAT!!
I didn't know you weren't supposed to freeze teething rings either, just put them in the fridge and they do the same thing...

I'm going to keep adding to this list as I think of things... so if you're interested and think this has helped at all, come back to it and you might learn more.

Also I changed my settings so everyone can comment on here... I had a reader let me know that they couldn't comment... and here I was thinking I only had one reader!!

I love my daughter....

So I just re-read my first post ever... I forgot how tough the first few months were for me...

Its a lot easier and I'm much more comfortable with Maddie now. She's still a handful, don't get me wrong. Still tries to throw tantrums when she doesn't get her way and can be really fresh sometimes, but I think I'm better at handling her; which makes things so much better for us.

She's very cute though and she says some of the funniest things! I was standing up on a chair this morning trying to open the window and she calls out (with her hand pressed up against her lips as to make herself sound louder) "Careful Mommy"...

You just have to laugh at that! Well, I do anyways...

And she's learning things at a ridiculous rate! She's a little confused about her gender identity though! She'll walk right into the bathroom when Ryan's going, and so obviously, she looks up and wonders what in the world it is that she sees, so we're using the correct terms for anatomy.
We've told her many times that Daddy has a penis and she has a vagina. But she still gets confused.
In the tub, she'll look down, touch herself, and knowingly look up and say, "oh yeah, Penis".
No no no Maddie, only boys have a penis. You have a vagina. "oh right, gina"...

Then if I take her into a public bathroom when we're out to dinner or something, she comes in the stall with me (obviously) and she'll point to mine and say, "penis... no no no, momma, gina." The poor women in the stalls next to us are probably wondering what this hermaphrodite is doing in the bathroom with them!

Its funny, this learning thing. There are some things she hears once and will remember it weeks down the road.
For instance. Her birthday was the first time she had heard anyone sing "happy birthday". Then I don't think we sang it around her again until June, Elizabeth's 4th birthday. Then not again until this month, it was my mom's birthday. On the way down to visit my mom, I said, "Maddie, we'll have to say "Happy Birthday" to Mimi and sing to her" and I sang the song.

Well, that was what, three times she's ever heard that song.
Yesterday, it was our friend Bill's birthday. I asked Ryan if he had talked to Bill and reminded him that it was his birthday and from across the room, Maddie starts to sing (not exactly in the right tone but still), "happy birthday to you..."

Ryan and I looked at each other in amazement! It's just so fun, her learning!

Ok, I think I've bragged about my child enough for one day.

Will we ever be satisfied?

I often wonder... when will I feel like I have it all and couldn't ever ask for any more?
I mean, in life, right now, I have it great!

I have the best family anyone could ever even dream up. My parents are so supportive, are not overbearing, and are happily married after 30something years... My sister is the most amazing woman I know with a family that I just adore. My husband is the most incredible man I've ever met and many days I wonder how in the world I got so blessed and lucky to have him. I'm a mom to a healthy and adorable little girl. I love my life.

When I was dating Ryan, all I wanted was to be married. I thought, oh, to be married... I just know I'd be completely satisfied with my life if I were married.

Then I got married and was so happy. But thought, oh, when I have a child, I know I'll feel completely satisfied.

Now that I have a child, I am waiting on a point in my life where we can buy a house. I can just feel like I'll be completely satisfied then...

But what happens after that? Another child? A bigger house? A garage (if the first one doesn't have one?!)

Lord, help me to be satisfied with the blessings you have given me, and not always crave more.



So funny story:
Ryan and I say grace before dinner. We usually hold a hand of each other, and I put my hand out towards Maddie's high chair or booster, whichever she has decided she wants to sit in that night, but she doesn't hold my hand. At first, when we started holding hands and saying grace, about six months ago, she would pull her hand away, so I just never pushed it.

The other night we went out to dinner, and I'll be honest, we forget when we're out to dinner to say grace. But right after our drinks were served, Maddie grabbed Ryan and and my hand then looked up and said, "Amen".

The two of us nearly fell off the booth seats!!! How cute is that!
So, now, she holds her hand out to say grace when we sit down!! So funny!!

how'dya like them apples

We took Maddie apple picking yesterday. So much fun. I love the fall activities now that we have her and she's old enough to love them. She did love it too. She couldn't understand why all the apples were on the ground though.

Summer is over....

I love summer.

It is and always has been my favorite season. Besides the great weather and the fact that I'm always cold, so 85 degrees is perfect for me, I love the family time that happens in the summer.

Growing up, summer was spent as close to heaven as I think I'll ever get. Camp Dennen. The summer started with Becky and I heading down with Dad on the last day of school (in the afternoon or the next morning) while mom stayed home for a few days and thoroughly cleaned the house. (What I wouldn't give to have two or three days alone in my house to completely clean and purge a ton of stuff in the house! Smart mom we have!)

We were at camp 24/7 for the next three months, which sometimes felt like years and other times felt like a few short weeks! The 4th of July was a serious holiday there! Field games, water games, cookouts, and fireworks for which we planned and prepared for weeks! Amber and I would practice the three legged race for weeks before we actually had to compete!! the outside leg was "1" and the inside leg was "2"... together we'd sing as we ran, "1,2,1,2,1,2" ....

It was at Camp where I learned that "only boring people get bored" and discovered new things to do on a daily basis.

It was at camp where I learned that you could make a fort in the woods and play house for hours! And that blueberries are so good right off the bushes.

It was at Camp where I learned that if you sang, "Wind, Wind blow on me" God would make the wind pick up and your sailboat ride would be so much better!

It was at Camp where I found my best friend. And later met my husband. My first boat ride, swimming lessons, sunburn, and so many more firsts happened at Camp.

My favorite job was as a lifeguard at Camp. I think I did that for three years and loved every day of it!

I hate that the diocese made the selfish decision to close and sell that campground. As much as there were times I cursed how much my parents gave up for that place, I miss it so much. That Camp took a lot from us; yet gave us so much. My parents put their blood, sweat and many tears into that place... and the diocese did what with it? Sold it... for what? We still haven't figured that out yet.

Anyways, summer still gives me a great feeling. This summer was fantastic. We spent a ton of time with my parents (about three weekends straight!) and went to Tennessee and spent a week and a half with our best friends. We had cookouts, playground dates, camping trips, and many beach days. I hope I can enjoy every summer as much as I did this summer.